Ongoing Comedy: This One Time, at Jedi Camp

January 14, 2007

"Vegacidbiza?" asked Anakin.

"Yup!" replied Master Aal'lis, grinning, despite the massive pain the hangover was causing.

"Oh dear." said Master Korr. He shuddered, trying to supress painful memories. This had been where it had all began. He wasn't prepared to head down this road again.

"Kids," continued Aal'lis, "if you're looking for the biggest party in this galaxy, you've found it."

"No!" screamed Master Korr. "We are not going down there! I'm putting my foot down!" And so he put his food down. Unfortunately, he had let his fear and anger get the best of him, and his stomp had been a bit more powerful than he had planned. His foot smashed through the floor, ripping through metal until he had punctured a hole in the shuttle's underside. "Oops." said Master Korr as the shuttle started to vent atmosphere and began a death spiral aimed for the surface of the Vegacidbiza.

***

"So what do you suppose we do about Kyp?" asked Corran.

"Let's take him somewhere." Mirax suggested.

"Like where?" That's when it hit him. "Pack your bags, Mirax! We're going to Vegacidbiza!"

***

"So...that was your big surprise?" asked Mara, rolling out from under Luke and propping herself up on one arm.

Luke grinned. "Of course not! That was only the appetizer!" Luke rolled out of bed, beaming. "Hang on a second, I'll be right back!" He dashed out of the room. Mara smirked. She got out of bed herself, and made her way to the closet. She selected a lacy set of black lingerie and hurriedly put it on. She then hopped onto the bed and waited for Luke to return. He wasn't the only one with a surprise in mind. The door hissed open.

And a gungan male walked in.

Mara screamed. "LUKE!"

Luke hurried in past the gungan, smiling.

"Yes dear?"

"What the hell is going on?"

Luke grinned. "I figured we needed to add a dash of spice into our relationship." He explained. He smiled hopefully.

Mara just stared at him.

"Besides, think what he can do with that tongue!" Luke raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Mara continued to stare at him.

"No." she replied.

"What?"

"No!" With that, she got up and pushed the gungan through the nearest airlock. The gungan screamed as he was sucked into space.

Mara shook her head in repulsion. She then headed to the navicomputer. "Luke, if you want to try to spice up our sex life, I know the perfect place where a couple can do that."

She input the coordinates to Vegacidbiza.

***

Han sighed. "So what do we do now?"

Leia shrugged. "I guess we try to find a way off the planet ourselves. I think we lost the Ewoks, let's see if we can repair the Falcon."

"Good idea." Han nodded, then paused. "Which was did we come in?"

"I think that way." said Leia, pointing. They left in that direction. After awhile they came to a door. They opened it and found themselves in a used ship dealership sitting outside of the base.

"I think we took the wrong turn." said Han blankly.

An Ewok wearing a business suit, tie and unsettling smile strode up to them.

"Good afternoon! My name is Steve, but you can call me Chad!" said the Ewok in perfect basic. "I assume you're looking to purchase a new ship?"

"Actually, yes" replied Leia, a bit confused.

"Well that's great, because you won't find a better used ship dealership anywhere in the Endor system. Actually, you won't find another used ship dealership in the Endor system, period!"

"Excuse my asking Chad,"

The Ewok shook his head. "Please, call me Joseph."

"Umm, okay..." she paused, confused. "Pardon my asking, Joseph, but who do you usually sell ships too? The only things living on this moon are Ewoks and trees. And no offense, but you Ewoks don't seem like the spacefaring type."

"Yeah, most of my fellow Ewok brethren don't see the advantage in exploring the cosmos. I do often sell to the other one though."

"Other what?"

"The other choice you gave me."

"Trees?"

With that, a tree walked by.

"These trees can walk?" asked Han incredulously.

"Of course trees can walk! Havn't you seen the Lord of the Rings movies?"

"You mean read the books, don't you?" Leia asked.

The Ewok shook his head. "I don't bother reading novelazations. What's the point if you can get the whole story in two hours?"

Leia paused, wondering how someone couldn't have known that the Lord of the Rings trilogy were books first.

Han paused, wondering why the Lord of the Rings books were being discussed in the Star Wars universe.

Chewbacca paused, wondering why he hadn't been mentioned since the crash.

Speaking of the crash...

"Hey, Joseph?" asked Han.

"Please, call me Estevan."

"Estevan. Why the hell is my ship sitting in this dealership?"

"Your ship? I believe you're mistaken sir, that ship belongs to this dealership?"

"What are you talking about, Estavan-?"

"Xavier."

"Xavier. What are you talking about? It still has the 'Property of Han Solo, so move the kriff over' bumper sticker on it!"

"I'm sorry sir, but we found it in the woods this morning, and have claimed it as our own. Tell you what though, you seem to be quite attached to this ship. How about I sell it to you for half the price?"

"You're selling me my own ship, Xavier?"

"Quintin."

"Jessica."

"Jessica?"

"Han Solo."

"I'm Han Solo!"

"Hey, stop repeating me!"

"Captain Ahab!"

Han paused, dumbfounded.

"Whatever. You're trying to sell me back my own ship?"

"Tell you what, I'll throw in a hyperdrive, just for you."

"It allready had a hyperdrive on it!" Han argued.

"Fantastic! We can complete your order twice as fast now!" Captain Ahab clapped his hands with glee.

"No! You're giving me my ship back right now!" Han ordered.

"Careful with your tone sir, or I might decide against adding the optional life support system, free of charge!"

"Life support is optional? What the hell else is optional?"

"Well, I assume you're going to want sublight drives..."

"Well, yeah..."

"Optional."

"What?"

"How about landing gear?"

"Of course I want landing gear. How the hell am I supposed to land???"

"Optional."

"What isn't optional?"

"Options arn't optional!"

"What?" asked Han, growing increasingly confused.

"Just kidding, options are optional!"

***

The Millenium Falcon cruised through hyperspace, Han once again at the helm.

"That Ewok trophy head is going to look great in the living room wall." noted Leia.

"I thought so." replied Han. He checked his chronometer. "The conference is over. What do you say we go someplace else?"

"Like where?" Leia asked.

"How about Vegacidbiza?" suggested Han.

Leia paused.

Han gave her the puppydog eyes.

Unfortunately for Han, Leia was a politician. Her heart had been surgically removed just prior to the inauguration ceremony.

"No. Let's head back home."

And with that, Han, Leia, 3PO and Chewbacca left the story.

Edited January 14, 2007 by Chickenman

January 15, 2007

...Aboard the Jade's Sabre...

Luke dashed after Mara.

"I'm sorry, dear. It's just... one of my friends suggested..."

Mara looked up from what she was doing.

"What friend?"

"Er... Corran?"

Mara turned up her lip in disgust. "I knew there was something wonky about them."

"C'mon, Mara.... "

Being the observant man he was, Luke finally noticed that Mara was at the navicomputer.

"What are you doing?!" He yelled.

Mara turned around quickly because the yell surprised her. "Putting in coordinates to..."

"No!" He ran over and pushed her out of the way, guarding the navicomputer. "No! You'll ruin the surprise!"

Mara put her hands on her hips. "More Gungans? Or maybe it's Hutts this time?"

"No, no... Mara."

Luke sighed. "I thought, er... I thought... we never had much of a honeymoon you know... No chance to be together or get to know each other.. with all the saving the galaxy stuff.. and..."

"I think we knew each other pretty well already." Mara raised an eyebrow.

He glared at her. "That is not what I meant."

"Okay, Skywalker, I'll bite. What in space are you talking about?"

He typed into the navicomputer for a while, then closed the display so Mara couldn't see. "We're going to learn about me. My family. I--we never had a chance to talk about our pasts..."

Mara turned to leave. "You already know about my past. And I know about yours, farmboy." She left the room.

Luke heard the door to their cabin lock shut.

Blast....

........

...Yavin 4, Jedi Temple...

"Where?" Mirax asked.

"Vegacidbiza! You know, that new planet that... er... Master Aal'lis found on his.. sabbatical....a few years back..."

Mirax raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that the reason he is no longer on the staff at the Jedi Temple?"

"Yeah? Maybe, I dunno. That was just a big understanding anyway.

But really, I think it's the best place to loosen up Kyp and straighten him out a bit." Said Corran.

"Besides," he added. "We'll be able to drop him off somewhere and be alone." He winked.

"Okay, if you say so..." answered Mirax. "Just as long as we're not there more than a few days. I need to yell at those kids of mine for cheating."

"No worries, honey. It'll be just the weekend. Just you and me."

"And Kyp."

"Yes, and Kyp." Added Corran.

.......

...Shuttle, over Vegacidbiza...

Master Korr tried to pry his foot out of the deck, but it was stuck.

"Can someone help? Please? My foot is stuck..."

But no one was paying attention to him because the shuttle was plummeting towards the surface of the planet. They didn't have time to deal with a mere stuck foot.

Instead, they were running around the cramped shuttled, screaming. All except for Master Aal'lis. He seemed very content, sitting in a corner, his eyes glazed over. He was chanting softly to himself.

......

...Jade's Sabre...

Luke sat in the cockpit, watching the star lines go by. He couldn't understand why Mara didn't want to revel in his childhood with him. Well, he knew she didn't remember much of hers and what she did remember was kinda awful. But that's why he wanted to explore his old memories with his wife at his side. Maybe it would help her out.

Or maybe he was just a bit jerk who could save a galaxy but couldn't comfort his own wife.

Luke sighed. Well, they could still go there and if she didn't want to stay... they'd leave and go somewhere else. They didn't need to visit all of his favorite childhood spots.

Meanwhile, Mara was stewing in their cabin, thinking about what an inconsiderate jerk Luke was. Thinking she wanted to have fun with a Gungan, of all species. A Twi'lek, maybe, but definitely not a Gungan. And taking advice from Corran.

She shook her head.

Since when were they friends anyway? Mara hadn't thought Luke had any friends. He probably didn't have time for any. Just like he didn't have much time for her.

Mara resolved to do something, anything, to get Luke back. The old Luke she fell in love with while sitting in the goo from the cloning chamber in the Hand of Thrawn. Her silly courageous farmboy was all swept up in politics and training new Jedi now.

But just then the alarm went off, signaling the end of hyperspace. Mara stayed in the cabin, but did move to the viewport to see what planet they were over.

It was brown. And brown. Just brown.

Luke adjusted the thrusters and took the Sabre down slowly through the atmosphere. He missed his home, no matter how horrible his childhood had been and how he had hated it back then. It was still home. And it reminded him of a much simpler time.

A blood-curdling scream from the other side of the ship broke into his thoughts.

"SKYWALKER! What the blast are we doing at Tatooine?!!"

Edited January 15, 2007 by Mara

January 18, 2007

... Yavin 4, Jedi Temple...

Corran and Mirax arrived at Kyp's door. They knocked. They knocked again.

"Maybe he's gone already?" Corran hoped.

Mirax merely looked at him and got out a little tool, jimmying the lock open.

Once inside, they looked around the sparse apartment.

"Wow."

"What is it?" Asked Mirax.

"Nothing, just.. I thought Kyp's place would look a lot different. Like with the latest holo and comm equipment and stuff..."

"Where else does Kyp like to go?"

"We could check in the lounge... he likes to sign karaoke in there." Corran knew it was a lie but he didn't want to admit to Mirax that he enjoyed it too.

"It's a weird obsession of his."

"Am I allowed in there?"

"Uh... sure! No one's around. It's break. Even Luke is gone."

Agreed, they head off to the staff lounge to look for Kyp.

....

...Jade's Sabre, Tatooine...

Luke tried to collect his thoughts so he could safely land Mara's ship. Partly because the scream jolted him and he almost ran into a rock formation and partly because he needed some new underclothes. He just wanted to get out of the pilot seat.

He acted casual, badly, as he set the ship down slowly and carefully.

Mara came in then. She just stood there and glared.

Luke locked everything down before he turned around to look. He could feel through the Force how deadly it would be, but did so anyway. He visibly winced.

"Can I explain?"

"Why the blast did you think I wanted to honeymoon on Tatooine?!"

'Er... this isn't the only stop..." He wanted to continue but quickly added an explanation.

"I thought I'd show you around the old farm... tour Mos Eisley... Maybe see if any of my old friends are around Tosche Station...

We could commune with Ben in his old hovel." Luke looked hopeful, but Mara's glance told him not to press the issue.

"Skywalker..."

Luke sighed. "All right. We'll leave. But we need to refuel, so we might as well go do something. We can't just sit on here all day."

Mara seemed about to shoot this down, when a look came across her face. "Well, I am hungry."

"Great!" Luke took this as a good sign. "Well, we're in Mos Eisley. I'm sure we can find a good cantina."

The two left the Sabre and headed out into the city.

...

... Jedi Temple, Yavin 4...

Corran and Mirax were leaving the lounge, having not found Kyp there. Corran was about to suggest blasting the whole idea and leaving without Kyp, when Mirax spoke up.

"Wait, Kyp's a teacher here, right? Don't you Masters have some kind of office? Maybe he's working late."

Blast. "Uh, yeah. We can check his office. Otherwise we'll have to assume he's already gone."

Kyp, please don't be in your office, please, please...

They headed up a level to where the offices were.

...

... Jedi Temple...

Meanwhile, Kyp was still laying on the floor of his office, sipping from his flask of ale, staring lovingly at his holo of Ki-Adi.

The darkness was getting to him. He had let his glo-ball of energy run out because he was so distracted.

"Oh, my precious.. my precious.. what would I ever do without you?" He hugged the holo tight against his breast and reached for his flask. He sipped. He sucked at it. It was empty.

Kyp sat up in a panic. He scrambled around in the dark in his office, banging things around, looking for more hidden stashes of ale. Getting more frantic and flustered, he hurried around the small space until he had ransacked the whole place.

The dreaded reality was setting in for him. Kyp grabbed his holo and hugged it tight. Then he screamed.

"Nooooooooooooo!"

Just then, Corran and Mirax opened up the door to Kyp's office.

"What the kriff -- ?" Asked Corran.

At the sudden burst of light and voice entering his little ruined sanctuary, Kyp tripped over some piece of furniture. He dropped his holo.

"Owwwwww!" He yelped.

Then he began to sob.

....

...Tatooine...

Mara and Luke found a nice cantina to grab some lunch in.

Luke was surprised at how much Mara ordered, but he just chalked it up to the fact that she was angry and emotional. She always tended to eat a lot when she got like that. He reasoned it was a good thing she had a good metabolism because she was upset and angry a lot. Because otherwise --

"Skywalker?" Mara broke into his thoughts. He desperately thought of something else.

"Yes, dear?"

"You're staring." She glared.

Luke unglazed his eyes and realized he was looking directly at a Ithorian.

"Oops, sorry... hehe..." Luke tried to laugh it off.

The Ithorian walked towards their table.

"What are you staring at?" Asked the Ithorian in its musical voice.

"Er nothing. My mind was just wandering. I assure you, I was not staring at you."

The Ithorian wasn't convinced. It picked up Luke, dangling him above the floor.

Mara didn't move to help. She was busy eating her ronto steak.

"Perhaps we could work this out diplomatically?" Where's Leia when I need her?

"I'm Jedi Master Luke Skywalker.. perhaps you've heard of me?"

Mara s######ed in between bites. Luke glanced over and glared at her.

"No one stares at me and lives," Said the Ithorian.

Luke winced. This was going to hurt. He didn't want to pull his lightsaber on it...they were such peaceful creatures.

The Ithorian threw Luke across the Cantina, smashing him into a couple of unoccupied tables.

"No more staring." With that the Ithorian turned around and slapped a few coins on the bar before leaving.

A few moments later Luke came limping back to their table. He poked at his cold food.

He noticed Mara was on her second helping.

She shrugged. "I like to eat while I'm entertained." She snickered.

Luke rolled his eyes and tried to stomach his cold bantha ribs.

Mara reached over and poked Luke. "You know... let's stay here a while. You're a lot of fun."

"I was just beat up by a peaceful Ithorian!"

She laughed. "I know and it was krffing fun to watch!"

He sighed and turned back to his meal.

Edited January 18, 2007 by Mara

January 19, 2007

Jaina sat in the corner of the her room on Vegacidbiza scribbling furiously on her datapad.

The ski trip from hell

Ok so I was due to go on the annual Hoth ski trip during Master-Parent conferences this year and now I'm wishing that I'd gone to visit Uncle Wedge to fly with Rogue Squadron instead. Jacen decided that it would be a great idea for all of us to go around wearing nothing but underwear and hats. I swear that my brother was dropped on his head as a baby. I don't know how he managed to convince me, I mean, I am the smarter one, but somehow he managed to. Luckily Master Korr got us on a transport and we made it to Vegacidbiza.

Where to begin...

Well, we got onto the planet and it was absolutely amazing. There were bright colors everywhere. And the shiny objects. I've never been so easily distracted. Everywhere I look here there's a shiny object. I had to come to my room just for a little downtime. But now we're going to go to some party called a rave. I can't wait and I'll blog about it later.

Jaina hit the publish button just as Tenel Ka knocked on her door. "Come on my friend, it's time to party!"

"I'm coming!" Jaina grabbed her lightsaber since the party poster said to bring glowsticks and ran out the door.

January 19, 2007

Anakin, Tahiri, Valin and Jysella made their way down the brightly lit sidewalk of the Vegacidbiza Strip. For miles ahead, countless casinos, hotels and strip clubs dotted the landscape. This was much better than any ski trip.

"What do you guys want to do first?" asked Jysella.

"Strip club." Anakin and Valin agreed. Tahiri whacked them in the back of their heads.

"No." Tahiri said. Then she got a sinister glint in her eye. "Let's head to the casinos!"

"We're not old enough!" Valin protested.

"We're not old enough to go into a strip club either. How were you going to manage that?" argued Jysella.

"Jedi Mind Trick." replied both Anakin and Valin.

Meanwhile, Tahiri was trying to enter one of the casinos. "I'm sorry," said the bouncer at the door "but I'm going to need to see some I.D.

Tahiri waved her hand in front of the bouncer's face. "You do not need to see my I.D."

The bouncer, as if in a trance, repeated, "I do not need to see your I.D." He allowed Tahiri inside. Jysella and Valin strode up to the bouncer and waved their hands in front of him.

"You do not need to see our I.D."

"I do not need to see your I.D. Enjoy your stay." Laughing, the two made their way into the casino. Anakin began to follow them.

"Hold it." said the bouncer, stopping him. "I'm going to need to see some I.D."

Anakin shrugged, and waved his hand.

"You don't need to see my I.D."

The bouncer shook his head. "Yes, I do."

Anakin frowned, confused. He tried again. "You don't need to see my I.D."

The bouncer shook his head, angry now. "Yes, I do! What do you think you are, some kind of Jedi waving your hand around like that? I'm a bouncer! Mind tricks don't work on me, only I.D."

Anakin was really confused now. "Yes they do. My friends just used mind tricks on you not a minute ago!" he argued.

"Well, I guess you really suck with mind tricks then," explained the bouncer, "now get out of here."

Anakin, frusterated stormed off, and took a turn into an old alley.

"Glynda!" he called.

Glynda appeared in a puff of pink smoke. "Yes, master?"

"I need a fake I.D." he wished.

"Are you sure this is wise, Anakin?"

"No, but I don't care. I want to get into that strip club!"

"Don't you mean casino?"

"Err...right. Sorry."

Glynda shrugged. A fake I.D. magically appeared in Anakin's hand.

"Wizard!" exclaimed Anakin.

"What?"

"Err...I heard Grandpa Vader say it once." With that, he took off, but then paused. "Wait a second, what's the catch?"

Glynda frowned. "Catch?"

"Yeah. What's the ironic consequence of this wish?"

Glynda shrugged. "How should I know?"

Anakin shrugged off his unease and dashed out of the alley, proudly displaying his newfound I.D. to the bouncer.

The bouncer looked the card over. "Everything seems to be in order," he said. "This isn't a fake I.D., is it?" he asked.

Anakin smiled. "Why yes it is!"

The bouncer gave him a look.

"I mean...no. It's not. At all. A fake I.D. It's about as far away from fake as you can get. In fact, it's a real I.D. There is a distinct lack of fake in this I.D."

"It's fake, isn't it?"

Anakin sighed sadly. "Yeah."

***

"You can't do this to me!" protested Anakin as the cell door was slammed shut. "I know my rights! I want my phone call!" The guards ignored him. Slowly, a large, balding man whose body was covered in tattoos and the scars of many a knife fight got up from his cot. He stood behind Anakin and rested his hand on Anakin's shoulder.

"You're my little puppy now, boy." said Bubba.

Glynda suddenly appeared.

"Glynda, is this the consequence of my wish?" Anakin asked, terrified.

"It would appear so, Master Anakin." she replied.

Anakin whimpered.

***

Round and round the roulette wheel the ball went. Where it stopped...Tahiri knew. With a slight motion of her hand, she commanded the Force to drop the ball into the Red 22. Giggling evilly, she collected her winnings.

***

"Dude...I am sooooo stoned." observed Jacen. He prodded his sister. "Jaina. Jaina. Are you stoned too?"

Jaina sighed. For the hundreth time, she replied, "Yes, Jacen. I am stoned."

"Duuuude. So am I!" Jaina, irritated, stumbled her way over to Zekk.

"Isn't this rave great?" asked Jaina. Zekk nodded.

"Dude...I am sooooo-" started Zekk.

"I know." interrupted Jaina.

Someone stumbled and lost control of his glowstick. The glowstick sailed through the air, right at Jaina. Zekk's eyes grew wide and he quickly drew his lightsaber and blocked the glowstick.

"Jaina! They're attacking us with lightsabers!" Zekk cried.

"What? No, Zekk! Those are glow-" Jaina tried to explain.

"We must have stumbled into a party run by...the Sith!" Zekk cried, his eyes widening in fear. "That's why they drugged us!" He called the other Jedi to his side. "Guys! The Sith have led us into a trap! We have to fight our way out!" Zekk immediatly sliced a raver in two. Jacen, Lowbacca and Tenel Ka drew their sabers even as Jaina tried to stop the massacre from unfolding before her eyes. As the limb of a raver, still clutching their glowstick, whipped by her head, she realized it was too late.

Master Aal'lis merely sat in the corner, giggling to himself.

"Duuuude," he said to no one in particular, "I am sooooo stoned!"

***

"Hey, has anyone seen Anakin?" asked Jysella.

Tahiri shrugged. "We'll find him later. I'm on fire!" she said as she rolled the dice at her craps table.

***

Anakin seized the phone with the desperation of a man who was...really desperate.

Sorry, analogies aren't really my strong suit. In fact, my analogies are about as good as...

Damn it.

I've gotta call mom and dad. They'll be mad, but at least I'll be out of here! Quickly, Anakin tapped in a number, hoping someone would pick up.

"Hello." said the voice on the other line.

"Hi," said Anakin assuming it was his mom, "listen I need you to-"

"You've reached 1-900-555-VERONICA, where all of your fantasies come true," continued the voice on the other line in a lusty voice.

"What?" asked Anakin, confused.

"Whatever can I do for you, stud?"

Horrified, Anakin slammed the phone back on the receiver. Then he realized he had wasted his only phone call to get him out of jail. Sadly, he walked back to his cell, where he found Bubba lying on his cot seductivly.

"Whatever can I do for you, stud?" asked Bubba.

Anakin whimpered.

***

Meanwhile, Raynar, Lusa and Tekli were attending a performance by Zoygfiend and Ron, the famous magicians.

"Look, look!" cried out Lusa delightedly, "Ron is bringing out the Vornskrs!" And indeed, Ron was bringing out several vornskrs, their fur a magnificent white.

"You sure it's a good idea to have those vornskrs out here? I mean, they're not in cages or on leashes or anything." Tekli asked, worriedly.

Raynar shook his head. "You worry too much, Tekli. We're safe. These vornskrs are really well trained." They then watched in horror as one of the vornskrs mauled Ron. "Then again," added Raynar, "maybe not so much.

***

Jaden Korr knew he could no longer hide from the past. If he didn't confront it now, he might always be running from it. He boldy walked into the manager's office. The manager looked up from the papers he had been reading.

"Jaden? I haven't seen you in years! Where have you been?" he asked. Jaden shook his head.

"That doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm back."

"You're ready to continue being a showgirl again?" the manager asked.

Jaden bit his lip, and nodded.

"Yes. I'm ready to dance again."

Edited January 20, 2007 by Chickenman

January 20, 2007

... Jedi Temple ...

Confused at Kyp's behavior, Corran looked at Mirax, who shrugged.

Corran decided to use his Master voice.

"Now, Kyp... you know that sobbing won't get you anywhere, so stand up and climb that rope, er.. just stand up!"

Stunned, sad and moaning, Kyp was surprisingly complacent. He obeyed without hesitating. He even threw in a salute.

Satisfied, Corran went on. "Now, Kyp... you need a vacation. Mirax and I will be taking you on a little trip to a nice and fun.. safe planet.

Do you want to go?"

Kyp relaxed, but then his lip trembled when he realized he was missing his precious ale and holo.

"I -- I -- I don't know... Can Ki-Adi come with me?" He scrambled on the floor and came back up with his holo of the famed Jedi Master.

Mirax stifled a giggle while Corran tried to figure out what to say.

"Uh, yes. Yes, he can come. Now, let's go up to your room and pack, all right?"

"Oh, goodie! A trip!" Kyp hugged his holo tight and skipped out of his office heading for the 'lift.

Corran shook his head.

"What just happened?"

Mirax giggled. "I don't know, but I think you just got another son." She left the office and went down the hall, chuckling the whole way.

Corran sighed and closed Kyp's office door. This Advanced Physics class was doing worse things than he thought.

He SO needed to get Luke back for this one.

.....

... Tatooine ...

Meanwhile, Mara was having a fun time at Luke's expense while they were exploring Coruscant. Luke had no idea why. Mara never had a case of the giggles before.

Then, suddenly her whole mood switched a 180 while they were exiting the speeder outside Obi-Wan's old hermit grovel.

First, she stopped laughing. Then her eyes clouded over.

Luke hurried her inside the hut so the outburst he knew was coming wouldn't disturb any of the native wildlife in a 1000 km radius.

Narrator: And there we will leave them until the story calls for them again because, well, frankly... arguments aren't much exciting.

Kids, say good-bye to Luke and Mara.

.....

... Vegacidbiza, jail cell ...

"Glynda!!" Anakin yelled as he cowered in a corner as far from Bubba as possible.

The genie appeared. "Yes, Anakin?"

"Despite my best judgment, please get me out of here! Nothing can be worse than this."

'As you wish..." The genie snapped her fingers and just like that... Anakin was no longer in the jail cell.

Instead, he was backstage at the Golden Shaft, surrounded by dozens of females from various species. Some of them looked male, but Anakin wasn't one to be judgmental.

Silently cursing Glynda, but not too much because he was at least on the same planet, he immediately looked for a door out.

He wasn't quick enough. A makeup girl was headed straight towards him.

"Oh you must be the new girl." She shook her head. "Rusty will recruit anyone nowadays." She "tsk'ed" and opened up her makeup bag. "But don't be afraid.... Miracle Mary is here to help. I can see you need a lot of help... You're a little short and underdeveloped, but we can fix that."

And with that, she strapped Anakin down and turned him into the prettiest showgirl in the casino.

......

... Rave concert ...

Just moments later, after a flurry of energized minutes, Jacen, Jaina, Zekk, Tenel Ka and Lowbacca were the only ones left in a mass pile of dead raver's body parts.

"I tried to stop myself, but my mind wouldn't listen." Said Jaina.

"Duuuuude.... Those are dead people!" Remarked Jacen.

Jaina shut down her lightsaber and persuaded the others to do the same. Being the only one who was recuperating from the spice and who knows what else they took from complete strangers at the rave, Jaina tried to knock some sense into her friends.

"Come on... This party seems to be done. Let's go find something else to do."

"Yes!" Said Tenel Ka. "I hear there's a fantastic show at the Golden Shaft."

Lowbacca rowled an assent.

"Okay, that sounds like fun." If it was a show, Jaina thought, there'd be plenty of pretty objects to look at.

"But what about Master Aal'lis?"

Zekk looked around. "Who?"

"Dude? Dude!" Said Jacen.

"No, I said 'who'," repeated Zekk.

"Dude!"

Tenel Ka broke in. "We'd better hurry." She looked around quickly. "I think we're being followed!" she whispered.

Jaina looked around with her eyes and the Force. There was no one except for the five of them.

"Ooo-kay. Off to the show, we go."

"Duuuuude.... look, there's dead bodies!"

Jaina rolled her eyes and pushed her brother in the direction of the Golden Shaft.

Edited January 20, 2007 by Mara

January 20, 2007

Anakin nervously waited backstage with the rest of the girls. That's when he noticed that one of the showgirls looked oddly familiar...

"Master Korr?" he asked incredulously.

Master Korr spun around, surprised. "Anakin? What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" retorted Master Korr.

Anakin and Master Korr glanced around nervously.

"I won't tell if you won't." Anakin promised.

"Deal." replied Master Korr. The two shook on it.

"I just hope no one's here that might recognize us." remarked Anakin.

***

Jacen, Jaina, Tenel Ka, Zekk and Lowbacca slid into their seats. Jacen noticed they had purchased seats right next to Raynar, Lusa and Tekli.

"Hey," he said, waving to the obscure minor characters, "I didn't know you guys were in this story!"

Raynar shrugged. "I doubt any of the readers noticed either."

Lusa nodded. "I doubt any of the readers are nerdy enough to know who any of us are."

Jacen had allready stopped paying attention.

"I think the show is about to start." observed Zekk, as the cleaners were almost done removing Zoygfiend and Ron's blood from the stage.

"This is a fact." Tenel Ka repeated her catchphrase as the studio audience erupted into laughter. It didn't matter how many times she said it, it just got funnier and funnier each time.

"I'm Rick James, bith!" added a white guy, clearly as funny as Dave Chappelle, and not ruining the joke at all by repeating it 73 times a day.

"Git-r-done!" replied another.

Corran, Mirax and Kyp slid into the vacant seats right next to the young Jedi Knights.

"Looks like we arrived just in time." noted Mirax.

Corran glared at the kids. "Just what are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be on the Hoth Ski Trip?"

"About that..." began Jaina.

"Shhh!" said Jacen, "the show's about to begin!"

The curtain drew open, and the Jedi's collective jaws dropped.

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Raynar.

"That's Master Korr!" exclaimed Corran and Mirax.

"That's Anakin!" exclaimed the kids.

"That's Ki-Adi-Mundi!" exclaimed Kyp, tears of joy streaming down his face.

The three Jedi/Showgirls on stage glanced at each other nervously.

January 21, 2007

The three showgirls looked at each other and conferred for a moment before starting a kickline. Anakin busted out singing.

At words poetic, I'm so pathetic

That I always have found it best,

Instead of getting 'em off my chest,

To let 'em rest unexpressed,

I hate parading my serenading

As I'll probably miss a bar,

But if this ditty is not so pretty

At least it'll tell you

How great you are.

You're the top!

You're the Coliseum.

You're the top!

You're the Louver Museum.

You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss

You're a Bendel bonnet,

A Shakespeare's sonnet,

You're Mickey Mouse.

You're the Nile,

You're the Tower of Pisa,

You're the smile on the Mona Lisa

I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop,

But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

Your words poetic are not pathetic.

On the other hand, babe, you shine,

And I can feel after every line

A thrill divine

Down my spine.

Now gifted humans like Vincent Youmans

Might think that your song is bad,

But I got a notion

I'll second the motion

And this is what I'm going to add;

You're the top!

You're Mahatma Gandhi.

You're the top!

You're Napoleon Brandy.

You're the purple light

Of a summer night in Spain,

You're the National Gallery

You're Garbo's salary,

You're cellophane.

You're sublime,

You're turkey dinner,

You're the time, the time of a Derby winner

I'm a toy balloon that?s fated soon to pop

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

You're an arrow collar

You're the top!

You're a Coolidge dollar,

You're the nimble tread

Of the feet of Fred Astaire,

You're an O'Neill drama,

You're Whistler's mama!

You're camembert.

You're a rose,

You're Inferno's Dante,

You're the nose

On the great Durante.

I'm just in a way,

As the French would say, "de trop".

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

You're a dance in Bali.

You're the top!

You're a hot tamale.

You're an angel, you,

Simply too, too, too diveen,

You're a Boticcelli,

You're Keats,

You're Shelly!

You're Ovaltine!

You're a boom,

You're the dam at Boulder,

You're the moon,

Over Mae West's shoulder,

I'm the nominee of the G.O.P.

Or GOP!

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

You're a Waldorf salad.

You're the top!

You're a Berlin ballad.

You're the boats that glide

On the sleepy Zuider Zee,

You're an old Dutch master,

You're Lady Astor,

You're broccoli!

You're romance,

You're the steppes of Russia,

You're the pants, on a Roxy usher,

I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop,

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

Just as Anakin finished singing, he spotted two familiar figures, one of which was very tall and hairy, heading towards the stage. He tried to hide behind Ki-Adi-Mundi but Kyp was hugging his feet, while licking Ki's legs. Ki-Adi-Mundi was busy screaming "Get off of me you freak!"

There was no where for Anakin to hide. Master Korr was dancing and entertaining some of the less than gentlemanly patrons of the club with a lapdance. Anakin looked sheepish. "Uh hi dad, Chewie. What brings you guys here?" Chewie picked Anakin up and shook him. "Chewie! Stop! I can explain! You see I got arrested trying to get into the casino with a fake ID. GAH!" Chewie shook Anakin even harder.

"Chewie, stop shaking him. He'll get it even worse when his mother finds out about this. Now go put some real clothes on boy, I'm taking you home to your mother. You just HAD to ruin my one chance for fun while she agreed to do some diplomatic work on the planet Melmac, didn't you?"

Anakin wished that he could shrink into the ground. Punishment by his mother. The day couldn't get any worse.

January 22, 2007

Mirax and Corran were unable to keep Kyp from leaping onstage at the sight of Ki-Adi Mundi. As Kyp feverishly licked Mundi's legs, Corran joined his wife in slouching down in their seats, and pretending not to know Kyp.

"My Precious!!!!" Kyp was exclaiming between licks. Mirrax noticed two familiar figures approaching the stage. Namely, Chewbacca and H. Solo.

"Oh no," she murmured to Corran, " the last thing I need is Leia calling me and asking why we took her kids to a strip club. Or Vegecidbiza for that matter!"

Mirax covered her face in her hands, and slunk down even lower in her seat. Corran threw his jacket over his face and did the same.

As Han vented his frustrations with Anakin, the Horns could hear every word.

"I'd hate to be Anakin when Leia hears about this!" whispered Corran. Mirrax nodded in agreement.

"We can tell you all about it!" said Jaina eagerly. Like Jacen, she too was hunched down in her seat, trying to avoid being noticed by Han or Chewie. What Han had said to Anakin surely would transfer to both her and Jacen as well.

Lowie had went off to lurk in a darkened corner the moment he saw his uncle climbing the stage.

Only Tenel Ka, Raynar, Lusa, and Tekli were able to watch the show ( which is this case was watching Ki-Adi Mundi attempt to escape the infatuous clutches of Kyp) without fear of parental public humiliation.

" Unu? Urrr bu burrrr!!" trilled a small Killick that had appeared at Raynar's feet. Raynar smashed the offending bug with no hesitation, despite the possible forshadowing signified by the Killick's sudden appearance.

A scream by Tenel Ka betrayed everyone's positions.

Jacen turned to look at her. Tenel Ka never screamed. Well, not in fear anyways.

Han turned.

"Tenel Ka?!...JAINA?!... JACEN?!!" he noticed Corran peeking out over the top of his jacket. " CORRAN?!! MIRRAX?!" Corran sheepishly lowered his jacket. Mirax and the Solo twins had a look on thier faces that seemed to say, " We are sooo busted!".

Han spared Raynar, Lusa, and Tekli from Name Recognition With ! and ? Added for Good Measure, mainly because he had forgotten their names.

Everyone turned to look/ glare at Tenel Ka. She looked absolutely terrified, and on the verge of collapse.

"Master Korr! He...he's wearing a g-string!"

"I was trying really hard not to notice, but now that you mention it..." sneered Anakin, still in showgirl attire.

"He's wearing it BACKWARDS !!!! wailed Tenel Ka.

January 22, 2007

While everyone was glancing at Master Korr because it was just one of those things that people looked at no matter how horrible they knew it would be, Mirax and Corran snuck out of the Golden Shaft, hoping that no one would see them. They didn't want to be blamed for the antics of someone else's kids. And they figured Kyp would be okay for a while. If need be, they had a homing device on him to find him when it was time to leave.

"Woah, that was close," Said Corran as they hurried around a corner.

"Yes... There's no way Han would believe our story about Kyp."

"I know." He glanced around. "Want to go somewhere quiet for a while?" He winked.

Mirax was about to consent when she realized something.

"Wait! If the Solo kids are here, where are our children?"

Corran's face sunk. Stupid kids...

He looked up at Mirax. "Yes! Let's find them and take them from this horrid planet."

Mirax nodded and walked off to the nearest casino.

Corran sighed. It would be a long day.

......

Meanwhile, Jysella, Valin and Tahiri hadn't cared about what happened to Anakin. Tahiri had won over a million credits and showed no sign of slowing down.

'Come on, snake eyes!" Jysella yelled, cheering Tahiri on.

At the same time, Valin had molded his butt to a chair in front of a slot machine he had been sitting there so long.

.....

Back at the Golden Shaft...

While, his father was yelling at Jacen and Jaina and the rest were staring at horror at Master Korr and Master Korr was trying to cover his dignity and Kyp was still trying to carry Ki-Adi away, Anakin called up Glynda.

"Yes, master Anakin?"

"When did you get so formal?"

"It was an experiment. You have a wish?"

"Yes, Glynda. Get me outta here! Better yet, off this planet!"

"As you wish..."

Anakin grimaced and was about to reverse his wish and ask about consequences but it was too late.

He looked around. There was sand everywhere. Well, everywhere except in front of him. In front of him was a large palace.

He shrugged, this couldn't be too bad. Maybe he could call for help or find someway to get home and hide from his parents.

He knocked on the large door. And waited.

A few moments later, it opened up slowly and Anakin went inside. The door closed with a clang and it was dark inside the entrance.

Anakin fumbled for his lightsaber. He couldn't find it. Probably Glynda's horrible consequence.... I'm off the planet but don't have my lightsaber. Real mature, Glynda...

Just then he was grabbed and dragged away. He was dropped off in a room filled with female Twi'leks and other exotic looking women.

His eyes widened and he looked down. He was still in his showgirl clothes.

"Ahh... another dancer..." boomed a deep voice. Anakin looked around. It was a Hutt.

He gulped.

Then screamed. "GLYNDA!!!!!"

......

Back on Vegacidbiza, Mirax and Corran were looking in all the casinos, hotels and anything resembling a bar for their children. So far, they had no luck.

They were taking some lunch and resting in a small park they had found when someone walked by.

"Eww... take a bath!" mumbled Corran.

Hearing him, the man turned around.

Mirax's eyes widened.

"Master Aal'lis?" Corran asked.

"Dude.. Corran... it is so nice to see you, man..." Answered Master Siff Aal'lis, now clad in a ragged robe with his hair let loose and a headband wrapped around his head. He wasn't wearing shoes.

"Er, likewise, Siff...."

"Siff?"

"That's your name...?"

"Oh, yeah, dude.. Siff... yeah....

Hey, Corran, duuuude.... wanna join us?" Master Aal'lis pointed up farther in the park where there were more people gathered around, sitting in circles and talking.

"No, thanks, Siff." Answered Mirax for Corran. "We're just here for a snack. Then we need to find our children."

"Hey, man, that's okay...." He lifted his hand with his fingers in the shape of a V. Then he wandered off.

Edited January 23, 2007 by Mara

January 23, 2007

Han stared blankly at the spot that Anakin had been standing on only seconds before. He blinked.

"Anakin?" he called out uncertainly. "Anakin?"

His heart froze. His son had dissapeared right before his eyes!

"Oh man," he groaned, "Leia's gonna kill me."

He didn't notice as members of the Vegacibiza police force made their way into the crowd, determined to arrest Han and Chewie for rushing the stage.

Chewie approached Han and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Look on the bright side," Chewie growled in Wookese, "that kid always was a punkass."

Han nodded. "Yeah." He smiled. "Come on Chewie, let's get out of here."

The pair turned around to see an entire auditorium staring back at them, silently waiting for them to begin entertaining them.

Sweat trickled down from Han's brow as he realized he needed to think of something quick. Everyone was staring.

He began to place his hands before himself, then suddenly stopping as if his hands had encountered a wall.

An invisible wall.

Chewbacca took Han's cue and began to whirl a pretend lasso, tossing it in Han's direction and moving closer as though he were pulling himself to Han.

The pair looked up. The crowd was completly unimpressed, staring expectantly.

Han nervously counted.

"One, two, one, two, three, four."

The band, who had been on stage the entire time, began to play "Everybody Needs Somebody To Love," as Han and Chewie donned their blues costume. They tossed black pants, and a black suit jacket over a white shirt and tie. They then tossed on black sunglasses, and to finish the costume, black fedora hats.

Han approaced the microphone stand.

"We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight, and we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Vegacidbiza's Law Enforcement Community who have chosen to join us here at the Golden Shaft at this time. We do sincerely hope you'll all enjoy the show, and please remember people, that no matter who you are, and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that make us all the same. You...me...them...everybody, everybody."

Chewbacca then took over on lead vocals.

"Hnn-rowr yrroonn nng rarrr!

Hnn-rowr yrroonn nng rarrr yo agaaha!"

Han repeated, "Someone to love"

"Huwaa muaa mumwa!"

Han chimed in again, "Sweetheart to miss"

"Ah muwaa yourg!"

"Sugar to kiss

"Roooarrgh ur roo roo roo!

Roooarrgh ur roo roo roo!

Roooarrgh ur roo muawa!

I need you you you ah wu aaa!

Wyaaaaaa. Ruh ruh!

a-oo-mu wyaarg

Ruh gwyaaaag

Wua ga ma uma ahuma ooma!

Roooarrgh ur roo!

Wyaaaaaa. Ruh ruh!

a-oo-mu wyaarg

Ruh gwyaaaag

Wua ga ma uma ahuma ooma!

Roooarrgh ur roo roo roo!

Roooarrgh ur roo!"

Han took over again, speaking rapidly:

"You know people when you do find that somebody

Hold that woman, hold that man

Love him, hold him, squeeze her, please her, hold her

Squeeze and please that person, give 'em all your love

Signify your feelings with every gentle caress

Because it's so important to have that special somebody

to hold, kiss, miss, squeeze and please..."

"Hnn-rowr yrroonn nng rarrr!

Hnn-rowr yrroonn nng rarrr yo agaaha!

Yo agaaha!

Huwaa muaa mumwa!

Ah muwaa yourg!

Roooarrgh ur roo roo roo!

Roooarrgh ur roo roo roo...!"

The crowd jumped to their feet, applauding. Han and Chewie took a bow.

Han whispered, "Let's get the hell out of here."

With that, they sprinted for the Falcon.

***

Glynda appeared. "Yes Master?"

Thinking quickly, Anakin slid out of the chain around his neck and clasped it around Glynda's.

"Anakin? Why are you doing this?"

"Two reasons," he replied, "first, this running gag with you is getting rediculously old, so I'm stopping it before it continues to get any unfunnier. Second, there's no way I'm going to be a Hutt's slave girl like my mother, even though she looked really hot in the slave costume."

He paused, thinking about what he had just said.

He threw up.

"So yeah," he said, wiping his chin, "adios." He sprinted away, as fast as his feet would carry him, and caught the first shuttle back to Yavin IV.

Glynda shook her fist in his wake. "You'll pay for this! Just you wait!"

With that, she felt a tug at the chain around her neck, as she was pulled deeper into the center of the throne room. Sighing, she began to dance.

The Shyriiwook in the song are actual phrases. If you're bored, try translating them here to see what the song ends up saying. (Hint: It's nowhere near the correct lyrics to the song. )

Edited January 25, 2007 by Chickenman

January 25, 2007

...Vegacidbiza...

Mirax was shocked at the appearance of Master Aal'lis, and she said so after they left the park.

"Corran... I don't like how this is turning out."

"Me either. This was supposed be a nice vacation for us, while the kids were gone. Then Luke made us take Kyp and --"

"No, Corran. That's not what I meant.

I meant these... these... instructors here who are supposed to be in charge of our children."

"Oh. And?"

Mirax paused before moving on. "Well... Dear, I don't want our children going to the Jedi Academy any more. I want to take them out and get some real schooling."

Corran was surprised. And confused. "But there's no where else for them to go. I'm sure I could talk to Luke about this... maybe get some disciplinary action.. There's no reason why they can't stay at the Academy.."

"I'll home school them. For all the important stuff. And you'll teach them all that Jedi stuff."

"Er...."

"Don't worry about it. You'll have to quit teaching at the Academy. And then you can stay at home with the children with me. It'll be like old times again. I can even get dad to come in for a guest speaker."

Corran sighed. "But dear..."

"No buts. This is final. I've decided. We'll get the children, leave this wretched planet, go to Yavin and pick up their stuff and yours, and then go right home."

"Yes, dear..." Corran hung his head as they went into the next casino to look for his kids. Corran blamed Kyp.

.......

... Tatooine...

A long few hours of discussion and arguing, Luke and Mara had finally made their peace with each other. Mara had forgiven Luke for taking her to Tatooine for vacation because it was with good intentions and Luke forgave Mara for laughing at him. And giggling at him. He figured it was stress and this vacation was duly needed.

They had found Obi-Wan's old bedroom and were just curled up under a blanket, enjoying each other's company.

Mara was telling Luke about her student, Rianna. She didn't know what to do with her.

"I mean, it's like.. she doesn't try or anything. I know the Force is important to all Jedi, but like we've learned, sometimes you don't have it available. All Jedi need to know how to survive and live without it. It can't become a handicap."

Luke nodded. "I know. But you said her name was Rianna?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, I don't recall any student with that name at the Academy."

Mara raised her brow. "Well, you are busy. You can't possibly know all the students.

He smiled. "Yes, but I do try." He reached for his datapad and scrolled through some items.

"Ah, here it is. The registration list.

Mara, are you sure? There's no record of a Rianna anywhere in here."

"Maybe she lied about her name."

"Okay..." Luke didn't believe this, but thought he should humor his wife.

"What does she look like?"

Mara told him and he looked for any students that fit the description. He came up with four.

She looked but said none looked like Rianna.

Luke cleared his throat. "Mara...."

"No, Luke, I am not going crazy! I know I have a student just like her!"

"I'm not calling you crazy... Maybe this is all psychological. Maybe you've made this Rianna up to replace some childhood memories you never had? Or maybe it's some way of your unconscious trying to cope with the trauma of losing the Force? You've created this other personality who leans heavily on the Force. It must be something going on in your psyche."

"Skywalker, you're crazy." Mara turned over and faced the wall.

Luke sighed. "I'm sorry, but I don't know what else this could be."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "But whatever is bothering you, we'll figure it out."

......

... Back on Vegacidbiza...

Jaina, Jacen and Tenel Ka watched Han and Chewie run out of the Golden Shaft.

"Wow... all that embarrassment made dad forget about us!" Said Jaina.

"This is fact." Added Tenel Ka.

'Duuuude... let's go get some more of those plant cigars..." Mentioned Jacen.

"Er, Jacen, I think you've had enough."

"Yes," said Tenel Ka.

Jacen giggled.

Jaina rolled her eyes and said to Tenel Ka. "Let's go get Lowie and get out of here."

They all headed backstage, where they had seen Lowie run off to when Chewie had got on stage and started singing.

Jaina and Tenel Ka looked everywhere, but couldn't find anything. It was only a bunch of showgirls and Master Korr, who had rushed off stage full of shame. He sat at a mirror fixing his mascara.

Jaina shuddered as she passed a Kyp and Ki-Adi Mundi. Kyp was sucking on Ki-Adi's fingers, while Ki-Adi was trying to get away, but kept tripping in his stilettos, which made it easier for Kyp to get at him.

Hurrying on, the three looked around for Lowie. Well, the two of them. Jacen had gotten distracted by some costumes and was trying them on.

Then, "LOWIE!" Jaina screamed.

Disctracted into temporary lucidity, Jacen ran over with his pink feathered boa to join Tenel Ka and his sister. They had found Lowie in one of the dressing rooms. He was covered in half-naked showgirls. And was enjoying it. Apparently being shaved helped him socially.

Lowie just shrugged and grinned when he saw Jaina, Jacen and Tenel Ka there.

"Lowie, come on... we have to get out of here. Before dad realizes he left us here.

He rumbled something.

"No, leave Master Korr here. He wasn't much help anyway. I'm sure we can fly the Academy shuttle.

Master Korr will be much happier here."

Finally Lowie agreed and the four of them started back through the backstage area so they could get out of the Golden Shaft and leave Vegacidbiza.

"Maybe if we write a paper on what we learned, we'll get off easy..." Said Tenel Ka.

"Maybe, " answered Jaina, shuddering again as they passed Kyp on top of Ki-Adi, who was screaming for mercy."

Lowie asked what Kyp was doing there.

Jaina shrugged. "I don't know... But let's get out of here."

They hurried out, leaving the Golden Shaft behind them.

Just a few moments after, Ki-Adi happened to see a Anakin's lightsaber on the floor where he had left it before going onstage. He activated it and swung upward, managing to cut one of Kyp's arms off.

"OOOWWWWWWWW!" Kyp wailed.

Getting Kyp while distracted, Ki-Adi got up and ran away.

Kyp hugged his stump of an arm and curled into the fetal position, mumbling about his precious.

Edited January 25, 2007 by Mara

January 27, 2007

The students found a transport that was heading towards Yavin IV. Jacen used the Force to persuade the pilot that he had a pressing need to go to Yavin IV. Classes started again in about 10 standard hours and it was going to take 9.45 to get back to the temple. Nothing like cutting it close. So as they waited to get back to Yavin, the students lounged in passenger hold.

Jaina kicked back and counted heads. "Me, Jacen, Tenel Ka, Lowie, Tahiri, Raynar, Lusa, Tekli, Ana.... Oh crap! Jacen, brother of mine, we've left Anakin behind."

"But I didn't see him anywhere after he ran off of the stage singing that awful song."

"Hmmm. I wonder where he went off to. Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara are going to kill us for losing him."

"Nah. We don't have to tell them that we lost him. We'll just lie and say that he decided to leave the Jedi Order and take up a new career in entertainment."

Jaina snickered. "Yeah, his revealing new entertainment career. They just may believe that. After all, I heard that in Kyle's class before the weekend that he jumped up and yelled 'YIPPEE!' and that Kyle assigned him a 1,000 word essay to write that's due in class today too. Mom and dad are gonna kill him when they find out. Luckily, they only should have heard good things about us, that'll save us."

"Well, except for the fac that I'm failing Kyp's class. But dad should forgive me after seeing Kyp lick Ki-Adi-Mundi's feet on Vegacidbiza."

"Good point bro. I wonder where Anakin is."

TBC, but I gotta go to work now

January 30, 2007

... Vegacidbiza ...

Mirax and Corran entered another casino looking for their children. They were about to leave when they heard a familiar voice coming from the slot machines.

"Woo! Go cherries!"

Just then Valin felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Son..."

He turned around. "Er.. mom? What are you doing here? And dad?"

"Coming to bring you home out of this filthy place." Answered Mirax.

"But, mom! I was doing so well!" He indicated his bucket of credits that was overflowing.

She sighed. "Valin, you are underage and will march right now to the desk and give all your winnings back."

"But, mom...."

"I'll go with you." She motioned to Corran to look for Jysella as she steered Valin away from the slots.

Corran looked around the casino, using the Force to sense his daughter's presence. He found it, towards one of the walls.

As he got closer, he saw Jysella looking around, lost. Her eyes widened when she saw her father. She tried to run, but he caught up with her quickly.

"And where were you going?"

"Umm..." she stammered. "I couldn't find Tahiri."

Corran shook his head. "She's on her way to Yavin 4 with the rest of those twerps. Your mom and I are taking you home, after we pick up your stuff at the Academy."

"Dad! What's going on?" She asked as they waited for Mirax and Valin by the entrance.

"Your mother feels that the teachers at the Academy are bad influences and we'll be homeschooling you. At least for the rest of the summer.

I'll talk to your mother in letting you back in the fall. Depending on how your studies go."

"Man, this sucks." Jysella pouted. "I'm gonna miss all my friends."

"Yeah, well.. that's life." Said Corran.

Just then Mirax and Valin joined them and the family headed out the door of the casino and towards the spaceport to their ship.

...

Once in their ship and on their way back to Yavin 4, Mirax and Corran took some more time to explain how they got to Vegacidbiza and more of their reasoning behind what prompted them to pull them out of the Academy.

Afterwards, the two were stunned. They were so busy in the casino they hadn't know about half of what went on.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me about Kyp. He was always a little weird during class." Said Valin.

"Valin!"

He grimaced. And then mumbled. "Well, it's true..."

"I don't understand why we have to be home-schooled. Can't you just get Luke to fire the bad Masters?" asked Jysella.

"No, honey. It doesn't work that way." Said Corran.

"Besides," added Mirax. "I don't think those other students are a good influence either."

"But they're my friends!"

"Well, you'll have to find new friends now." Mirax went back to the cockpit to check on things.

When she was gone, Corran gathered his kids close. "Don't worry... I'll figure things out with your mother. For now, go along with it. And you can still call your friends on the comm, too."

They consented and went to their cabins to sulk for the rest of the journey.

........

... Tatooine....

Since classes were starting again, Luke and Mara had headed back to the spaceport in Mos Eisley to get back to Yavin 4.

"So, did you enjoy your vacation?" Asked Luke, as he strapped himself in.

"Well... I guess, I did, Skywalker. Mostly." She looked at him. "But next time, I pick the planet."

Luke laughed. "Yes. All right. You got a little too sunburnt. Not used to all that sun like me."

She glared at Luke.

...

A few standard hours later, they arrived on Yavin 4. They headed back inside the Academy and prepared for classes that began the next morning.

Man that post sucks.. lol... but I couldn't think of much else.. and I can't use my plan for a little while longer....

February 2, 2007

On Tatooine...

Anakin dashed out of the room and decided that he had to get outta there fast because classes started again soon and he had to turn in his essay in Kyle's class. "Now how do I get out of this castle? Let's try going up." Anakin went up a flight of stairs, then up again, then down, and down. Then for some unknown reason he went left, then right and left again, then right again. Then he jumped on some buttons labelled 'B. A. Start.' He looked up and was right back where he started. "SITHSPIT! How did this happen? I'm never going to get off of this blasted planet! I'm really going to be in trouble!" He looked around and found a side room to rest in. He'd just have to be late back to the Academy and take his punishment like a man. After all, what was the worst thing that Uncle Luke could do to him?

He walked into the room and was surprised to see that the floor was uneven. He reached for his lightsaber to light up the room and realized that he still didn't have it. "Crap, I'm going to have to build a new lightsaber before having Lightsaber Combat training later in the week too. How much worse can it get? Ow! What in the name of seven Corellian Hells did I just step on?" He reached down and picked it up and found that it was some sort of scepter. It suddenly dawned on him, and a lightbulb went on over his head, illuminating the entire room. He was in a Hutt's treasure room! There was enough stolen treasure in here for him to buy a ship and get back to Yavin IV. He bent down and shoved as much as he could into his pockets.

He started walking out of the room and he felt drowsy. Real drowsy. Eh, he didn't have to get back to the Academy right away. He thought and realized that there was time for him to take a short nap. He found he softest pile in the room and fell asleep.

Hours later...

Anakin woke up and reached to rub the goo out of his eyes that builds up while you're sleeping, but he couldn't reach his eyes. "Haku ta?"

His eyes popped open. Why was he speaking Huttese? He looked down and realized that something really freaky had happened during the night, he'd become a Hutt!

February 3, 2007

... Yavin 4...

While all the other Jedi students were rushing around, gathering up their books for their first classes of the day, the Horns were instead packing up all their things into large suitcases.

Mirax was helping the children, so Corran had some time to dwell in this thoughts while emptying out his office and removing all his things plus some things that belonged to the Academy but he figured it was owed him.

"I hope Mir knows what she's getting into.. homeschooling those two kids... They're gonna be a handful..."

He sighed and put a few more books in a box. Looking around his empty office, it all hit him. Now it was real what they were doing.

They had spoken to Luke about it earlier and he had understood reluctantly. He knew the kids needed a change and he was always in support of family. If the Horns needed some family time and homeschooling was the answer, then he couldn't stop them.

Corran had noticed that Luke didn't mention anything about the Masters who Mirax claimed were bad influences. Perhaps they had suffered a worse fate than himself.

And, he thought, it was good of Luke not to mention anything about Kyp's not being at the Academy. Of course, he was busy organizing things and Corran would be damned if he would stick around until Luke wanted an explantion.

He looked around his office one more time. He spied a stapler and hid it in his box. Along with a caf mug that said "Physics 4ver."

He picked up his box of things and closed the door behind him. He knew he wouldn't be missed by the students. After all, he taught gym and hardly anyone liked their gym teacher. At least, all those who were bad at it hated him.

He headed down the hall to the 'lift to join his family.

......

A bell chimed and all the lagging students rushed into rooms before it was finished ringing. Break was over and classes were starting once again.

Luke was walking down the hall himself. He had been hoping to catch Corran to ask about Kyp, but his office was empty and he assumed Corran and his family had left.

He continued his way down the hall and entered a classroom.

The students turned to stare at him. They looked scared.

Luke cleared his throat.

"Ahem. Well, students... it seems that Master Durron is um... on vacation for the rest of the semester."

They groaned; they didn't want Master Skywalker to teach them physics. It'd be even worse than Kyp and Kyp actually knew what he was talking about most of the time.

"No, don't worry. I won't be teaching."

There was a sigh of relief.

"And since Master Secura, who usually teaches Advanced Physics won't be back until after the summer, I am afraid that I must cancel your class.

Master Secura will catch you all up next semester. But don't take this as a break, I expect you all to keep up and read your book in your spare time. I don't want anyone falling behind."

He nodded. "You may go meditate in your rooms or practice your lightsaber skills with Master Yoda."

Luke left the room and he was barely out of the doorway when all the students ran screaming and yelling in delight down the hall.

Luke shook his head, chuckling, wishing he were that young again.

His mind had wandered over to the Tatooine, but was interrupted by a strange vision in front of him.

Luke rushed over to a ragged-looking Ki-Adi Mundi.

"Ki-Adi! What's wrong?"

"Master Skywalker.. I have decided to cut short my... sabbatical. I think I need some structure. All that time of was ... bad for me."

"Well... If you really need to... " Luke thought for a moment. "Well, since Corran is gone, you can teach gym? Would that be all right?"

Ki-Adi nodded. "I am grateful, Luke. Thank you." And with that, Master Mundi headed off to the gynasium and his waiting students.

Back in his office, Luke reflected on the break. All in all, he thought, it had been a good one. No problems were reported. The older students seemed to enjoy their ski trip on Hoth. He did think they had looked a little too happy to be back on Yavin 4, but he just figured they were eager to learn.

The only glitch was Kyp. Corran wouldn't give him any details. Luke sighed. He hoped nothing had happened to Kyp.

.....

... Vegacidbiza ...

Kyp moaned and opened his eyes. A bunch of strange looking show girls stared back at him. Kyp was scared and jumped up to his feet.

He noticed the small pool of blood on the floor. He glanced at himself and realized half his arm was missing.

"OW!"

Since this was only getting him stares and not sympathy. And certainly not any closer to Ki-Adi or his precious ale, Kyp decided to walk away.

He grabbed a metallic skirt on the way out, using it to wrap around his stump. He didn't want to freak people out. Man, he was glad it was a lightsaber so it cauterized the arm. Otherwise he might have lost more blood.

Then Kyp realized his thoughts were coherent. More coherent than they had been in a while. More than... well, he was as coherent as he was before he started that blasted Advanced Physics class.

Since he was thinking clearly again, Kyp wandered off to the spaceport, looking for some form of transportation to anywhere besides Yavin 4. He didn't want another breakdown and avoiding Advanced Physics was the ticket.

He hummed to himself as he walked.

February 5, 2007

(Guys, I think I'm going to GASP Post! )

Jaina and Jacen went to their last class before lunch, automatically taking their normal seats in the back. History of Music was taught by Tionne Solusar, who right now was cleaning the dry-erase board at the front of the classroom. Jacen pulled out his notebook and started doodling like he normally did. he didn't know why, but his drawing today consisted of an oversized and obviously messed up Hutt passed out in a treasure room.

"Jacen my friend...I worry about you sometimes."

"I worry about myself sometimes."

The door opened, capturing everyone's attention, including Tionne who had already started the lesson. She was writing something illegible in the board about musicians from the Sith war Era. How boring.. Jaina thought. Tahiri Veila walked in , asking Tionne if she could have a moment to make an announcement. Tionne agreed, asking that the barefoot blond make it quick.

"Hey Everybody, I know Master Secura is usually in charge of Student Life, and she's away until next semester...(Which is probably why I heard the ski trip to Hoth was a bust), but Master Skywalker has given us permission to still hold our annual "Jungle Love" Dance out in the courtyard."She said happily. The classroom errupted in cheers. Everybody remembered the party from last year. "Last year someone managed to sneak in an entire cargo-hold of ale for the party, but Master Skywalker is sure that won't happen again."

Ganner Rhysode grinned guiltily, a few fellow students like Miko Reglia and Wurth Skidder patting him on the back. Tionne saw this and raised an eyebrow at him curiously and they fell silent.

"Thank you Tahiri." Tionne smiled at the girl as she left. "Because the dance will be featuring music discussed in this class, I will offer extra credit to anyone who attends."

"YES!" Wurth Skidder exclaimed, and it was certainly apparent who was in danger of failing the class.

"Don't forget to bring a date!" Tahiri added.

Tionne went back to the board, teaching her lesson.

"So who do you plan on asking this year?" Miko asked Ganner.

"This year the lucky girl is going to be Jaina Solo." Ganner grinned at the other student.

"I was going to ask Jaina." Miko frowned deeply.

"Good luck guys," Wurth Skidder sniffled, tousling his messy blond hair. "You're going to need it if you're going to compete against me."

A few seats back...

"Hey Jaina," Zekk whispered, tapping her on the shoulder and stealing her attention. "I was uh wondering..."

"Zekk! Since you're talking you must know the answer to my question." Tionne placed her hands on her hips.

"Uh...what was the question again?"

"Maybe you should stop flirting and pay attention." Tionne snapped, causing everyone to laugh. Zekk and Jaina grew red with embarassment. Well that was smooth... Zekk scolded himself.

While Tionne was busy scolding Zekk, Wurth Skidder released something in the classroom. Jacen's eyes widened when he saw it...his crystal snake! But how had Wurth Skidder gotten it? Jacen watched as the crystal snake made it's way across the classroom, slithering up the desk and into Tionne's bowl of twi'leki noodles. His eyes widened as she walked back to her desk, shaking her head at Zekk and went to take a bite out of her noodles.

Her scream was heard across the hall. She felt like she was going to be sick. Wurth, Miko, and Ganner laughed as their teacher ran from the room.

Tionne grabbed a hold of the first adult she'd seen, a Jedi named Quinlan Vos. "Master Quin...I don't feel so good...I need you to take over my class." Her stomach lurched and she ran for the bathroom before he could refuse.

Great, Quinlan thought as he walked into Tionne's classroom. What do I know about music? Jacen Solo was at the front of the room, retrieving his snake, and Master Quin crossed his arms, looking at him accusingly.

"I didn't do it!" Jacen swore. "Awww man....mom and dad are going to kill me..."

"Sit down." Quin said, and Jacen did. Quin sighed sitting on Tionne's desk. "You guys aren't learning instruments or anything are you?"

"She was just teaching us the harp actually." Ganner piped in.

"Tell me you're joking."

"I wish I was."

Quin sighed, looking over the lesson plan. "Slemo...alright. We're scrapping the lesson plan. Uh....have any of you guys heard of Bob Marley?"

"The Comedian?" Jacen asked.

"No, the musician." Quin shook his head, his dreadlocks moving with him. He sighed. "What has this woman been teaching you..."

(Quin looks like Bob Marley...kind of. If you squint your eyes. =P)

Edited February 6, 2007 by MysteriousBlue

February 8, 2007

... Aboard the Errant Venture ...

"I still don't see why we couldn't have just gone home to Corellia," asked Corran.

"You know why. I told you. The kids will be much safer here on daddy's ship. Here they will be above influence and will learn their studies." Answered Mirax.

"Okay... But you still agree that if they behave they can go back to the Academy, right? There's only so much Jedi stuff I can teach them."

"We'll just see how this goes. If they catch up enough now and through the summer. And if they're ready to enter the Academy again, it's possible."

"Well, as long as there's a chance." Corran smiled, hopefully.

"'Cause you know those kids will go stir crazy."

"Oh, I think daddy will keep them entertained when they're not learning."

Corran rolled his eyes. "There's not even anything here to keep me entertained."

Mirax glared at him.

"Er, besides you, of course, honey...."

She walked away.

"Wait.. Mir... I didn't mean that.." He hurried after her.

...

"Woo! Finished!" triumphed Jysella.

"How can you be done? Mom gave us a ton of homework..." Said Valin.

"'Cause I'm smart." She grinned.

He rolled his eyes. "No, you probably cheated off of the HoloNet."

She stuck her tounge out at him. "Did not."

Valin sighed and went back to his work. "I think I'd rather have Kyp teach me physics than mom...." he mumbled.

Meanwhile Jysella, feeling satisfied with herself for finishing her homework, thought she'd check on how her friends were doing over on Yavin 4. Her mother never said anything against HoloIM. Well, she didn't say anything for it either... but Jysella didn't care.

She signed in to look to see who was on the HoloNet. She saw that Tahiri was on so Jysella messaged her.

JHorn999: Hey, Tahiri!

~BareFootJedi~: Jysella! I miss you. The Academy hasn't been the same without you...

JHorn999: Yeah, I know. This sucks. I hate my mom as a teacher.

JHorn999: So what have I missed?

~BareFootJedi~: Well, word is... the Jungle Love dance is back on this year.

JHorn999: Blast! Really? That sucks.

~BareFootJedi~: Yeah.. and, don't tell her, but I hear Jaina Solo has like four guys after her to be her date.

JHorn999: No? Really? Wow...

~BareFootJedi~: Yeah...

~BareFootJedi~: So what have you been up to?

JHorn999: Just homework. And school. It's so boring here! And we're even on grandpa's Star Destroyer, but there's no time for fun. Unless I sneak some like now.

~BareFootJedi~: Wow, cool... I like that ship.

~BareFootJedi~: Maybe we could come visit some weekend.

JHorn999: No... I don't know the coordinates. Mom doesn't want us bothered.

JHorn999: She thinks you all are bad influences.

JHorn999: :roll:

~BareFootJedi: That blows.

JHorn999: Oh, I better go. Valin's waving at me... mom must be coming...

~BareFootJedi~: Okay, see ya.

JHorn999: Bye.

And then Jysella quickly turned off her comm station, in case it was her mother coming.

...........

... Yavin 4 ...

Luke Skywalker was in his office, going over some papers and completing some legal notes involving Kyp's disappearance. He needed to figure out whether to report him missing or to just simply fill out a resignation form for him. He sighed.

Maybe he needed to head over to the Master's lounge later and relax with some ale and karaoke....

But just then, there was a knock at his door.

Luke looked up. "Come in." He hoped it wasn't a student.

It wasn't.

A distinguished man with a cloak swept into the office.

Luke jumped up.

"Lando! What brings you here? How come you didn't notify us? We could have --"

"No, Luke. I wanted to talk to you. In secret." He looked around the room, trying to reassure himself that it was safe before continuing on. "I have this new project you might be interested in..."

Luke sat back down behind his desk and waved to the chair in front of it.

"Go on..." He used the Force to shut the office door.

Lando cleared his throat. "Well..."

tAll done...

Edited February 9, 2007 by Mara

February 12, 2007

Jaina, Tahiri, Tenel Ka, Tekli and Lyric were hanging out in Jaina's room near the top of the temple making their plans for the Jungle Lust dance. "Ok ladies," Jaina started. "We shouldn't have any problems getting dates, so what we need to focus on is the important thing, wardrobe. We need to coordinate our wardrobes, but we don't want them to be identical because then we'd look like those twins from Commenmor that are so like, ew! We need to find some cool and exotic dresses, that are nothing like what anyone else will be wearing."

Tenel Ka thought for a minute. "Well, I could contact my grandmother and she could send us some models wearing the newest Hapan fashions. I promise you that no one else will have anything like them, since it's forbidden to buy them out of the Cluster without the Queen Mother's permission."

"But Tenel Ka, anything your grandmother would send to us well, we might as well just go and get some webbing outta the forest here and drape it over ourselves," Tekli said. "I'm not so sure about it."

Tahiri agreed. "I think we should go out somewhere. I've got an idea! Let's go to the Errant Venture and shop there! Booster always has great stuff to buy, PLUS we can rescue Master Horn, Valin and Jysella from Mirax!"

Jaina nodded. "And I know just how to get us there. I'll go ask Aunt Mara if we can use her ship. I'll be right back." Jaina raced down the stairs to her aunt's office and pounded on the door.

"Enter."

"Hi Aunt Mara! How are you?"

"Whoa Jaina, calm down. What do you want?"

"You mean that I can't just come and see how my favorite aunt is doing?"

"Jaina, first off, I'm your only aunt, and secondly, I can read you in the Force. You're very excited."

"Well Aunt Mara, the girls and I were talking about the Jungle Lust dance and we were wondering if we could borrow your ship to go buy some new dresses. I'd pilot it."

Mara leaned back in her seat. "Jaina, you've barely piloted my ship. I know that you're a good pilot, and I'd trust you if you and I were on it, but you and your friends I just don't know."

"Awwwwww come on Aunt Mara. Pretty please." Jaina busted out her secret weapon, the puppy dog eyes.

Mara Jade Skywalker, former Emperor's Hand and current Jedi Master, melted when she saw them. "Ok! Fine! Just stop doing that! I'll tell you what, I need to do some stuff to my wardrobe anyways, so I'll come with you. I'll tell your Uncle that we're doing some self defense exercises and we'll go on a shopping spree. But there's one condition."

"Yes?"

"Under pain of death, you will NEVER teach that look to any children that your uncle and I may have in the future."

"Deal."

"Ok, tell your friends that we'll leave after we get out of class tomorrow. Where are we going anyways?"

"Errant Venture."

Mara smiled, it would be good to see Booster again and get some info from him.

March 1, 2007

... Yavin 4 ...

A couple of hours later, Luke and Lando were leaving Luke's office.

"It was great to see you again, Lando."

"Of course, Luke. The Academy does look great.

It was too bad Mara wasn't here."

"Yeah.. I don't know where she went. And in the middle of a school week." Luke tried to ignore the fact that Lando wanted to see his wife for any reason other than that they were old friends.

He cleared his throat. "So, Tendra's doing all right?"

"Oh, yes..." Lando answered as they walked down the hall and towards the landing pad.

"A little moody sometimes, but then I just go inspect my various projects those weekends." He winked.

Luke raised an eyebrow. "You mean you inspect your casinos?"

Lando raised his arms. "Hey, you can't expect me to know if they're running all right if I don't inspect the sabacc tables."

Luke laughed, "I guess not."

He sighed. "Mara's been... moody, too, lately."

"Ah, women and their crazy problems."

"Yeah..." Luke shrugged.

They arrived at Lando's ship.

Lando hugged Luke and started up the landing ramp.

"Think about my proposal, Luke, don't forget!"

"I won't! Take care of yourself!"

Lando threw him a lazy salute and went aboard his ship. A few moments later, it took off.

Luke sighed and headed back inside the Academy.

....

Jaina, Tenel Ka, Tahiri and the rest of their friends ran out of their last class excitedly. They threw their books in their rooms and grabbed their handbags. Then they ran off to the landing pad to meet up with Mara.

Mara lowered the boarding ramp to the Sabre and called down to the girls.

"Come on, let's go!"

The girls ran up and got all their things settled. Mara started up the ship and lifted up, heading towards the skies.

She called Jaina and Tahiri up to the cockpit.

"So, why the Errant Venture, of all places?" She gazed at the girls, reaching to the Force to help her determine what they would say.

"To save our friends." Tahiri answered matter-a-factly.

Mara was confused. "Which friends?"

"Valin and Jysella."

Mara smiled. "Rescue them? They're not in trouble. They're just being homeschooled."

Tahiri sighed. "But Jysella says she's not having any fun and I thought that--"

"Tahiri, Jaina, you know her mother doesn't want them at the Academy any more.

I don't agree with it either, but you have to respect her wishes. Corran--I mean, Master Horn told me that if all goes well, theyll be back in the fall, back at the Academy.

Their mother just wants them to focus back on their studies for a while. Don't worry about."

They two girls looked downcast. "Okay..."

"But... there's no reason that you can't visit them. And the Venture is so large, her parents may never know we're there." She smiled.

"Really, Aunt Mara?" Asked Jaina. "We're still going?"

"Of course. I promised you all dresses for the dance."

Jaina settled into the copilot's seat; Tahiri in the navigator's seat.

Mara turned back to her piloting and started looking for some coordinates.

"Uh, you don't happen to know which system the Venture is in, do you?"

Jaina glanced at Tahiri. Tahiri shook her head. "Not even Jysella knew."

Mara took the Sabre up to orbit Yavin 4.

Wait!" Tahiri shouted, I have an idea..."

She typed away furiously at the comm station.

"Yes! She's on the HoloNet!"

~BareFootJedi~: Tahiri, you have to find out what system you're in.

JHorn999: Hey, Tahiri.

JHorn999: What? Why? You know mother wouldn't tell me.

~BareFootJedi~: C'mon, it's important. Ask your grandfather.

JHorn999: He's not here.

~BareFootJedi~: Oh, well...

~BareFootJedi~: I know! Look out the viewport, what stars and constellations are there? Do you recognize anything?

JHorn999: Um, no.

JHorn999: But I was never any good at astronomy...

JHorn999: I'll ask my brother.

JHorn999: He says we're somewhere near Ryloth.

~BareFootJedi~: Awesome, thanks!

JHorn999: Why?

~BareFootJedi~: No reason, bye!

Tahiri signed off.

She grinned. "Somewhere near Ryloth."

"That's awesome, Tahiri!" Added Jaina.

"All right," said Mara. "To the Ryloth system."

The Sabre blinked into hyperspace.

March 28, 2007

...Ryloth system...

A few hours later the Sabre blinked back into real space near the Ryloth system. Mara immediately began a search of the surrounding area for the Errant Venture.

"Mirax must really not want any disturbances. I can't find the Venture anywhere." Noted Mara.

"Me either, Aunt Mara," sulked Jaina from the copilot seat.

She glanced at Tahiri at the nav station.

Tahiri was furiously tapping buttons.

Mara turned back to her consoles and started another search. She was about to give up when Tahiri shouted something.

"Hey, I got something!" Shouted Tahiri.

"What is it?" Asked Jaina excitedly.

She pulled up the image to the cockpit so Jaina and Mara could take a look.

"Good job, Tahiri."

Tahiri beamed at Mara's remark.

Mara opened up a comm to the rest of the ship. "Okay, girls, strap in. We've found the Venture and we're going in."

She took ahold of the control stick and throttled towards the coordinates Tahiri had found.

....

"Jade's Sabre requesting permission to land aboard the Errant Venture..." Mara commed to the destroyer.

A strained voice came back to her. "I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken.... This isn't the Venture, and even if it was, I couldn't let you aboard. I'm on strict orders. We aren't supposed to be found."

Mara rolled her eyes.

"Let me speak to Booster."

"Uh, he's not here... I told you."

"Look, you little ensign or whatever you are, this is Jedi Master Mara Skywalker and I demand to be let aboard to see Booster!"

"Umm... wait a moment... ma'am.. I'll check..."

Jaina glanced at Tahiri and gave her a thumb's up.

The weasely voice came back. "He's not here, but Mr. Horn has given me permission to let you land." He then began to give them landing coordinates before signing off.

Mara grinned. "See, that wasn't so hard."

She steered the Sabre towards the landing bay.

.........

... Yavin 4, Jedi Academy...

Down in the cafeteria, Zekk ran up to Jacen's table.

"Have you seen your sister?"

Jacen blinked at Zekk. "Uh. No."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Well, you know, I was gonna ask her... to the.. uh, to the dance this weekend."

Jacen rolled his eyes. "Good luck. But I don't know where she is. In fact," he glanced around the large room, "it seems her and most of her friends are gone as well."

Zekk looked also. "Yeah, there seems to be a shortage of girls around. I wonder where they could be...." He was about to continue on when Wurth, Miko and Ganner came up to the table.

Jacen looked at them with a bored look. "Yes?"

Wurth spoke up. "Do you--"

"No," he interrupted. "I do not know where Jaina is."

He nodded to the side of the room. "Why not ask one of those girls out?"

The three boys glanced over where Jacen indicated.

"Ew, no!" Exclaimed Miko.

"Those are the.... losers." Ganner spat out the last word like it was poisonous.

Jacen raised his eyebrows. "And who decided that?"

Wurth sputtered. "Well, uh.. everyone knows it! They have no friends... they're not pretty... they're... weird."

"I'm sure many students thought you were weird once, Wurth. You too, Ganner and Miko." Stated Jacen.

Wurth's eyes opened. "Never!" The three made to leave.

"Wait!" Jacen stopped them.

"How about I guarantee each of you a dance with my sister, IF each of you ask out of those girls from the corner and take them to the dance?"

"But...."

"Come on, Jacen...."

"We'll all be laughed at."

"Then maybe you better make sure they're dressed the part."

Wurth was confused. "You mean, like a makeover?"

"Exactly." Jacen smiled.

"Okay, as long as we get a dance." Said Ganner. Then the three walked away out of the cafeteria to devise a plan.

April 8, 2007

Corran met Mara and the girls in the docking bay where he'd instructed her to land. Luckily, it was near the comm center so he didn't keep them waiting very long. Mara had a slightly impatient look on her face, but Corran figured that was from being cooped up for so long with Jaina and her friends. Corran put a smile on his face. "Mara! Girls! It's good to see you, I hope that you had a good trip and didn't have too much trouble finding us."

Mara grimaced. "Booster wasn't helping any by changing his IFF on the frequency that he usually broadcasts to the Temple on. What's up with that?"

Corran rolled his eyes. "I'll tell you later. Girls, I understad that you want to go shopping for the Jungle Lust dance. There are a bunch of new dresses on the diamond level, but you can't go above that. Here are some passes that will allow you access to that level and any level below it." He paused and handed them the passes. "Enjoy the shopping trip and I hope that you find something that you enjoy. Mara, can I speak to you privately before you start shopping?"

Mara nodded and sent the girls off shopping. "Let's go into the Sabre. I've got some communications from Luke for you to pass along." Corran nodded and followed Mara up the boarding ramp. The both sat down and Mara grabbed them something to drink. "How's homeschooling the kids going Corran?"

"Well, they seem to be mastering some of the techniques better, but tension is high between Mir and I."

"Do you guys have that different of philosophies Corran?"

"No, it's just, well. OK if I admit this, it won't make me any less of a Jedi will it?"

"That depends on what it is."

"Well, Mara, you've been on overnight missions with me. Do I snore?"

April 18, 2007

Adding soonsies....

... Aboard Jade's Sabreaboard Errant Venture ...

"Corran, you've been married how long now? And Mirax is just starting to complain about your snoring?"

"Well, I know it's strange, but... we've never been together this much in at one time, with all her missions and all.. and my teaching duties..

Now that we're homeschooling, we're both here together...all the time..." He shrugged.

"Is this bad?"

Mara got up and patted him on the shoulder. "Well, I think you and Mirax just need to have a talk about all these changes. I'm sure she'll understand."

"I suppose..."

"Until then," she picked something out of a pack at her belt, "use some of these." She handed him some nose strips. "They'll help with the snoring until you get used to sleeping with each other again."

Corran raised an eyebrow but merely took the offered pack.

"Thanks."

"No problem. I have extras in the cabin for Luke."

"Luke.. snores...?"

Mara smiled. "Almighty Jedi Master in public... snoring annoyance in bed."

Corran chuckled. "Thanks again."

They walked out of the Sabre together; Corran to go to his living quarters and Mara to find the girls.

.......

... Yavin 4, Jedi Academy...

Luke was bored. He wandered the halls even though classes had adjourned for the day. Mara was gone and he didn't know what to do without her. His thoughts wandered along with his body.

He passed a few students pasting up Jungle Love Dance posters along the walls. Luke shook his head. Why he ever approved the dance, he didn't know. But he did know that Mara better be back within the next couple days; they were two of the dance chaperones. And along with some of the other Masters, those were the only people keeping the students attentive to the rules of the dance.

He paced farther down the hall. His thoughts turned now to Lando and his big idea. It might be worth it, he thought. After the big disaster with the spring ski trip, the students deserved to have some more fun. And it would allow them to learn in a new environment. But even though Lando was rich, he needed more investors.

Luke sighed. He certainly didn't have many credits to his name. Nothing to waste away, at least. Who did he know who had milions?

He paused in the hallway, watching some more students decorating the Grand Hall for the dance. They were painting all sorts of random jungle images on the wall. He shuddered. It reminded him of Endor. Some student had even painted a fake Death Star near the ceiling.

Luke rolled his eyes and passed on, lost in his thoughts, when suddenly an idea came to him.

"Booster!"

"Yes, sir?" It was a young student nearby.

"Er," Luke stammered. "Never mind. Master business."

When the student was out of the way, Luke ran to his office to make a few calls.

.......

Ganner, Wurth and Zekk huddled in the cafeteria staring at the ...odd... girls and figuring out how best to approach them.

"Even if this does work, how will we get them all dressed up?" Zekk asked.

Ganner shrugged.

"Make something with the Force?" Suggested Wurth.

"Dummy, that wouldn't work," Ganner said.

"Well, do you have a better idea?"

Ganner shrugged again.

"No..." said Zekk.

.....

"Lando! Great, I caught you... I have an idea of how you may bring some credits into your little investment property..."

Luke continued on, explaining to Lando how he might get the casino and entertainment mogul on their side for the project.

"I don't know, Luke. Is he a risk?"

"Who? Booster? Nah."

"Well, will he insist that we name it after him?"

"Well.... Um... Just explain to him that it's been finalized and will only cost lots more to change all the signs."

"Might work."

Luke beamed, though no one could see him.

"Head to the Venture, Luke, and ask him."

"Me?"

"Yeah.. you have connections with him.. with Corran and Mirax and all..."

Luke was lost for words for a moment. "Uh, sure.. Yeah. Booster's my best friend, Lando."

"Great! Let me know what you hear." Lando signed off the comm.

Luke scratched his head. I guess I'm going on a trip....

......

... Errant Venture ...

Mara finally found the girls in one of the shops on the diamond level. They all had dresses on.

"Girls! You look lovely."

They all smiled widely. "Thanks!"

"Are you ready to check out and head home?"

They glanced at each other.

"No. We just got here. There's at least a few thousand more dresses here that we haven't tried on..."

"You're serious?" asked Mara.

"Yes!"

"Oh, all right... go ahead. I'll be in the cafe across the way. Find me when you're ready."

Mara headed from the shop and took a seat in the cafe. Apparently she had missed more of her childhood than she thought. Since when was shopping fun?

....

Down a few levels, in one of the casinos, Wedge Antilles' comm rang.

"Blast it, I fold."

There were some groans around the table.

"Yeah, yeah..." said Wedge as he got up and went to stand on the side by a wall.

"Yes?"

"Hey, Wedge, it's Luke. I have favor to ---"

"Luke! Good to hear from you. How are things?"

"Uh, good... Look, I have ---"

"Academy all right? How's Mara?"

"Fine. Fine. And you?"

"Family's great. Actually, I was just in the middle of something... could you call back later?" Wedge glared at Tycho who was staring at him funny and trying to get him to laugh. "I have some idiots to beat up."

Everyone at the table chuckled.

"Really? Some pilots messed up?"

"In a way.... No, actually, it's just a little Roque Squadron reunion we're having on the Venture. So Corran could come. With the house arrest and all."

"He's not on house arrest, he and Mirax dec ---"

"House arrest."

"Ah. Yes." Luke agreed. "So, I was wondering---hey, why didn't you invite me? I was an original Rogue."

Wedge covered his comm. "Luke wants to know why he wasn't invited."

Everyone just shrugged.

"Some help you are," he muttered.

"Uh, we thought you were busy, Luke. With teaching and mastering...."

"I have time for my friends. Always.

Actually, I was going to come over and speak with Booster about something... Maybe I'll extend my trip."

Luke had forgotten about favor because he felt like a young kid again, going to hang out with the flyboys.

"See you guys in a few!" Luke closed off his comm and headed for the hanger.

Wedge shut off his commlink. "Um, guys.. Luke's coming here..."

There were groans around. "Mr Valiant always brings down a party...." said a Rogue [pick who you want ;p].

"I know," agreed Wedge. "But we can't leave him out always. And it's been awhile. Maybe he's changed and knows how to party now."

That's it for now....

April 21, 2007

Corran headed back to his quarters to speak with Mirax. There was just no way that he snored. It was impossible. He was a Horn and a Jedi. He did not snore. He hit his head as he walked straight into the doorway of the rooms that he, Mirax, and the children shared. That was odd, the door was never locked unless Mirax and the children were gone, and they were always here this time of way. Then he remembered, they were doing some astronav exercises in the Skate. He decided that he'd take a short nap so that he could be full of energy to have his lil chat with his wife about his alleged snoring. He keyed in the entry code into the lock and headed towards the bedroom. He patted Whistler on the way to his bed and noticed that the droid was working on some cargo manifests for Mirax. He made a mental note to ask her if she had some trips scheduled soon. Maybe then he'd be able to let Valin and Jysella talk to their friends. Corran dropped onto the bed and was instantly asleep.

He was dreaming. That much he knew for certain. He was surrounded by a fog and there was someone coming out of the fog that looked strangely like Ooryl. It seemed kind of natural though since the Rogues had just arrived on the Venture for a reunion. The Ooryl-like figure reached out and spoke "Corran. Let me help you find what you need."

"What do I need to find Ooryl?"

"Search your heart, you know it to be true."

"What is true?"

"The truth is... sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it. "

Then Corran was rudely awoken by a loud growling noise. He reached for his lightsaber as he was springing out of bed, but all that he saw was Whistler and Mirax. "What's going on?"

Mirax smiled evily. "That, my darling husband, is the sound of you snoring."

"NO! I do NOT snore!"

"Yes! You do! I had Whistler record you while you were sleeping. I can't take it anymore! I need sleep! I can't sleep when you're snoring like that and it makes me grumpy."

Corran glared at Whistler. "Traitor." He turned back to Mirax. "Fine! If you can't love me for who I am, snoring and all, I'm out of here! This marriage is over!"

"And just where are you going to go Mr Hotshot?"

"I'll rejoin Rogue Squadron. Ooryl will help me find what I need." Corran stormed out of the room after he paused and grabbed some pants. He headed down to the lounge where he knew the Rogues were hanging out.

*******

Ooryl was engaged in a high stakes sabbac tournament when Corran found the Rouges. Corran stood back and watched as Ooryl slowly eliminated everyone but one final player. He slipped his cards into the interference field and suddenly a grin lit up his face. He layed down his cards and watched dismay fill his opponents face. Ooryl had the Idiot's Array. He had won the tournament and half a million credits. He scooped up his winnings and headed over to the squadron when he noticed Corran standing off to the side. He vectored towards Corran was standing. "What is wrong my friend?"

"Mirax and I had a fight. I'm leaving her."

"What has caused this fight?"

"She said that I snored. I know I do not. You know that I do not."

Ooryl nodded. "You do not snore, but I do find your other nocturnal emissions to be quite pleasing." He grinned. "How can I help you my friend?"

"I had a dream Ooryl. And you know that Jedi do not dream. So perhaps it was a vision. But you were in it. You were telling me that you'd help me find what I'd need. Can you?"

Ooryl smiled and stroked Corran's cheek. "I will be pleased to help you my friend. It will be my pleasure, for, I wish I knew how to quit you."

May 2, 2007

Corran smiled, then paused, thinking.

"Is there a problem, Corran?" Ooryl asked.

"Yeah. Forgive me, but did you just say you found my 'nocturnal emissions' pleasing?"

"Yes."

There was an awkward pause.

"I didn't realize I...I mean, I didn't think I still...you know..." Corran said, embarrassed.

"Oh, it's fairly common," reasurred Ooryl.

"Oh. Well...it's still embarassing."

"It's fine, my friend."

"And...and you find them 'pleasing?'"

"Well, yes, of course."

"...Interesting."

"Yes. Drool is a much sought after substance on Gand."

Corran paused.

"What?"

"Drool. Your nocturnal emissions. You drool in your sleep. Isn't this what we were talking about?" Ooryl inquired.

"What? No! I mean...yes! Yes! That's exactly what we were talking about! We were talking of nothing else!"

"Okay then. Settle down, Corran."

"Yeah. Thanks."

They continued walking. Then Ooryl turned to Corran again.

"Oh, and sometimes you have wet dreams."

***

Jacen set his book down, bored. When the hell would Raynar arrive allready? There was a knock on the door. Excited, Jacen dashed to the wall panel and opened the door. Anakin stood in the doorway.

"Oh. You." Jacen said.

"Thanks, bro. I can just feel the brotherly love permeating this room."

"Anytime. Grab a seat."

Anakin did. There was another knock on the door. This time, it was Raynar. Under each arm was a 12 pack.

"Score!" cried Jacen as he grabbed a can. Anakin sat back, enjoying his as Raynar grabbed one for himself.

"Wouldn't it be great if we could just sit around and do this all day?" asked Anakin.

Jacen got an evil glint in his eye.

***

"So explain to me what one of these 'fraternities' is?" Kyp demanded.

In Luke and Corran's abscence, and after Ki Adi had escaped him, a broken hearted Kyp had returned to oversee the Academy.

"Sir," began Jacen, "a fraternity can be described as a social club, but it can be so much more than that. Eventually, fraternity brothers become a sort of family, always looking out for one another. Wouldn't such a community be an excellent addition to the academy?"

Kyp considered for a moment, and then nodded. "Okay. I hereby present you boys with the official charter for the Alpha Sigma Sigma fraternity.

Anakin grinned. "To-ga! To-ga!"

Edited May 2, 2007 by Chickenman

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Ongoing Comedy: This One Time, at Jedi Camp

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