Things you'd like to say at work but can't

[GI_Admiral 2]

hahaha

[Mara 29]

"Make your own damn sandwich, I'm tired."

"No, I asked for a ham sandwich."

"Sorry, we don't have any ham today."

[Mickey 1]

So I used to answer the phone at Circuit City with "Circuit City, just what you needed!"

[Mara 29]

Sometimes just *incoherent swearwords directed at freshmen*...

[Sticks 1]

I'm not Kroger's bith...stop asking me to do every job no one else wants too.

or how about:

I quit!

wish I could use that one...

[Tsl 7]

Lady, if you don't give a flying ewok about your children, do you really think I give a sith that you don't like the formula they're on?

[Tsl 7]

Oh, haha, look at that. I already ranted about psycho-bith. Yeah, went through that one again last night. GA-freakin'-H!

[Bad furday 57]

Tsl...you should illustrate the people in the hospital that you hate/want to slay/greatly annoy you/ and make them into comics....

Harvey Pekar did the same thing involving ordinary people and their problems....look for copies of American Splendor to see. :)

[Princess 35]

That would be hilarious.

[Tsl 7]

How do you make a case of abandoning your kids and then harassing everybody for not taking care of them right funny though :|

[Princess 35]

Ok maybe not that exact one, but I'm sure you have some funny ones

[Mara 29]

Earlier this week:

"No you cannot have any freakin' Deer Traxx! It's winter for goodness sakes, who eats ice cream in winter?!"

[Chris/Tauntaun13 0]

I thought eating ice-cream in winter was a big American tradition :D

Edited December 9, 2005 by Chris/Tauntaun13

[Mara 29]

Then they can scoop their own freakin' ice cream.

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

- we've had this discussion before: turn you're frikin music down. off would be preferable, but i'm feeling generous. contrary to your opinion, the entire world does not like your rap. unless you want to hear Shania Twain blasting from my computer, turn it down or bring headphones.

- if i can hear your game/music/conversation/ect from my station 4 rows back, you're too loud. shut up.

- it is not my job to find you an internet computer so you can sit there for longer than you're supposed to watching porn on MySpace. if you don't see one, there's not one open. get in line and wait like everyone else.

- the printer holds 8 reams of paper (that's 4000 sheets), so unless no one's checked it for a week, it's not empty. it's stuck. probably because you or someone else has a custom paper size checked and the printer's looking for it. or it just hates you.

- no, i don't want your number. no, i don't want to be seen in public with or around you. in fact, it really offends me. i'm trying to do my job and i don't appreciate being hit on like a cheap hooker or bar maid. it is not in my job description, nor do i get paid enough to put up with your clumsy attempts to score. i really want you to just go away and to never have to put up with your BO and lack of manners ever again.

- it's a frikin LIBRARY, people. that means QUIET! if we tell you you're too loud, shut up. if you can't do that, don't be surprised to find security coming to kick you out. if you think you're gonna be cute and mouth off, expect us to call the cops. those girls you're showing off for don't care if you end up in the lock-up, and will probably forget you the instant the cops cart you off in handcuffs. if you want to be cute, go to the waterfront where you might trip doing something stupid and drown.

- if you keep coming up and asking me stupid questions when i'm in the middle of something, don't be surprised when i get annoyed. i cringe when i hear "I'm not very computer literate." that's why we have free classes. go take a few and come back.

- no, i don't know what's wrong with it. if your computer freezes or acts screwy, i don't know what the problem is, nor is there very much i can do about it. if my few tricks don't fix it, don't get all huffy at me.

- don't come in 10 minutes till closing and expect to get a computer. we start shutting unoccupied machines down at 15 till closing, and kick the remaining people out between 10 and 5 till. if you've got a problem with that, you should have gotten here earlier.

- when i'm shutting down the lab, don't expect me to come over and help you. i've got a job to do and i'll probably tell you we're closing soon and to come back tomorrow. and too bad if your paper or your job application is due by tomorrow. that again is your fault for procrastinating.

- no, i don't know why your online job application didn't go through. if you pay attention to the way they want the thing done (ie phone number in ###-###-#### format), you might fix your problem.

- you have a 1 hour limit on the internet access computers. if there's not a line of people waiting, i'm not going to be too picky about you logging in again unless you're annoying. if there is a line, don't even think about logging in or getting around the system. i have a pretty good idea about who came in when, and i will make you get up and leave if you're hogging the computer. go outside. walk down to McDonald's, i don't care. just leave.

- i am not a babysitter. if you can't keep control of your kids, don't bring them.

- don't come to look at porn. you won't be staying long. and if it's kiddie porn, we WILL call the police.

- if you're rude and obnoxious, don't bother asking me for help even if you're computer's on fire. i'm am not a dog nor a waitress, so don't whistle to get my attention. i also don't respond to "hey girl" or "hey shorty." if you need something and want me to be nice while assisting you, come up and ask me politely.

- yes, i am the computer assistant. that's why i have a sign that says "Computer Assistance." pay attention to it, or i may beat you over the head with it.

[Ayingel 24]

i would be at my station, trish, but jessica, my general manager told me to do something else, and i am going to listen to her before ou because you told her to take over for me and i was just standing there and noticed something needed to be fixed. so i fixed it now instead of being bithed at later. by you. for being negative.

[Princess 35]

Your patient is not going to die if you don't have your strep screen results right NOW. Wait 5 minutes and then start the antibiotics. Or here's an idea, treat anyways since the treatment is the same anyways

[Pandora 77]

Oh this is your ZIP code? I'll run the application, but you're not getting a credit card today...

[Ayingel 24]

don't ewoking tell me that it's my fault when you know that horse doesn't like being out when it thinks all the others are eating

[Princess 35]

Let the gangbangers die. Lets save the people that really matter

[Jake Durron 23]

look people this isn't a ewoking starbucks, if you want a grande frappachino go across the god damned street and order it at the right store. And if you are too sithing stubborn to do THAT then don't ewoking argue with me about what drinks we ewoking sell at our ewoking store.

I actually told that to a customer on my last day

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

attention annoying patrons: i'm tired of dealing with you people, therefore the computers will self destruct in about 30 seconds. and no i'm not fixing it.

[TheUnknown 39]

Okay, I work for a research institute that is part of Kennesaw State University. We do survey research, among other things, for non-profit organizations and government agencies. One project we've had was for the Council on Alcohol and Drugs which was testing drug-resistance programs for middle-schoolers. We were overloaded with work and they kept adding to it. Their surveys and survey distribution sucked. And the programs didn't work that well. I would like to say:

"No, we're not going do that. Stop asking."

[Ayingel 24]

so, having a job where people swear at you and tell you "no" all day long is no picnic...

how do i want it to go?

customer: "can you take me--"

me: "off the list? sure, but don't ewoking be so rude by slamming your phone onto the receiver. i deal with stupid people like you all day who just enjoy yelling at others because 'daddy didn't love me enough'. so you know what? i'm just gonna mark you as 'unavailable' so that we keep calling you."

[TheUnknown 39]

Are you a telemarketer? If so, then you're my enemy. We also do telephone surveys.