Attempt at a Story

[ottik 0]

Well this is just something I sort of whipped up in my spare time, I plan on expanding the detail etc. if people enjoy it but if not I will probably just abandon it. Well please be Gentle to me this is in fact my first story (and first post).

Star Wars: Ice and Fire

Chapter I: Fire

As the sun rose above the far northern hill blood glimmered off of my stomach gaping from a hole placed about six inches below my left breast. I fell to the ground screaming in pain as the three mandalorians closed in on me one holding a stun baton ready to beat me to unconsciousness should I live. The world went black around me as I felt the last breath of life escape from my lungs- the last thing I saw was that damned baton coming down upon my skull. The darkness began to fade into light as fire lunged into my sight and drowned out the blackness of death. This fire was my mental image of my hate, my pain, my revenge. I had a pact made with the unknown and eternal life and pain were mine until I had completed my task, once that was done I could rest eternally with the force. The fire grew in intensity and color, it rushed at me and enshrouded me, it seemed to almost pull my eyes open and flared in a brilliant dance of blue, green, and yellow until its dance faded into reality.

Once again I could see the sun, the trees, the sky, and I could also see the mandalorians walking away from me with my weapon in their hands. Normally had it been one of my previous lightsabers I would have cared less and continued on my mission but this particular lightsaber is fabled to have belonged to none-other than Anakin Skywalker himself. I pulled myself up laughing at the mandalorians and their futile attempt to kill me, as they turned I could hear them gasp as they witnessed my wound transform to scar tissue in a matter of seconds. I released my hate from my body in the form of lightning; this energy leaped toward my enemies and embraced two of them in a magnificent dance of death. The third mandalorian was not fit for a fast death- as painful as it may be- I feel that he should die by torture, torture from that weak baton he still brandishes in hand? as if a stun weapon will make a difference.

?Drop the baton and I won?t kill you?

I tried to make my point clear and direct- this didn?t seem to work.

?I never trust sith especially considering you just killed two other men right in front of me.?

He ignited the baton

?I won?t let you send me to sleep just yet!?

He screamed

?Oh trust me once I get my hands on you you won?t be going to sleep for a long time my friend.?

I began to see through my anger and realized that I still had a mission to complete and time was of the essence, so in a fit of rage I grasped the baton and let its shock thrust through my bones. I embraced the pain of raw power coursing through my body and rejoiced at the feel of its beauty. I could faintly see the mandalorians eyes through his night-black visor and realized that he wasn?t afraid- but then again mandalorians never are. Although he was not afraid he was in shock and I reacted at his stupor, I suddenly ripped the baton from his hands and shoved the handle through his neck. He collapsed instantly from blood loss and fell into several muscle spasms until he finally rested from his battle ridden life. I picked up my lightsaber from the neighboring dead and went on my way checking the lightsaber for signs of tampering.

I found a thicket to meditate in to plan my next move, meditation was probably the thing I've done most of in my life. I sat down and rested against a tree looking out toward the sky and sun, the view was- in a word- disgusting. While meditating I took in my surroundings, my master ?Darth Sion- always told me it was good to reach out and sense what would radiate force for me to use and manipulate. The trees of this jungle were moist and teeming with animal and insect life. The moon itself had little energy to give from within, I sense that this moon is suffering and is prepared for death. It doesn?t really surprise me actually that this place would want to die, the surface has been scarred and bruised from war and battle, but this makes this place all the more beneficial for me. Although the moon itself releases little force energy the fallen have much to give and in turn the fallen have much for me to embrace. Battle makes me stronger, wiser, faster, and bolder rather or not I am the one fighting.

Chapter II: Ice

The alarm went off; as which really didn?t matter, I hadn?t slept a wink the previous night. I rolled out of bed and fell onto the metal floor quickly realizing how cold it was I sprang up to my feet in a flash. I went over and turned off the alarm noticing my mission briefing laying next to it, I picked it up and sat down the briefing simply started;

To whom it may concern:

Mission: You are assigned to infiltrate the moon of Dxun via force-jump from a low-flying aircraft approximately 7 miles away from the mandalorian base. You then are to travel silently through the jungle to the mandalorian lookout post 2 miles west of their main base, there you should meet a Sith. When you meet the Sith ask him this question; "Where does the future end?" his response should be "The Death Star" .This Sith is assigned to be your partner for the remainder of the mission, should he turn on you due to your "history" you are to kill him which wont be an easy task. He will be aiding you in every single objective but he is not affiliated with Klisk in anyway. From there you should travel east to the main base and gather information on your target. Your target is Aeden, a jack-of-all-trades so to speak, he is a mercenary working for Klisk

. Aeden was assigned to do a covert-op mission for Klisk previously but failed. He was assigned to plant nuclear 15 thermal charges on the death star, he succeeded in planting the chargers but was docked by mandalorians during his flight back, the charges were not detonated. The location of the detonator is unknown we believe that Aeden knows its location and the mandalorian are most likely torturing him for the information. You are to rescue Aeden and return him to Klisk ASAP. Another primary objective is to find Mandalore and interrogate him: Find out how the mandalorian figured out that Aeden was on this mission, find out if they know of Foxhound, and find out why they wanted the charges. After the interrogation kill Mandalore. It is likely that Mandalore won't talk so find someone who will nevertheless you are still required to kill Mandalore. To summarize this section:

Meet the Sith

Rescue Aeden

Find the location of the detonator

Kill Mandalore

Recover the Detonator

Escape Dxun

Equipment: Light saber (We assumed your "training" would allow you to make due with this weapon.)

Background: With the fall of the Empire 1200 years ago the republic regained control of the universe. This was the way of order for several hundred years, some people tried to fight the republic but no one ever succeeded. About three months ago several Imperialists against the republic showed themselves- in a death star. They must have been building it for a couple decades now, the death star is complete with a full sized fleet ready to fight the republic. Mandalorians are the muscle of the imperialists they are completely ready to rage war with the Republic.

Mandalorians: Mandalorians are powerful warriors who are led by a soldier named Mandalore. The original Mandalore displayed supreme prowess in battle and was dubbed Mandalore, from that point on Mandalore was replaced by whomever found his helmet. The mandalorians were wiped out about 1200 years ago with the death of Boba Fett. We assumed all Mandalorians were dead but when some Imperialists reappeared the mandalorians were with them, and in extremely large numbers.

Dxun: Moon of Onderon, Dxun is basically a large jungle with only two buildings; the mandalorian base and a sith temple.

Sith: The Sith was assigned to this mission by the Republic, his powers and skills are unknown but we have been told that he is strongly aligned with the sith and that he will not change his ways for this mission, so don't let your "history" interfere with this mission. You might have to kill the sith and/or Aeden for this mission so be prepared to do so. The Sith might kill you, if this occurs he will finish the mission himself, so yes you are expendable and we will deny having any involvement with you or this mission.

We will not be able to contact you so you better be able to handle yourself.

Good Luck

I threw the paper into the trash. The view outside my window was black and cold, speckled with specs of white. I took care of typical morning business but got interrupted while I was in the shower.

?Triton please report to the armory, Triton report to the armory.?

The intercom spouted.

I got out of the shower got changed and headed down toward the armory still wiping suds off of my head and neck. When I finally reached the armory I was greeted outside the front door by General Lock; he was my commanding officer but due to my past I?m not exactly affiliated with the military- which is nice because I can do things my way with no punishment, to a degree. I saluted him and he returned it.

?At ease Triton?

?Thank you sir?

?Triton I?m aware that you have read the mission briefing and that you have had the mission explained to you several times but I think we should just go over it one mo-?

?Sir unless anything has significantly changed within this assignment I am completely aware of what I must do; Find the sith, rescue Aeden, find the detonator, kill Mandalore, and escape.?

?Well you seem to have a good understanding of the mission after all, head to the armory soldier.?

?Yes sir?

I entered the armory and while the doors were closing I heard Lock yell something: ?Oh and before I forget Screw you too Triton!?

I entered the armory but got lost at that point, there were several wings of the armory and they never specified which wing I was supposed to enter. I stood there dumfounded but then I felt them, I felt the way to go. It is never easy to explain what the force feels like to another, it is more like hunch that is always right, some guiding voice that never lies. I entered the clothing area where I was greeted by Tanya; Tanya was a very sexy colonel who was going to be arming and prepping me for this mission.

?Well you seem to be pretty calm seeing as you are about to free-fall about 2 miles without a parachute.?

Although I didn?t show it I was ready to throw up, the idea of falling into the middle of enemy territory alone didn?t settle well with me.

?It?s really nothing Tanya, we Jedi are always calm?

I was terrified

?Oh so you are still a Jedi? I thought u abandoned the order.?

She stated

?Well my training hasn?t left me yet so I am what you would call a gray Jedi.?

?So are gray Jedi always calm to??

???

?Lets get to the mission Triton the first thing to do is to get your assault armor, but first you need to be strip searched.?

?Oh real-?

?Not by me Triton! You know as well as I do that strip searches are always performed by members of the same sex.?

?? Don?t remind me.?

After an unpleasant five minutes back in a private room I was ready to get equipped. Tanya had laid out a thin skin tight layer which was designed to maintain bodily functions and increase performance of key organs and muscles. This particular suit about as thick as a piece of cardboard costs more than what most people make in their entire lives, disgusting. A few other layers of body armor were also laid out I bypassed all the armor and headed to my locker, I opened it which exposed my old Jedi robes I stared at them. Robes were all a Jedi really needed to wear if going into combat so why shouldn?t I use them? I slammed the locker closed and turned back toward the armor, ewok the Jedi order.

Chapter III: Humble Beginnings

Night was settling over the scarred bloody jungle but the planet was so close that darkness barley fell; the sky looked more like a green sunset rather than hallow blackness. I loved darkness, an assassin normally only functions in darkness but I had little time so I was forced to travel to their base 24/7. I was assigned to this mission by a government fraction called Klisk. Klisk is apparently some special ops group who specializes in classified operations. I was told that I would have a Grey Jedi ally on this mission, this doesn?t settle well with me. A former enemy is now going to help me for the greater good? Sounds like some bullsith story I would hate. The reasons I accepted this mission are mine and mine alone but the I can?t help but wonder why Jedi and Sith are necessary for this mission. It seems it would be easier to send in a group of three or four soldiers- assassins to carry out this mission. They would be more willing and much cheaper to hire, I hear the Jedi is willingly going on this mission? he must be tied into the military.

I couldn?t keep my mind clear enough to keep meditating so I was forced to continue with the mission, I started to get up when I sensed enemies all around me. I casually rose from my resting place and started for the path I had walked in from when a Mandalorian leaped out from a nearby bush with his blaster aimed straight at my face. His armor was colored red rather than blue, his stance was more ?stable? and his blaster was heavily modified. As I stood looking down the barrel of my enemies blaster several other Mandalorians began to appear from nowhere, they just suddenly appeared standing where they are.

?Put your hands behind your head and get on your knees.?

He was speaking calmly and straight-forward.

I fallowed his orders unwillingly and right as my hands reached my head a Mandalorian rushed behind me and began restraining me.

?Tixt detach his lightsaber and bring it to me.?

A mandalorian quickly rushed toward me and removed my lightsaber from my belt then handed it to the leader.

?Tell me do you Mandalorians take prisoners? Or do you just slaughter those whom you capture??

?Mandalorians fight for honor sith, killing an unarmed soldier isn?t honorable.?

?Well I guess I have nothing to fear then do I??

?But we have a problem here sith, killing two men from behind isn?t honorable either is it sith??

I was silent.

?Who sent you??

?As if I?d talk, and don?t even bother with torture that will prove useless.?

?You?re a cocky Sith aren?t you??

?I can?t deny who I am can I??

He grabbed my head and drove his knee into my face.

?Talk Sith, who sent you??

?Piss off?

He kicked me again.

?Talk?

?Screw you?

He shot me in the leg with his blaster.

?Is that all you got?

He kneed my face again.

?An Ewok could do more damage?

He kicked me again.

?You aren?t in a position to be insulting me Sith.?

I was getting angry, although I hadn?t felt any pain this was taking to long and it was time to act. I leaped up and drop kicked the leader in front of me, the mandalorian was still holding my arms so I fell to the ground. I spun around and tripped the Mandalorian restraining me then leaped up to my feet, I looked at the Mandalorians aiming at me and paused.

?Lets do this?

They started shooting me repeatedly, I just looked at them.

?I told you before; an Ewok could do more damage.?

I embraced the force and soon it engulfed me and removed my appearance from the eyes of the untrained. Force stealth was another technique my master taught me as a child. I rushed toward the leader and pulled my lightsaber out of his grip and ignited the blue blade, I then impaled his stomach with it. I tore the blade down through his body and ripped it out from his crotch. I turned around toward the blaster fire and rushed at the Mandalorians with my lightsaber poised right at their heads. Their blaster fire made the shadows dance and covered the surroundings in a beautiful red light which exposed the blood of several Mandalorians, when the blaster fire stopped the blood was gone- or rather hidden by the blackness of night and hate.

I searched the bodies for anything useful; the only thing I found was a keycard for a weapon supply depot, this was worth looking into.

Chapter IV: Out of the Darkness, Into the Cold

My ship lowered from the blackness of space into the atmosphere of Dxun, I was in the void of space and Hell. It came to a sudden stop; the ship was waiting for me. The ship ran on some autopilot system that wouldn?t allow the ship to go past this point until at least 200 pounds of weight had been shed from the ship, Ironically with this armor on I weigh 245 pounds. The cockpit opened up which allowed the freezing evening air to rush upon my body and overwhelm me with chill.

?Please remove 200 pounds.?

I looked over the edge of the ship and saw nothing, nothing but darkness. I opened a case that was located under my feet it contained 3 different syringes each containing a cold-blue fluid. A note was located underneath them; ?Inject each one into your brain through the front of your skull, don?t inject them anywhere else or you will die. Good luck, Tanya.? I put the syringes in a pouch located on my left thigh. I stood up on my seat and inched toward the side of the ship, my heart raced I?m not much of a fan for free-falling two miles with no parachute. The ship jerked knocking me off-balance and throwing me out of the ship, a voice radiated from the ship.

?Screw you too Triton!?

I was falling much to fast for my comfort and had it not have been for my skin-suit I would have been feeling much different than just ?uncomfortable.? As I stared down toward Dxun I saw flashes of red several miles to the north, it must be the Sith. The ship flew itself right over the Mandalorian base and got itself shot down it killed two birds with one stone; It showed me the way to the base and it made the Mandalorians think I was dead. I tried to move as close to the flashes as I could but I had lost sight of them and had gotten disoriented, and wasn?t aware of how close I was to the ground.

A lot of the story just feels akward to me and I'm sure a lot of the information in this story is inaccurate, but if you think its good maybe all of you could help me get my facts straight. Thank you!

[Andy 60]

Hiya, and welcome.

I just had a quick read of the story, and I see what you mean about it feeling awkward in places... But you did say it was your first story so for that I suggest re-writing the bits that don't sound right.

Do you have Microsoft Word or anything similar? Because it has a spelling and grammar checker that might help sort out some of the story.

Anyways, I'm no good at a giving advice really, but there are a few aspiring writers here that might be able to help you better than me.