Ongoing Comedy 2: When You Wish Upon a Star Wars.

[JainaSolo;)* 0]

She stared blankly at Prin for a moment or two before pulling a small black box out of her pocket. holding down a button with her thumb, she raised it to her mouth and said, "I need a troop or two in here to take care of some maniac claiming higher rank. I'm probably going to die soon, so make it quick."

she then calmly put the walkie-talkie away and pulled out the controls for her insti-clone army, manuvering them so that they surrounded the castle.

"Okay, Prin. I'll step down and you can be princess of this...preverted place. I don't really want to die while I'm still so young and sexy. so here's your throne, have a cheery day."

and with that she walked off, realizing several moments later that her clothes were all sticky with some random substance she must have picked up sometime between the x-wing and the throne. shrugging, and not really caring what happened because she really wanted to find some psychos she could group up with, she leaned back against a wall and pulled out her happy little gameboy color, moving some more insti-clones about.

in the throne room, Prin had problems. she discovered only seconds after JainaS had left what it meant to confuse an insti-clone.

"There's Jello all over Vaselkyjellia!" some randome citizen exclaimed. "We keep asking the soldiers to solve for x, and..."

"it's not important!" the <i>real</i> Jaina Solo exclaimed, running into the throne room. She tried to stop, but skidded across the slippery floor and directly into a wall.

"Are you okay?" Prin asked curiously.

"Yeah, but...there's Vong headed for this planet! I don't know where it came from, it's not on the charts, but...regardless, you have to do something! You're the leader here, aren't you?"

"Why yes, I am."

"Then get those insti-clones out there to fight,"

"You see, I don't control them," Prin said through gritted teeth. "This little blonde I know does, and she's going to die when I get back to my datapad--er, see her next."

"Oh," Jaina replied. "Oh! I sense a disturbance in the Force!"

"You mean the plot," JainaS corrected. "Cool--I can sense the plot!"

"Not now, later you can wonder at your amazing discovery. Right now...hand over the remote controls!" Prin exclaimed.

"No!" JainaS replied, sticking out her tongue.

"Yes!" Prin shreiked.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Argh!"

and with that, Prin lept for the controls. JainaS jumped back, using the Plot to levitate them above their heads.

"Nah!" she said, sticking out her tongue like a little kid. "It's mine, it's mine, I'm the empress, not you! You're just a happy little princess, the controls are mine!"

Prin didn't comment, but tackled the younger psycho. "IT'S MINE!" she screamed.

"NEVER!" JainaS screamed back.

this is fun!

[Sticks 1]

Sticks watched on calmly from a corner in the room with the others. "Ya think we should help Prin?" she asked.

Furday shook his head. "Nah."

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, watching the chick fight. "How about now?" Mara asked.

Furday shook her head. "Nope."

"Ok..." By now, Princess and JainaS were rollin around on the floor pulling each others hair. The wet substance that was everywhere prevented the two from standing up. They were so coated in it that they'd fall right back down.

Sticks glanced over at Furday, who seemed to be enjoying this scene. Figures. "Furday! Get ahold of yourself!"

Furday cackled. "What?"

Sticks shook her head. "You're sick! I'm going to help Prin."

Furday's grin faded. "Aww...but it was just starting to get good..."

Mara turned to Furday. "Bad horny wookie!" she cried, and followed Sticks.

[Ender 8]

The Apocalypse began moving between the moons. Nothing had happened until they were about halfway through, when thousands of wet, slippery things started hitting the ship.

"What was that?" Drake asked.

At that moment, one of them hit the bridge window, sat in place for a minute, then slid down.

"Sithspit, I think that was a baby Gungan!" Ender said.

"Duuuude! That's not cool!" Fett said.

"Kinda gross..." Cel said.

"Actually, it makes me pretty hungry..." Drake said.

"Love, have you been taking your medicine?" Cel asked.

Drake grinned slyly.

"For whoever's sake, not now you two!" Ender said.

Drake and Cel quickly snapped out of it.

"Right. Full speed ahead, helmsman! Hit those moons with everything we've got!" Drake cried.

The Apocalypse powered through the moons, blasting away at them. Several chunks blew out of them, revealing...

"Faces?" Cel asked.

The faces looked very angry, and charged at the Apocalypse.

"Holy sith, they're really pissed off Men in the Moons!" Ender said.

"We're doomed!" Fett screamed.

[JainaSolo;)* 0]

Pried apart by Sticks and Mara, Prin and JainaS were still trying to get to the remote. By making good use of the Plot, JainaS pulled it out of the hair and back into her hands. She stuck out her tongue at Prin and began to play with the remote, which looked curiously like a gameboy.

When she put it in her pocket and made another face at the seething Prin, she noticed the odd look on Furday's face.

"What's with him?" she asked Sticks, being a cluless young blonde.

"Oh God," the other Psycho said, rolling her eyes. "BAD HORNY WOOKIE!"

this is rather fun!

[CorSec 5]

CorSec watched as Emperor Lucas continued to watch the viewscreen, on which there was now a rather exciting cat fight taking place. Lucas had his hands mysteriously buried deep in his black flannel robes

"Wonder what he's doing with his hands in his robes...and that look of contentment on his face," thought CorSec, "Darn...seen that look before. But where?"

It took him a few seconds, but soon, CorSec was struck with realization and he let out a yelp as he recognized a bad horny wookie face upon the wrinkled grey oldness of Lucas's visage.

"What?" Lucas turned and produced CorSec's lightsaber from an inside pocket.

"oh...you were. Yeah...I...yeah," muttered CorSec as he let out a sigh of relief.

"A Jedi's weapon, much like your fathers. By now you must realize that he can never be turned. His path is devoted to my sick commercialized Empire now. Still," Lucas continued, "It is a magnificient creation. A homage to your native land it seems." Lucas ignited the blade and a shimmering green beaver sprang from the handle with a snap-hiss.

"Yeah. It's a custom design. I call it the Beaver Saber." said CorSec happily.

At this, Lucas and Darth EU Continuity Error broke into hysterics, and could not be swayed back to silence.

[Mara 29]

Also noticing the look, Mara used the Plot to burst open a pipe overhead, spraying the horny one with freezing water.

Furday screamed like a girl, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"There!" she said. "Now, what?"

They all looked at each other for a moment.

Then Prin got up stickily from the floor and lunged back at JainaS, getting out of Sticks' grasp.

"My remote! All miiiiiiiiiiiine!" screamed Prin.

Ensue catfight.

"Uh oh, " breathed Mara. "I'll keep Furday under the water, Sticks, you can go seperate Prin and JainaS again.." Mara proceeded to level the pipe bent over Furday, pouring out more freezing water.

[Sticks 1]

Sticks muttered to her self and went to pry the two apart again. "Why does it always have to be me who breaks up the fights?" She pulled JainaS off of Prin, only to get smacked in the face and lose her grip. In a moment JainaS was on top of Prin again, and Sticks was rubbing her face and cursing.

"Why you little sith-spawned..." Sticks went off on a rampage and lunged at JainaS, knocking her off Prin.

Meanwhile, Furday had somehow come across some popcorn and sat munching happily on it, enjoying the show.

Mara groaned and shook her head. "Must I use the Plot to transport Pod here so she can restrain JainaS? Come on, you guys can take care of one little girl!"

The three kept fighting, although it was hard to tell anymore who was hitting who. "Wait! Hold up! Time out!" Sticks cried, and the fighting stopped. "I gotta fix my hair," she cried, and proceeded to redo her ponytail. "Allright, let's go." With that, the three were back at it again.

[Tsl 7]

Everyone stood upon the bridge of the Apocalypse, fretting about the men in the moons, who were steadily drawing nearer. In fact, they were so close now that the group could hear them growling obsenitys.

"Oh! My virgin ears!" yelped Fett. He clamped his hands over his helmet in the general location of his ears.

"What will we do?" wailed Ender. "It's over! It's all over, and I'm too young to die. And besides, I really wanted to go visit that planet!"

"Wait! I know!" Cel rushed over to Ender, and grabbing him by his shoulders, gave him a violent shake. "Go get your magazine collection!"

"What? Why?"

"Just do it!"

"No...wait. You're going to-- No!" Ender glared at her absolutely offended by her unspoken plan.

"If you don't get them yourself, I'll send Fett!"

Ender started to make a break for the turbolift, hoping to rescue his precious magazines before Fett could be sent to fetch them, but Cel's grip on this shoulders slowed him long enough to be dive tacked by the rest of the group.

"Alright, Fett. Go get them. They'll likely be underneath his bed," said Cel. She was sitting on Ender's legs, holding them down as Drake kept his upper body pinned to the floor.

"Nooooo..." Ender cried weakly.

Fett disappeared down the turbolift and returned a few minutes later with a big box of magazinies. "My virgin eyes!" he wailed.

Cel rolled her eyes at him. "Just don't look. I need you to take those mags and load them into a proton torpedo bay. We're going to launch them at the moons!"

Fett, eyes squeezed tightly shut, stumbled blindly around the bridge for awhile until finally, a very annoyed Apoc appeared on the bridge.

"Quit running into all the walls! It tickles!" he complained. He poked his right pointer finger into Fett's back and guided him over to a giant doggy-door labelled, "Proton Torpedo Bay."

Fett shoved the box through the flap and then finally opened his eyes. "Apoc? But how did you guide me? You're a hologram, but I could feel you pushing me."

"Uhh...yeah..." said Apoc. He glanced around shiftily. "I stole a solid light generator thingy from another hologram I met at a party. Some guy named Rimmer. Heh, what a loser he was."

Drake and Cel, meanwhile, were getting rather tired of keeping the wildly flailing Ender pinned to the deck. "Would you mind firing the box, please?" asked Drake through gritted teeth.

"Oh, right!" Apoc hit the giant red button labelled "Launch" with his newly solidified finger. The box of magazines hurtled into space at ridiculously high velocities, soon slamming into the surface of one of the two angry moons.

The moon was at first very unhappy with this. "Yaaaaaaarggggghhhhhhh!" he cried. Then, as the magazines sailed in every direction from the crushed box, he saw what the magazines were about. "Oooooooh..."

Curious, the other moon made his way over to see what his companion was ooh-ing about. "Oooooh!"

"Now quick! While they're distracted, we'll plunge through the atmosphere!" yelled Cel. She and Drake leaped up off of Ender, who sat in the floor sobbing about his lost magazine collection.

The massive Apocalypse drove hard towards the planet, sliding itself into orbit. As it did so, Drake, Ender (still sobbing hysterically), Fett, and Cel launched from the tip of the Apoc in a small, white shuttle and headed for the surface.

"Shuttle Smerp, this is Vaselkyjellia Traffic Control. Please head towards the following coordinates and prepare for insertion. Thank you!"

Drake and Cel grinned at one another, Ender rolled his teary eyes in disgust, and Fett merely whimpered something about lost innocence. The shuttle plunged into Vaselkyjellia's atmosphere and settled smoothly onto the surface. The shuttle's occupents immediately disembarked and began exploring their new environment.

"It's very....wet," observed Cel.

"I like it," said Drake. He was grinning as he ran a hand over Cel's hair, which was now coated in a thick, glistening stubstance.

"Let's go over there!" cried Ender. He was practically jumping up and down with excitment as he pointed to a large, Palace-like structure. He appeared to have forgotten about his magazine collection for now.

"I wanna go home!" whined Fett.

"Being the leader of this group--" started Drake.

"Since when are you the leader of this group?" asked Cel.

"Being the unofficial leader of this group--" he paused to glare at Cel, "I say we go to the big, Palace-like structure. Something about it just looks....fun."

[Roethlisberger 0]

Fett wakes up from his haze of wimpiness.

"I really have no clue what's come over me," Fett said.

The group, unofficially led by Drake, walked up to the Palace-like thingy. Drake knocked on the door. A man comes to answer it.

"We don't want any!" screamed the man and slammed the door on Ender's fingers.

Ender screamed in pain and everyone else pointed and laughed. Drake knocked on the door again.

"What?" unhappily asked the man.

"We've come to see the wizard!" Drake said.

"Well, that's a horse of a different color!"

"So you'll let us in?"

"No!" said the man, who was apparently pissed off. "I was looking behind you!"

Everyone looked back and saw, surely enough, a blue horse. The man slammed the door on Ender's other hand.

[Chickenman 9]

John was bored. There was nothing to do. No one was on Galactic Basic.net, and none of his friends from school were online. He decided to just daydream about star wars. Just like he always did in math class....well, if the girl he liked wasn't there to stare at...he chuckled to himself. Man I'm a nerd...a romantic one, but a nerd all the same. Anyway, while twirling a pencil in his hand he thought about leading a team of commandos into Yuuzhan Vong territory, a desperate mission. After about five minutes of bliss where he had completley zoned out, he shook his head and decided to take a nap. Nothing else to do, he might as well catch up on some sleep. But then everything changed.

*****************************

When he awoke, he was not in his room. But he knew exactly where he was...those gleaming towers...Coruscant!!!!! And he knew it wasn't a dream...he could feel the balcony underneath his feet. This...was impossible...but...It was real. Impossibility or not. He was in the Star Wars Universe. And he had never been happier.

*****************************

He sat himself down at a booth in a nearby cantina. Star Wars Galaxies this! he thought. He asked for whatever was cheapest, he hadn't found that many credits in his pocket. The bartender brought him a suspicious looking drink.

"What is this?" John asked.

"Blended Kyp." replied the bartender. John spit the drink out. No...no sane person in the real star wars universe would drink a Kyp Durron clone mashed up into a drink. It's got too much cholestorol. That could only mean one thing...he was in a crossover between the Star Wars Universe and....Galactic Basic.net! Home of the most insane Star Wars fanatics ever!

[Edited by Commander Rogue for false content}

Edited May 31, 2004 by Chickenman

[Chickenman 9]

John was suddenly struck by a thought...maybe other people from GB.net were here too. Maybe...

Just then, four guys in important looking uniforms, the words NR MP on their helmets. Who are these guys? he thought. Then it all came back to him. The fact that he was a new recruit in an experimental unit, one made up of pilots that could also act as commandos, to combat the Yuuzhan Vong. NR MP stood for New Republic Military Police. Uh-oh.

"Flight Officer Dana, why are you not at your units HQ, and instead have gone AWOL?"

"Um...I needed to get away from the service for a day or so, clear my head."

"For a whole month?"

"Umm...."

"I've heard enough, book him, Ted!"

Edited May 31, 2004 by Chickenman

[Chickenman 9]

***

John was thinking. It hurt. Why did they call him Dana? Then he remembered. Ranik Dana...his KOTOR name. That must be his name in Star Wars too. The MPs dropped him off at his unit's HQ.

"We're only letting you off with a warning this time." said the MP leader.

"It'll never happen again." John...er Ranik promised. They turned around and he made a face behind their backs. They turned around again. He stopped.

"One more thing, you might want to stay away from that cantina, that place gets pretty rowdy sometimes."

"Gotcha" They turned around. He continued making faces.

"Come on Ranik! We've got a briefing!" said someone. His wingmate, Ranik realised.

"No thanks, I'm more a boxer type guy."

"C'mon!"

***

"Our unit is being sent to the planet of Vaselkyjellia." said the unit C.O.

"Why?" asked a raw recruit. "It's not Vong controlled! We're a unit that was created to go on deep undercover missions behind enemy lines!"

"NEVER QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!!!!!!" screamed the C.O., whipping out a blaster and unloading some bolts on the unlucky recruit, who fell down dead. "Anyway, in answer to his question, intel says something big in the storyline is going to happen there, so we're shipping out. Report back here in 2 standard hours, ready to leave."

Sorry, it was so short, I was just trying to put myself into the story.

[Roethlisberger 0]

Fett and the other Psychos were still waiting outside of that castle-y thing. Fett noticed a sign that said: "Help wanted. A job for someone with fast hands."

Fett pointed at the sing.

"Look!' Fett exclaimed. "A job for someone with fast hands!"

"You already have a job," Drake pointed out.

"Oh, shut up!"

***

Later, Fett went to the building where "Lestercorp," the company that had offered the job, was. Fett looked to see which floor it was on and noticed that it was on the 7 1/2 floor. Fett got on the lift to go up to the floor.

"Next stop, 7 1/2," said the operator. Then the operator pulled the emergency stop and pried open the door with a crowbar.

Fett tried to leave, but bumped his head on the low ceiling. Fett walked to the office in a crouch.

"Name?" asked the Secretary.

"Fett."

"Dr. Lester will be with you in one minute, Mr. Lett."

"My name is Fett."

"My game is wet?"

Fett ignored the hearing impaired secretary.

"Dr. Lester will be with you now, Mr. Juarez."

"My name is Fett."

Fett walked into Dr. Lester's office.

"Hello, Mr. Lett!" said Dr. Lester, who was a very old man.

"My name is Fett"

"Security!"

"No, no, no! You don't understand, there was a mistake with your secretary!"

"What do you want?"

"I'm here to talk about a job interview."

"Well then, sit down."

Fett sat down, happy to be not crouching.

"We want you to work here as a..." Lester paused. "I'm sorry, if you can't understand me, but I have a horrible speech impediment."

"I can understand you perfectly..."

"Ah, flattery! It will get you everywhere in life! Long have I been alone in an isle of indecipherable speech..."

"I understand you just fine. It's that secretary, she can't understand anything..."

"Don't toy with Floris, Fett. She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western."

"Oh, no."

"If I were 80 years younger, I'd box your ears."

"I wasn't toying. How old are you?"

"105. Carrot juice, and lots of it, I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girlie-girl every fifteen minutes."

"Wonderful."

"Anyway, let's get on with the interview." Lester took out two pieces of paper with symbols on them. "Which letter comes first?"

"The one on the left is not a letter."

"Damn, you're good! I didn't even know that one! You got the job!"

Fett thanked Dr. Lester and shook his hand, then he left to go to his new job, which turned out to be filing clerk.

***

Fett was working as a filing clerk at his new job. Fett dropped some papers behind a filing cabinet.

"Ah, crap!"

Fett lifted up the cabinet and got the papers. Much to his suprise, there was a door behind the cabinet. Fett opened the door, and on the other side of the door was a long tunnel. The tunnel was somewhat of a cave that stretched out for a while. Fett crawled in the cave, blaster ready, and the door slammed shut behind him and he was sucked through the tunnel. Fett reached the end, and he was looking out of someone else's eyes.

***

The person was brushing his teeth. Fett could see through the mirror that he was inside Steve Buscemi. Buscemi finished brushing and went down to the street and flagged a taxi.

"Hey," the driver realized. "You're, uh, that actor guy."

"Yes I am"

"You're, uh, Steve, uh, don't tell me, Bernstein?"

"Buscemi."

"Oh yeah. You're, uh, the guy who got shoved through a woodchipper in Fargo!"

"And proud of it."

***

At that moment, Fett was sucked out of Buscemi through another tunnel. This time Fett fell out of the sky right outside of Lester's building, right next to the other Psychos. They seemed suprised.

"That was the most unbelievable thing of all time!"

Fett told the Psychos his story and summed it up with this:

"The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it."

"Eh, screw i!" Ender said, "This is a perfect opportunity to make fast credits. We have people pay to be Steve Buscemi."

[Tsl 7]

The entire group had all turned to stare in wonder at the undeniably blue horse standing behind them. All excepting Ender, that is, for he was frantically attempting to free his hands from the door.

"A little help?" he asked.

No one seemed to hear him, so fascinated they were by the blue horse. The blue horse had, by now, noticed that the group of offworlders was staring at him, and he seemed none too pleased about it.

"Why the kriff are you lot staring at me?" he asked. He stomped a hoof angrily, making an interesing squelching noise on the planet's odd surface. "You've never seen a cerulean equine before?"

"Er...well, actually no," admitted Drake.

"Oh?" asked the blue horse. "Really? But we are quite common here on Vaselkyjellia. I can see, however, that you are a bunch of offworlders. Tell me, how'd you manage to get past the moons?"

Ender winced painfully. "I'd really rather not talk about it. And could we please see about getting my hands out of this door?!!"

"Oh my! How'd that happen? Cranky guard again? Dear me..." The blue horse approached the group, trotting along the little path leading up to the door, and making those interesting squelchy noises with his hoofs along the way. "If you'll allow me..." He turned around and kicked the door hard with both hind legs.

The angry guard appeared at the door again, and as he opened it, Tsl and Drake yanked Ender away.

"Yay!" cried Ender. Then he caught a glimpse of his bruised and bloodied hands and passed out.

"Er...you carry him," said Drake. He shoved Ender's limp body into Tsl's arms. She strugged under his weight, and then dropped him.

"Erg...what has he been eating?" she complained.

"What are you all doing here again? Didn't I tell you to beat it!!?" screamed the guard.

"Ahem..." The blue horse cleared his throat loudly.

"Oh! Alfie! I didn't see you standing there... How are you?" The guard's demeanor quickly changed to one of a friendly neighborly type.

"I was just talking to these fine folks," Alfie indicated the group, "and I thought it might be fun to help them out."

"With what?"

"With whatever it is they are trying to do..."

Alfie and the guard suddenly both stopped and stared expectantly at Drake. He shrugged, shuffled his feet and stared at the ground. "What are you looking at me for?"

Alfie nodded towards him, tossing his blue mane. "Because you are the unofficial leader of this group."

"How could you tell?" he asked.

"You're wearing a large nametag that read: Hi my name is Drake and I'm the Unofficial Leader of this group of offworlders!"

"Oh..." Drake ripped the tag off and stuck it to Fett's back. "We are trying to get into the Palace-like structure here."

"Why?" asked Alfie.

"Umm...I dunno... It looked like fun?" he shrugged again.

"Wait!" said Fett suddenly. "I've seen this before! This exact thing!" He stepped upu to the guard. "My name is Dorothy!" he said.

"Huh?" said Drake.

"Wha--?" asked Tsl.

Ender (who had been awake for who knows how long, but hadn't bothered to get up off the ground) just pointed and giggled.

"Yes!" Fett continued, oblivious. "I am the witch's Dorothy!"

"The witch's Dorothy!?" sputtered the guard. "Well why didn't you say so!? Come on in!" He stepped back and opened the door for them to enter.

They did so eagerly, turning to thank Alfie for all his help.

"Thanks, Alfie! We couldn't have made it without you!" said Drake. He stuck his hand out to shake Alfie's and held it out for an awkward five minutes before realizing that Alfie had no hand to shake with. "Oh..."

"Why are you thanking Alfie? I'm the one that got us in!" complained DorothyFett.

"Yeah, whatever you say," snickered Ender.

They all made they're way into the Palace, a pouting DorothyFett bringing up the rear. The guard whispered something to Alfie, who began to follow the group in.

"Look at this place!" said Drake. He reached out and ran his finger along the pinkish, wet wall. The entire wall seemed to contract then, in a rippling motion, and the group could have sworn they heard a giggle from the Palace itself. Drake grinned and rubbed his finger and thumb together. "It's all...glisteny and wet!"

Tsl suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the wall. "Come on!" she said gruffly.

Drake gave her an odd look as he felt a wave of jealousy from her through the Plot and gave her a confuzzled and highly frusterated look. She shook her head and held his arm in a death grip, stearing him forward down the center of the hall. DorothyFett and Ender snickered at them and proceeded to annoy Drake further by taking turns making the Palace giggle as they walked down the hallway.

Eventually they found themselves in what appeared to be a throne room. While they found it interesting that no one had stopped them from entering this part of the Palace, they found the contents of the room even more interesting.

There on the floor were none other than Sticks, JainaS, and Princess. Not only that, but the three of them appeared to be wrestling, cursing at one another in at least 12 different languages, and pulling one anothers' hair at random intervals. All three were thoroughly coated in the sticky, wet substance that seemed to permeate every surface in the Palace.

Off to the side sat Furday and Mara. Furday had popcorn, which he munched happily as he enjoyed the show. Mara sat next to him, watching the fight with an expression somewhere between boredom and frusteration. No one noticed Drake (who's arm was turning bluish-purple from Tsl's death grip on it), Tsl, DorothyFett, and Ender. The foursome had piled up in the doorway, staring in disbelief at their fellow GBers.

No one at all noticed the blue horse, Alfie, who stood behind them in the shadows, looking rather sinister with his shifty eyes.

Edited March 28, 2004 by Tsl

[Ender 8]

I am going to kick your ewoking asses...

As the rest of the party walked around another corridor, Ender stopped. Something didnt seem right.

He looked behind him and noticed the blue horse snickering and cackling.

"What are you doing?" Ender asked.

"Umm... nothing..." the horse cackled.

Suddenly, an assault rifle sprung out of a plothole.

"Hey... nice." Ender appropriated the rifle and pointed it at the horse.

"Hey! No need to get violent here, Mr. Ender! I'm just sitting here and cackling!" the horse said.

"And I'm a Communist.. What are you doing, and how do you know my name?"

"I know a lot about you, Ender. Your exploits in this world, and your real world. I know everything there is to know about you and your friends. I know your blood type. I know your shoe size. I know EVERYTHING! Do you hear me? EVERYTHING!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Ender shot the horse in the foot.

"Ow!" the horse cried, then fell down and started sucking the foot that had been shot.

"Like that, eh? Here, have some more!" Ender said. He shot each of the horse's feet, one bullet in each."

"Dammit Janson, stop!" the horse said.

Whoa.. he knows my real name. Ender thought.

"It's me! Your cackling, lurking around buddy!"

Ender took a step back. "No! That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings, Ender. You know it to be true."

"Furday, stop it with the voice. You cant fool anyone. You're too high pitched."

Furday sighed, then got out of the costume.

"What were you doing in there?" Ender asked.

"I was, er, snooping..." Furday cackled.

"Dammit, Furday, I told you to stop chasing horses! They only like their own species!"

"Well... that sucks. Anyways, I found some sinister goings-on while I was snooping. It seems that there's a massive Red Horse army gathering to attack the castle! Only the Blue Horses can stop them, but they dont want to fight!"

"Whoa... it's Red vs. Blue... without the Haloness."

"No, Ender. You dont understand. Gus has set this whole thing up. He's gotten into horses."

"I KNEW there was something wrong with Gus!" Ender said.

"Yes, it's very saddening... but we cannot let Gus succeed! We must stop him!"

"What about the others?"

"They wont listen. They need to help Prin..."

"Fine. Let's go."

"

[Ender 8]

I'm getting to that...

Furday and Ender were walking down a long hall when they heard a crash, followed by gasping.

"Wanna check it out?" Furday asked.

"Why not?" Ender asked.

So Ender kicked a door open, and they found themselves in the room where the fight was happening. Furday gasped at the Furday eating popcorn.

"What are you doing here?" The two Furdays yelled at the same time.

They were both staring at each other.

"What in the Nine Corellian Hells is going on?" Tsl asked.

"Furday, I think you have some explaining to do..." the popcorn-eating Furday said.

"No, you!"

"Fine."

I gtg... someone else can carry this, or I'll find something to do with it later.

[Roethlisberger 0]

Meanwhile, Fett enters the portal once again. Fett is learning how to control Buscemi better and better. People are lining up at the portal to pay Fett 1000 credits for each visit to Buscemi.

[Mara 29]

Umm...... I have absolutely no inspiration right now...

Mara continues doing what she was doing in the last post.

[Princess 35]

Prin was sick of all the fighting. She was sweaty and worse yet, she'd chipped a nail. She reached back into her hair and grabbed her lightsaber and chopped off JainaS's head. She wasn't at all surprised when the head exploded and jello rained down everywhere. The rest of the Psycho's gasped audibly and Prin decided to wait to tell everyone how she knew that JainaS was an instaclone until she reclaimed her throne. With her head held high, Prin stood and walked the 69 steps from where she had been fighting to her throne. It was just as she remembered and she sat gracefully in her throne. The throne, recognigzing her pheremone signature, lit up and started playing music and a crown descended from the ceiling and down onto her head.

When the Psycho's stopped gasping in awe, Prin started talking to them. "Uh hi guys. I told you all those years that I really was a Princess. Furday! Stop eating that popcorn and teasing Alfie. Listen to what I have to say. Yes, I knew that JainaS was an instaclone before I decapitated her. I could smell the Jello on her breath while we were fighting. The real JainaS was captured by the Vong 2 standard weeks ago. We'll have to mount a rescue mission, but first, welcome to my home. TSL, Drake, Fett, Ender, you guys are just a tad overdressed for this planet. It's customary to go naked.

Everyone groaned except for Drake who started dancing around the room singing "I'm too sexy for my clothes" and did a striptease, as TSL encouraged him with creds. Ender gleefully threw his clothes into the bonfire in the middle of the room while Drake then stripped TSL of her clothes and Fett just whimpered in the corner and cried for his mommy.

Drake stepped forward, "As the XO of the Psychopathic Jedi, I say that we need to find our commander. We also seem to be missing Beeurd, Pod and EWing."

"Uh Drake, we've lost CorSec somewhere too. Somewhere on the planet is a giant crossdressing space slug that is CorSec. I kinda hit the wrong button while regenerating him," Prin sheepishly admitted.

"Ok and my fellow Canadian too. Well, I say that we split up into different task forces and look for everyone."

"Shouldn't we just use the secret comm channel that we set years ago in case this ever happened?" Mara asked.

"Good idea Mara. I now name you the good idea commer up with person in this group. Now what was that channel?"

Mara looked like she was going to correct Drake's horrible grammer that he'd just used, so Prin stepped in. "I have it written down in the comm room off the northwest wing Drake, I'll take you there and you can activate the emergency psycho call. As for the rest of you, I'll send H-3RO to assign you all quarters. Drake and TSL, you both have diplomatic status so you'll be assigned to the Black Suite in the East Wing. The rest of you can follow H-3RO"

Prin, TSL and Drake headed off for the Comm Room leaving the other Psycho's to fight over rooms

[Andy 60]

Beeurd, Zekk, and Anakin eventually reached the Grand Audience Chamber for the meeting with Jenki and Master Skywalker.

"Hey Rogue." Beeurd said.

"Oh you made it at last!" Jenki said, running over to them.

"Yeah, eventually" Anakin said. "We had a couple of problems."

"You don't say!" Luke said, "We sent Zekk out to look for you two months ago!"

"You did?" Zekk said, glancing at his wrist chrono. "Oopsie."

"Anyway, we best get on with the meeting. We don't have much time" Luke said as he walked back to the front of the hall.

Beeurd and Anakin took seats over with the rest of the Jedi, while Rogue and Zekk went for a backrow seat together.

"The reason why we have gathered here today is very serious indeed." Luke said to the Jedi. "So serious in fact, that we will have to cancel this year's drama production, 'Two Gentlemen of Varonat'"

There were gasps from all round the hall.

"Aww damn!" Anakin cursed, "I was auditioning for one of the leading parts!"

"The fact is," Luke continued, "that the Yuuzhan Vong are in-system and could destroy us at any time. We must move to Eclipse immediatly."

"Where is Eclipse?" a voice said from the back somewhere.

"It's a secret." said Luke

"Aww... Please? I promise we won't follow you!" the voice said.

"Follow us?"

"Uhh, oops. Did I say that bit out loud?"

"Yes, you did." Luke siad.

"FINE!" Shimmra threw off his Jedi disguise and stormed towards the exit. "Damn Jeedai infidels. Just let us kill you!"

"Err... No."

"Just once?" Shimmra pleaded.

"Okay," Luke said, "but as soon as you have killed us, you have to get out of our system so we can escape."

There was the sound of an entire hall full of Jedi slapping their hands against their foreheads in dispair.

"Really?" Shimmra said excitedly.

"Yeah, just go get your troops and we'll wait here 'til you get back." said Luke.

"Whoohoo!" Shimmra cried with glee and skipped merrily out of the hall to get his warriors.

"Right." Luke said. "Now I suggest we... RUN!!!"

The hall suddenly emptied as the Jedi sprinted for their transports and fighters, ready to escape.

[Chickenman 9]

Ranik was crammed into his unit's Star Wars version of a C-47. It looked exactly like a C-47 because Ranik was too lazy to invent anything good. So here they were. Then he was struck by a thought. If this really was a crossover between the SW galaxy and GB.net...why was he lacking truly random things in his posts? Suddenly, a meteor shaped like Ronald McDonald's visage crashed into the C-47, sending it spiraling to the ground.

"Well this sucks." he said, and the squadron leapt from the burning ship. The screams of their pilots blasted through the comm unit, since they were trapped.

"Will someone shut them up?!" screamed the commander.

"I will sir!" Ranik volunteered, pulling out a sniper rifle and carefully aiming it, so that one blaster bolt killed the pilot and co-pilot. The rifle was ripped from his hands by the force of gravity, and zoomed above him and the bayonet on it impaled a skydiving Elvis impersonater. They pulled the cord to their parachutes and dropped slowly to the ground.

*****

While he was wondering why the EU had never invented something for Airborne Operations, leaving him with the cheap parachute stunt thingy, they saw a massive army of red horses, commanded by Vong leaders. They all landed through a stain glass window, the crowning beautiful decoration that brought out the grace of the Throne Room in the castle of Vasell...however you pronounce it. Inside he saw most of his friends from GB.net.

"What took you so long?" asked Princess.

"Writer's block." Ranik answered.

"Princess...err...what's your last name?" the commander began. Princess smacked him.

"Just call me your highness."

"Ok. Anyway, we have been sent to warn you of the mighty Red Horse's nefarious plot."

"We kind of picked that part up." Princess responded.

"Uh...well, they're paired with the Vong." the commander stammered.

"How predictable." she said, growing more impatient.

"Umm...we've been sent to aid you..."

"Ooh...minions. This I like." Princess responded. She cackled.

Ranik went to hide in a corner.

[JainaSolo;)* 0]

haven't slept in three days, I'm running on amp. sorry if this seems a little serious, but my humor level is lower than it usually is... i'm posting in gym class, isn't that great?

JainaS blinked as she found herself in a different place than she had been before. if I wasn't on the Jedi planet and I never met up with the psychos, then...where am I?

this was answered for her when a hediously maimed and tattooed creature walked into...wherever she was.

"Oh God!" she exclaimed, recoiling slightly.

"We don't promote religion around here, dude. it's so old school." the Vong told her. "My name is Ishknahalh. why do you look so...normal?"

she stared for a moment, gaping at the punk Vong. "...you...you're...crap, it's like I'm in school again!"

"...wha...?"

"I recognize that tattoo! You're...you're...my ex!" she exclaimed, jumping up and backing away. "and since I have so few...you can only be...Dan!"

the hapless Vong stared at her like she was insane and shrugged. "dude, I was only trying to welcome you. what's up with you?"

"and...and...from what I remember...the Vong were the bad guys in the NJO! crap, I've been captured and I didn't even realize it!"

"dude, stop ranting. are you high? you don't seem okay,"

she finally stopped, jumping away from what she believed to be her crazy stalker ex boyfriend.

"dude, we're only here to spread the love and peace in the galaxy. all those that are normal are going to reform. you'll see when it all happens. you see, we're not druggies, but we want the world to be a different place."

"you...you...you're..." she muttered, eyes wide. "hey, does this mean you have some bondage pants around here? the flightsuits are getting annoying and the dress before that..."

"totally," the Vong agreed. "so just calm down, little girl, because we're just adding you to our group."

"...okay..." she agreed, gladly taking the familiar clothes and nodding. there's something I should remember about this...didn't the Vong do weird things to their prisioners? ...oh well, none of this seems too odd yet...

Ishknahalh left, closing the door behind him. so...so he's not Dan, and I have normal clothes again, and...this seems all okay...

decked out like everyday in her black bondage pants and purple tanktop, lilac scarf wrapped around her head like a headband and knot sticking out the side of her blonde hair, JainaS sat back down.

"hey!" she called to her captors, knowing instinctivly that there would be one nearby. "can I have a datapad?"

"you see, that's the thing dude. we're sort of against technology. we just don't like it. so we're going to have to destroy everything that you've got on you, and we're going to stamp it out of the galaxy. but...you can have a notebook if you want."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" JainaS cried, dropping to her knees. "the torture of writing by hand! Please--NO!"

maybe this wouldn't be such a fun little vacation after all...

[Drake 53]

After many annoying reminders and a lots of PMs...here's my post.

Princess led Drake and Tsl down a corridor to their suite. The hallway was large and accomodating. Three could move comfortably, side by side, down the passage.

Soon, they came to the East Wing and the Black Suite. Princess rubbed her hand over a fleshy protrustion on the wall and the opening to the room parted with a sigh. Everyone entered.

Princess gave them a brief tour then handed them a datapad. "This has a map of the Palace and the surrounding area. If you want to go for a walk or something, feel free to explore."

"I think we'll just stay in the room and...clean up." Tsl grinned.

"Alright. Well don't make too much of a mess." Princess gave them a wink then turned to leave.

"Uhh...what's going on down there?" Drake said while pointing out the window.

Princess moved to the window and looked down to the street where a number of people had gathered around a large pool of disinfectant. "Oh yes. It's a public execution."

"Who's up on the chopping block today?" asked Drake.

"Looks like the dreaded Herpesaur. They come around sometimes. They stow away on well-used ships and when they lower their protective shields, the little nerfherders escape and infect the planet. They really itch me the wrong way." Princess smiled as the Herpesaur was thrown into the disinfectant pool. It thrashed around for a minute then died and dissolved.

Tsl shuddered. "Lovely."

A beep came from Princess' comm. "Princess here. How can I service you?"

"Princess, this is the Control Room. We're having some difficulties here."

"Oh? What kind of problems?"

The voice from the Control Room sounded nervous. "The Lice have come out of hiding in the Mound Forest. Their army is huge and they're threatening to over-run the city! They will be here in an hour!"

Princess groaned. "Ah damn...I hate getting Lice."

Edit: That should be Lice...not Mites, lol

Edited April 15, 2004 by Drake

[Ender 8]

Drake, Princess, and Tsl came running back into the throne room.

"Everyone, grab something to defend yourselves!! The Lice are coming!" Drake cried.

"Ha! The lice will never breach the Deeping Wall." Princess said.

"You underestimate the lice! Their master, Sarulice, has amassed a great army! I have seen this!" Ender said.

"How many?" Princess asked.

"Ten thousand strong." Ender said.

Princess took a step back. "Ten thousand?"

"It is an army bred for a single purpose." Ender said. "To destroy the Hair of Men."

Princess straightened up, and walked confidently to the Control Room. "Let them come."

As she walked away, Ender looked at Drake.

"I dont care if the custom is to go ass naked on this planet... I'm putting on some armor and grabbing a damn sword." Ender said.

"Yeah, me too." Drake turned to the rest of the Psychos. "Who will join us in putting on clothes, drawing a sword, and fighting the Lice scourge?" Drake asked.

"I will!" Tsl said.

"And I!" Fett said.

"Oh, why not?" Furday and Beeurd said together.

Drake pumped a fist in the air. "Lets hunt some lice!"

Everyone cheered.

...

Later, as the Lice drew closer, Ender, Tsl, and Drake were in the armory, looking at the volunteers for the battle.

"Salon girls, hairdressers, pool boys, for the most part." Ender said, and shook his head. "These are no soldiers."

"Most of them have seen too many stray hairs!" Tsl said.

"Or too few." Drake said.

"How can we beat an army of Lice with this crowd?" Ender asked.

As if answering him, a horn blew from outside the castle.

"That is no Lice horn!" Drake said, and ran outside. Ender and Tsl followed.

As they came atop the castle, they saw a legion of Shampoo Elves coming through the gates of the castle.

"All right! Now we're talking!" Ender said.

I saw the opportunity... I took it...

Edited April 18, 2004 by Ender the Xenocide

[Chickenman 9]

Meanwhile, Ranik is sad that he has been left out of Ender's last post. He has also decided to go back to being referred to as "Chickenman."