The Joke Thread Strikes Back

[Neil1 0]

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half-wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30, a woman is like the UK. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 90, a man is like the USA ...... Ruled by a dick.

[Darth Paladin 0]

:rofl: Nice one Neil

[GI_Admiral 2]

ROFL!!!! Nice one

[boroty 0]

Well, i wouldn't be happy about that jab at the US but i guess its true so i really can't say anything other than not everyone here is like that.

This is going to sound terrible but are can i tell a racist joke?

[Link 3]

eh... well, that last one was fairly sexist, so what's the difference if it isn't aimed at any one specific person?

[GI_Admiral 2]

Obviously its not true boroty, i mean what about the 90+ males they should have a classification!

and I dont mind

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

a lot of males don't make it to 90+ and the ones that do make it probably have ED. :p

[GI_Admiral 2]

lol pfft ill make it to 90+!

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

but then you'll have ED and still be screwed. er...well, i guess not in that case. :p

[GI_Admiral 2]

They hvae things for that :p

[boroty 0]

Well, since im allowed....

But ill start small.

If the world was a jacket where would the black people live?

In the hood.

[GI_Admiral 2]

Oh. Em. Gee. You killed it. :p

[Link 3]

How to tell if you're a Redneck Jedi

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

2. You have used your light saber to open and cook a can of pork and beans.

3. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.

4. At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer-colored.

5. There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

6. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

7. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.

8. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

9. You think that the Stormtrooper Elite Guards are just KKK members with really good sheets.

10. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.

11. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.

12. Your master has said, ''My finger you will pull..hmmm?''

13. You have had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

14. You have lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

15. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.

16. Wookies are offended by your B.O.

17. You have used The Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

18. You have used The Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

19. You have used a light saber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.

20. Your father told you, ''Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot.''

21. You've had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to light a bar-b-que.

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

lmao! i've seen that. 'tis a classic.

[Ayingel 24]

what did one memory say to the other?

"help help i'm being repressed!"

[Ender 8]

Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

...

A: Christopher Walken. :p

[Andy 60]

:roll:

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

A blonde shopping at the store sees something she doesn't recognize. She picks it up and asks the clerk, "What's this and what does it do?" The clerk answers, "It's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde thinks that's pretty nifty so she buys it.

The next day at work, her friend--also a blonde--asks her, "What's that and what does it do?" The blonde replies, "It's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her friend then asks, "So what do you have in it?" The blonde answers, "A cup of coffee and two popcicles."

[Ayingel 24]

ooh!

here's another blonde joke!

a blonde had two horses that she couldn't tell apart for the life of her. so, she calls the vet and asked what she could do to tell them apart. the vet told her to try cutting the corner of one of the ears on one horse. so, she did. the next day the other horse's ear was cut just the same way the other one was. so, she called up the vet again and asked for another way to tell them apart. he told her to put a different coloured blanket on one. so, she did. the next morning, they were both wearing the same colour blanket, so she called the vet again and asked what to do. he told her to cut the tail on one horse. so, she did, and the next morning they were both the same again. extremely upset, she calls the vet.

"nothing seems to be working! they always end up the same!" she cried.

the vet told her to try measuring the two horses with her hands. ten minutes later, the vet got another call from the vet.

"you were right! the black horse is taller than the white horse!"

[Link 3]

oh come on now... lol!!

[Ayingel 24]

you'd be surprised how many people don't get it. they think too hard and it just goes over their heads. mary said i was the first person who actually got that joke on the first try.

[boroty 0]

I dont get it.

Humans are just like jellybeans, no one really likes the black ones.

Edited July 23, 2006 by boroty

[Princess 35]

Ok enough with the racist jokes

[boroty 0]

sorry i offended you.Got them from xbox live .

Edited July 23, 2006 by boroty

[Ayingel 24]

so i guess that means no polish joke, huh prin?