Ongoing Comedy: This One Time, at Jedi Camp

[Chickenman 9]

Dibs

[Mara 29]

... Yavin 4, Academy...

Things were looking up, Kyp thought. He had thought his life was over once he had lost the love of Ki-Adi, once and for all. But he had wandered the galaxy searching for enlightenment. Sadly, all he learned on his journey was how to play guitar. Badly.

But now he was back at the Academy, and instead of relapsing, some of the training he had received from some monks on some planet he had forgotten already was helping him along.. He no longer felt the need to find his holo. Or his hidden flask. No, he was in temporary charge of the Academy now that Luke had left on an errand.

And, to make things even better, the students were even talking to him. In addition, Jacen and his friends wanted to start a "fraternity," which, to Kyp, sounded like some kind of student union and gathering place. He thought it was a good plan. The students needed to interact more. And they could study techniques together. He was feeling fairly proud of himself while he walked to the lounge.

....

Jacen, Anakin and Raynar were beginning to decorate their fraternity with various items "borrowed" from the Academy and other areas around the galaxy. It was a hodgepodge of junk, but they loved it.

Kyp had given them the entire basement level to use. Jacen couldn't believe how easily they had convinced Kyp. He launched himself on a couch and grabbed another bottle of ale.

"Ah, this is the life..."

"Yeah, Jacen, this is so cool," said Anakin.

Raynar consented; he was on the other side of the room arranging a statue of some old Alderaanian goddess who had forgotten her clothes. He stared at it longingly for a while.

"But, Jacen," asked Anakin. "We're only here for another month before it's summer vacation."

"Yeah?"

"Well, what will we do then?"

"Fraternities don't go on vacation." He guzzled on ale. "We'll stay here. Forever. And Kyp won't be any wiser."

.....

... Errant Venture ...

After a very long day of shopping, Mara had stopped in to see Mirax, and see if she and Corran needed any more supplies for their children for the rest of the semester.

"No, we're fine."

"Okay." Mara paused, then moved on. "So how is it going? I mean, really?"

"It's great. Now I can see my kids all the time. I missed them while they were at the academy."

"Mmm. Yes. But how are their grades?"

"Valin is pulling all A's," Mirax beamed.

Mara rolled her eyes. "He was doing that while he was at the Academy...."

"Well, he has much better study habits now, Mara. He doesn't have any bad influences."

Mara thought back to where Jysella's friends were. They had probably snuck in and kidnapped her by now. She turned back to Mirax.

"If that's all, I should be on my way..."

Mirax grabbed her arm. "Actually, I'd like your opinion on something...."

"Oh?" Mara sat back down.

"Yeah, this.." She handed her a piece of flimsi.

Mara read through it. She wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, be angry or all three.

"Um, well... I'm sure it's just a joke, Mirax. I don't think Corran would.... Well... the Rogues are always playing jokes... you know... remember that Ewok?"

Mirax stared at the floor.

"Um... I'm sure it's a joke... or just a phase.. Mid-life crisis sort of thing...." Mara added.

.....

Luke headed down the hallway, looking for the casino where the Roques were supposed to be having their reunion. He eventually found them in a dark corner playing sabaac.

He sauntered up. "Hey, guys!"

Everyone at the table tried not to groan.

"Hello, Luke," came the unison reply.

"Got room for one more?" Luke flashed some credit chips.

Wedge whispered to Tycho, "Think he knows how much those are worth?"

"No, I don't think so."

Wedge spoke up. "Sure, Luke! We'll deal you in."

While Luke sat down, all the rest were looking greedily at Luke's credits.

A few hours later, Luke was trying to find room for the five pots, worth a total of 4 million credits, in front of him on the table.

"Wow, I must have beginner's luck or something... I haven't played in such a long time."

"You're sure you weren't using the Force, at all?" grumbled Wedge.

"Truthfully, yes. I tuned myself out. I wouldn't cheat." Answered Luke.

Wedge grumbled and dealt another round.

[Princess 35]

Next after Chicken

[Mara 29]

Next after that.

[Princess 35]

Luke scooped up the winnings to yet another pot with a big grin on his face. The Rogues just glared at him. "Come on Luke, you've taken the entire squadron for a month's pay. You were never at sabacc before." Wes was complaining with a whine in his voice.

Luke just grinned. "I've been taking lessons from Han. He's a good teacher."

A shadow fell over the table. "That's only because I taught him everything that he knows."

"Lando! Good to see you old buddy! What're you up to?"

"I was just stopping by to check on some business with Booster and he happened to mention that there's a Rogue Squadron Sabbacc tournament going on so I thought that I'd stop by. Deal me in?"

Wedge and the rest of the Rogues glanced at each other. After what seemed like an eternity, Wedge spoke up. "Sorry Lando, but Luke's taken us for everything that we've got. We only have our x-wings and our astromechs left and ya know, Starfighter Command would have our heads if we gambled those away."

Luke grinned. "Come on Lando. I'll take you on."

Lando sat down across Luke and activated the dealer. The two players very quickly got into a high stakes game, with Luke losing most of his pot to Lando. Both players were heavily consuming Lomin Ale. Suddenly Lando started giggling. "Hey Luke, hate to break it to you buddy, but your mouth is blue!"

The Rogues burst out laughing but Wes Janson had an entirely too innocent look on his face. "Wes! What did you do to my drink?!"

Wes burst out laughing. "Sorry Luke. New Rogue Squadron tradition. You've been Blue Lomined! We stuck some toilet tabs in your drink! Your mouth is going to be blue for a week!"

Luke just glared. But he'd get even with Janson later. Right now he had to win this game or he was going to lose the deed to the Jedi Academy.

TBC....

[Princess 35]

Luke was sweating heavily. His cards did not look good and the deed to the Jedi Temple was at risk. Mara was going to kill him if he lost it and he only had an 11 in his hand. Lando had a big grin on his face. Maybe he was bluffing. Maybe Luke wasn't about to lose the Academy to Lando.

The dealer turned to Lando. "Call."

Luke laid down his 11 and swallowed. Lando's grin got bigger as he laid down a 12. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luke screamed and then curled up in the fetal position and began crying.

Corran walked over to Luke, picked him up and slapped him across the face. "Luke! Pull yourself together man! You're a Jedi, figure this out!"

Luke stopped crying and walked over to Lando, making a slight motion with his hand. "You do not want the Jedi Academy. You didn't beat me in sabbacc."

Lando blinked. "Luke, I'm not some weakminded fool. You've lost the academy to me in a risky bet, and now, being the generous man that I am, I'll give you two weeks to find and move to a new location before I turn the Academy into a luxury resort. Oh hi, Mara!"

"LUCAS JAMES SKYWALKER! DID YOU LOSE THE JEDI ACADEMY IN A CARD GAME?!" Mara ran into the room and grabbed Luke by the front of his shirt and shook him. Her green eyes were flashing with anger. "What in the name of the Force were you thinking?"

"I was having such good luck honey! I thought that I could win. The Force was with me. I shouldn't have lost! Corran! Sign out an X-wing and take someone with you to find a new academy. We have two weeks to find a new spot and move the students. Otherwise Lando is going to put them to work."

Corran nodded and waved down Ooryl. "C'mon man. I need your Findsman skills. We have to find the right spot for the new Academy. Plus I don't want to be around when Mara gets REALLY mad at Luke. We ain't seen nothing yet."

**********

Meanwhile on Yavin 4...

The date for the Jungle Lust dance was fast approaching. It was only two weeks away now and plans were in full swing. Ganner, Wruth and Miko were sitting in the lounge outside their room. Ganner was full of grumbles. "Why do we have to dance with Rianna in order to dance with Jaina? She's such a freak. And Jaina is so much cooler but she's been hanging over Zekk. But I've got an idea. Let's make Rianna popular. Let's rig the votes for the Queen of the Jungle to make sure that she wins. Then, she'll be in for the surprise of her life. And we'll never have to deal with her or Jacen's stupid ideas again.

[Mara 29]

...Aboard the Errant Venture...

Lando was finishing up scooping up all his credits and depositing the deed to the Jedi Academy in his pocket, while off in a corner Mara and Luke were having a deep... discussion. In loud voices, which Corran and Ooryl had readily avoided by taking off to the Venture's ship bay to get their X-Wings prepped and ready. The other Rogues were just watching with fascination.

"How could you do such a thing?!" Yelled Mara.

"Well, I had the Force, I thought I could beat Lando...."

"Luke! No one can beat Lando. No one."

"Well, Han, could..."

Mara glared at Luke. "He's not here!"

"Well, maybe I can play him back. Double or nothing?"

Mara just stared at him.

"Hey, it could work. Really..." Luke trailed off. He knew it wouldn't work.. and then he'd end up losing the Academy AND whatever he put up against it. He'd lose the Sabre and then Mara really would kill him. Many times. Over and over again. Until the end of time.

He needed a new plan. He grimaced.

Luke tried another tactic. "Um, Wedge made me do it?"

"Try again, farmboy. You're the Master of the Acedemy and one of the most powerful Jedi. And you let WEDGE persuade you? Yeah, sorry. That's not gonna cut it."

Luke sighed. No, that wouldn't make much sense either. Luke just thought he might win some extra money off of Lando to help with... Wait, that's it!

"That's it!"

"What's it?"

"I have a plan. Lando and I had this discussion earlier... about a new project."

"Yeah and what does this have to do with losing the Academy?"

"Well... I could try trading the Academy back with this.." Luke held up a small holovid cube and pressed it. Above it appeared a lush jungle planet with lots of lakes and ponds. "Lando gave it to me to use for a .... something."

Mara raised her eyebrows. "Why don't you just put a new academy there instead trying to trade it all back?"

"Umm...well, we haven't met with Booster yet to get some more financing so it's not completely mine.. yet."

"Skywalker, you're way too moral for me."

"I can't just steal it! That's wrong!"

Mara smiled. She had a glint in her eye. "Then I will, and you can stay the perfect Jedi Master, blah, blah, blah...and all that."

"Well, there would be plenty of room for both projects..."

"Both?"

"Yeah." He leaned over and whispered to her for a while.

Wes poked Wedge. "What's he sayin'?"

"I don't know."

Wes poked Tycho. "What's he sayin'?"

"No idea."

Mara spoke up then. "Well, that's actually not that bad of an idea. And you could bring everyone back. The girls would be happy to have their friend Jysella back. Do you think Mirax would let her and Valin come?"

"Sure. We'll be there. Other Masters will be there. Lots of supervision. And it'll be warmer and a lot more fun than a Star Destroyer."

"Even one with casinos?"

"That's the point, Mara."

She nodded. "Okay, then. Let's go and get this project going, if we want it done before classes let out and before Lando takes over Yavin 4."

They headed out of the casino and were on their way to the Sabre when Mara stopped. "Wait... I need to take Jaina and the other girls back... for their dance. "

"Well, I can have Corran and Ooryl go. Since we don't need them to find a new location."

"Good. We'll try to catch them before they leave."

Luke and Mara hurried off to the docking bay.

......

...Yavin 4...

"But isn't that what Jacen told us to do, Ganner?" Asked Wurth.

"Huh? Oh, no.. he just said we should do a little makeover just so we wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with her. I'm talking about a fullscale plan here. Rianna needs to be the most beautiful, most popular, most powerful teen girl in the Academy."

"I don't know, Ganner... " said Miko. "All that just for a dance with Jaina?"

Ganner narrowed his eyes. "Well, you want a dance, doncha?"

Miko looked at Wurth. They both got up. "Go ahead, Ganner... you can spend all dance with Rianna." Said Wurth. "Miko and I were thinking that we don't need to listen to Jacen and just go dance with Jaina anyway."

"Jacen's not gonna be happy..."

Wurth snickered. "Not if he doesn't find out. Come on, Miko, we need to get some cool clothes."

They left, leaving Ganner to his thoughts of dance domination.

"No matter," he muttered. "I'll show them. Rianna will be Queen!"

.....

Back on the Errant Venture...

"Come on, Ooryl! Finish getting prepped. We need to get out of here."

"But Ooryl's X-wing is broken. Perhaps Ooryl can ride in Corran's X-Wing."

Corran glanced at his ship then back to Ooryl. "Um.. Ooryl, there's no room...."

Ooryl sighed. "Perhaps this mission is for you alone then." He kicked his X-wing with a resounding thump.

Corran bit his lip, thinking like mad. "Well, um... I suppose you can fit on my lap or something..." I hope I'm not regretting this....

Just then Luke and Mara ran in.

"Ooryl would be glad to ride on Corran's lap."

Luke glanced at Mara. Mara looked over at Corran. Corran looked sheepish and tried to run away.

Mara grabbed his arm. "Change of plans.. Luke has a lead on another planet for the Academy. We're going over in the Sabre now to get things ready.

I need you two take the girls back to the Academy."

"Yes! I mean, okay, that's cool. Ooryl and I can handle five girls." Said Corran.

But then he looked at his X-wing. "But I can't fit a bunch of girls in there..."

"No worries, Corran. You can take the academy shuttle I used." Said Luke.

"Awesome. Let's get it prepped, Ooryl." Ooryl nodded and went to the shuttle. "Okay, I'll go find the girls." He saluted Luke and headed back out of the bay to find Jaina and the others.

Mara shrugged and they headed for the Sabre. Once inside, they both asked in unison, "What was that all about with Ooryl and Corran?"

.....

Corran wandered through the many shops, looking for Jaina, Tenel Ka, Tahiri and the rest of the girls. He couldn't find them anywhere. He decided to enter one more shop, then he was just gonna forget it and go off with Ooryl.

Once inside, all he could see where giant piles of clothes. With feet. He walked around them and realized it was the girls all right.. with lots of clothes and dresses.

"Um, girls...?"

"Hi, Corr--er, Master Horn." Said Jaina. "Where's Mara?"

"She and Luke are going on a mission. Me and Ooryl are gonna take you guys back. Now."

"Now? But we've barely got anything."

"Yeah!" came a muffled shout from under a pile of dresses.

"Um, you have enough. Follow me. It's the shuttle in the bay."

Resignedly, the girls followed Corran out of the shopping level and back down the docking bay, bumping into things as they went as they couldn't see with all the dresses and things blocking their view.

......

...Sabre...

"I hope you're right, Luke, and that this new Academy and plan will be just the thing for all the new Jedi students. Maybe even Rianna will get the clue and start realizing that the Force isn't just a crutch to be used to pour your cereal."

Luke chuckled. "Yes, dear. I'm sure you'll get through to her soon."

She nodded. "And it would be good to have Valin and Jysella back. It's unfair what Mirax did. I can understand why, but there's a lot more good students than bad ones. We can always lock up the bad ones."

Luke glanced at her.

"I'm not serious." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, right... of course.

Who do you consider to be the bad influences?"

"Well..." Mara sat back and ticked off her fingers. "Jacen, Anakin, Ganner, Raynar, Wurth,..."

Luke held up a hand. "Okay, okay, I get your point.

This new planet will be just the ticket."

Mara pulled up a nav reading of the planet once it was closer in their viewscreen. She tapped some buttons.

"Weird..."

"What?"

"Did you know what this planet was named?"

"No... I assume Lando named it."

"Ah, that makes perfect sense."

"Why, what's it called?"

"Tikiwikiw***a. The summer camp planet."

Luke groaned. "Maybe we can work around it?"

Mara took the Sabre in closer. "Maybe... Wait, I'm getting readings on planets. Did Lando already start building on it?"

Luke took a closer look. "Yeah, it looks like it... Maybe we can just convert that... meeting hall building into classrooms. And the students can stay in the cabins."

Mara nodded. "That could work."

"Yeah. And it'd be a lot more informal, perhaps all the stone in the Academy was stifling them. Here they can learn outdoors in the sun."

"And they can have breaks outside, too, without worrying about nasty creatures..."

She looked at Luke. "Lando did exterminate, didn't he?"

Luke glanced at his datapad. "Oh, I'm sure he did...."

Mara shrugged and took the ship down for a landing so they could check out the buildings and layout.

......

Back on the Errant Venture....

Corran helped all the girls pile their stuff into the cargo hold. And other storage holds. And the back seats. And between the seats.

Once they were all strapped in, he looked around. There was only one more available seat. The pilot's seat.

"Where are you gonna sit, Master Horn?" Asked Tenel Ka.

"Um... I'll find a spot up with Ooryl."

Ooryl ducked in. "Are we ready to go, Corran?"

"Yes, Ooryl. Fire it up."

"Will Corran let Ooryl sit on his lap?"

The girls look at each other then giggled.

Corran turned a shade of red. "Um... I'll see you in the cockpit."

The girls giggled even harder this time.

Corran glared at them, then he and Ooryl went up front and shut the door.

He sighed. "Yes, Ooryl. You may sit on my lap, as I think I'm too heavy to sit on yours."

"Corran is right. Ooryl might get hurt."

Corran took a deep breath and settled into the pilot's seat. He waited for Ooryl to get on before strapping them both in.

Edited June 22, 2007 by Mara

[Princess 35]

Luke landed the Sabre on the landing pad at Yavin 4. Chaos reigned all around the Temple. Luke dashed down the boarding ramp and yelled at the top of his lungs, "KYP MICHAEL DURRON! IN MY OFFICE! NOW!"

Kyp met Luke in his office. "Something wrong Luke?"

"Well Kyp, perhaps you'd like to explain to me why there's this huge party going on right now? Why odd symbols are painted all over the temple that I don't recognize? And why are all of the students wearing togas?"

"It's a new social group that your nephews wanted to start. You were gone to that Rogue Squadron reunion thing and it sounded like a good idea to let them start a fraternity."

"YOU LET THEM START A FRATERNITY! WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE FORCE WERE YOU THINKING?! NO WAIT. YOU WEREN'T THINKING, WERE YOU?! Like usual, I give you just a bit of responsibility and you mess it up! Were going through more withdrawls? I thought that you'd completed rehab! That's why I'd left you in charge, but obviously, you weren't ready."

Kyp took a step back. "But Luke, it sounded like a good idea at the time. It would give the students time to study and socialize together."

"Kyp, look at it! They're having a toga party and drinking! And none of them are old enough! You've screwed up majorly this time!"

[Ender 8]

... Errant Venture ...

It was now approaching the wee hours of the morning, and the few remnants of the Rogue Squadron reunion were completely, utterly smashed. Wedge was facedown on the sabacc table, Hobbie was having a detailed conversation with a barstool, and Janson stood slumped in a corner, trying and failing to drink yet another shot of Whyren's. It was in this state that Mirax found them, as she stomped around the Venture.

Hobbie and Janson, amazingly, were still coherent enough to notice that Mirax was in tears. Big, fat, sloppy tears.

"Hey Miraxsh, what'sh hapnin', baby?" Hobbie slurred.

Mirax continued to cry. "They're gone! They're all gone! He took them!"

Janson and Hobbie looked confusedly at each other.

"Who'sh gone? Corran?" Janson asked.

She sniffed. "And the kids! They're all gone!"

This stirred the flame of nobility in the guts of the two pissed pilots.

"I know! They'vesh gone to the Aca.. de.." Hobbie struggled with the last word.

Janson thought for a moment.

"ACADEMIA!" He shouted at last.

"The Academy? But Lando owns it now! They're probably all drunk and taking drugs!" Mirax wailed.

"We'll take you in our spaceshipssh!" the two conscious pilots cried together.

"Really? Should you really be FUI?"

"We always fly drunk! It'sh more fun!" Janson said.

Mirax paused. "Okay, but you've gotta be careful!"

Hobbie and Janson began stumbling towards the hangars. Wedge snored, and fell off the table.

[Mara 29]

...Yavin 4...

Kyp looked down at his toes and really wished he had his Ki Adi holo with him.

Just then Mara caught up with Luke. She looked around.

"So this is why Lando wanted to buy the Academy... no renovation needed."

Luke glared at her. "This is a big problem. Kyp let everything and everyone get out of control!"

Kyp didn't like all this yelling. And that was the last straw. He began sobbing and collapsed onto the floor in the fetal position.

They stared at him.

"Should we do something?" asked Mara.

"No, leave him. Let's get our stuff together. Gather the students in the meeting hall and let them know there's a change of plans. We can't stay here two more weeks, let alone another day, with the way things are here. They'll have to go to Tikiwikiw***a cold bantha."

"But they're looking forward to their dance, Luke. You promised them."

"I know. They can have it at the new place. There's a real jungle there."

Agreeing, she headed off to round up the students while Luke went to gather his office things.

.......

Meanwhile, Jacen and Anakin, in toga apparel, were already hanging out in Luke's office and trying to figure out where to stash the lifesized cardboard cutout they had found of Emperor Paloatine. They heard footsteps and quickly set it up behind Luke's desk and went to hide in the closet.

Luke entered and turn on the lights. He saw the Emperor.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he shrieked loudly.

Jacen and Anakin giggled quietly to themselves and clinked a couple ale bottles together and drank.

......

...Academy shuttle...

"Corran, your lap is very warm. Ooryl likes it."

Corran swallowed. "Erm, thank you. Please concentrate on flying please."

"Ooryl thought Corran was."

"I can't see the controls!"

"Ah. Ooryl will take the lead because he is on top and can see. Yes."

Corran rolled his eyes. He never thought he'd actually miss Mirax this much.

[Jake Durron 23]

INDEED HERE IT GOES:! :twisted:... oh and by the way I'M SORRY I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY

Corran sat back and considered the statement just thought before shaking his head and relaxing back in the seat, his eyes considering the profile of his dear friend while he shifted on his lap. He groaned as he let his imagination roam and shifted uncomfortably, Ooryl growing still on his lap before shifting to stand as the ship lurched into hyperspace.

Looking down at Corran, Ooryl gave his approximation to a smile and held his hand out, "Gand would accompany Corran and aid in his emmision test." He said in a small voice, as if afraid of the other's reaction from such a bold statement.

Corran gave a contemplating look to the idea as he accepted Ooryl's hand and drew him out of the cramped cockpit. "I would like it if you are so inclined." He said as he passed the girls ignoring them as he led him to the main quarters. Opening the door he smiled at Ooryl as an overly large Martini Glass came into view, filled with a multi-colored collage of jello.

Ooryl stared at it in shock before stepping forward, the door shutting behind him as Corran gave a sassy smile and turned on music. "Relax..." He said as he began to dance, moving ever closer to the Jello.

"Ooryl thinks Corran has missed Ooryl..." He finally said as he moved closer to the badly gyrating man.

"Oh I have you big stud." He said in an attempt to be sexy before tripping over the stairs to the Martini glass.

Laughing Ooryl came around and leaned down to pick him up. "Ooryl has missed you too..." He said as he moved closer, moans starting almost immediately along with the sickening squilch of Jello.

~*~

Jaina, Tenel Ka and Tahiri were talking about their dresses while the other girls went to play sabbacc in the corner. All conversation stopped however as a loud moan of the Gand's name was heard from Corran in the next room. Twitching in disgust Jaina turned to the other girls, gagging when a phrase was heard through the wall involving images not suitable for this story or any other causing faces to turn green. "That is so disgusting." Tahiri said as she listened to the Jello slurp. Tenel Ka nodded and opened her mouth to comment but was beaten to it by Jaina, "This is totally a kriffing fact." She replied before running towards the refresher.

[Pandora 77]

After a good ten minutes of giving up her lunch and another twenty or so curled up on the floor rocking back and forth and humming to herself, Jaina had finally composed herself enough to come back out of the refresher. She had only taken two steps back into the hallway when Corran came past her in a cowboy hat and boots. Aside from food coloring stains on his skin and hair, that was the extent of his outfit. Jaina froze in terror.

"Howdy," Corran said, grinning from ear to ear and tipping his hat at Jaina. As he did so, a fist-sized glob of orange Jello slid off the brim of his hat and splattered on the deck at Jaina's feet.

Putting a hand to her mouth to stifle her gagging, Jaina raced back to the refresher unit, locked the door, and gave up her breakfast, too. Seeing as she only had a Powerbar for breakfast, it didn't take long. She rinsed her mouth out and laid her head on the counter. The thought of the Jello came back to her. She shuddered and had to splash water on her face to keep from gagging again. Then she thought of Tahiri in her barefeet.

"Oh no. Tahiri!" She yelled through the still-locked door.

"Yeah?"

"You might want to put on--"

She was interrupted by Tahiri's blood-curdling scream. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!! PLEASE tell me that was ALL Jello!!!!"

"--some shoes." Sighing in disgusted resignation, Jaina grabbed a pair of towels from the rack and made her way back out to the cabin.

"Here," she said, tossing Corran a towel. "For the love of the Force, clean yourself off and put on some clothes!"

Corran slumped his shoulders, appearing disturbingly dejected. Turning with his head down, he shuffled off to clean up. Ooryl passed him on the way back to the cockpit--and giggled at the mere thought of the word. He put a hand out to stop Corran ben he noticed he was upset. Too lovingly to describe, Ooryl lifted the other man's chin with a hand and planted one right on the lips. Ooryl smiled and slapped him on the backside as they continued their separate ways.

Jaina's back was still turned, but on hearing the kiss and the slap, she lowered her head, covered her eyes, and held the other towel out. Ooryl grabbed it in passing. "Thank you."

Poor Tenel Ka and Jysella had gone into a state of shock and had been staring, open-mouthed, at the entire proceedings. The girls blinked once as Ooryl wrapped the towel around his waist as if nothing at all had happened. They blinked again as a glob of jello fell to the deck from under the towel. Jaina recognized the sound and shuddered. The cockpit door shut and Jaina relaxed. Finally, it was over.

"Okay, let's get back on course!" Came a male voice behind her. Falling victim again to train-wreck syndrome, Jaina turned to the source of the voice. It was Corran. He'd taken off the hat and boots. Unfortuantely, he'd replaced them with a black, lacy bra, itsy bitsy cut-off shorts, with a thong. She knew he was wearing a thong because he'd pulled it up over the waistband of the too-low-for-testosterone shorts. "Corran!" She shrieked. Titles be damned, this was just wrong. "I told you to go put on some clothes!"

He tilted his head but didn't stop walking. "Dark bras ARE clothes."

With a thud, Jysella and Tenel Ka fell backwards in a camatose state.

Edited June 26, 2007 by Mistress Pod

[Jake Durron 23]

Jaina had had... ENOUGH. This was going to end now. "CORRAN HORN TURN YOUR ASS AROUND, PUT SOME REAL... MEN'S CLOTHING ON AND SIT ON YOUR BED IN A TIME OUT AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" She yelled out, channeling her inner mother as she gave him a look of finality. "Ooryl you go too." She insisted as she motioned to the back of the ship. "But I want you in separate rooms!" She said as a new thought occurred to her.

In the middle of her motherly rant the other girls had awoken, both sneeking away as Jaina's mere tone made them feel guilty and in trouble. Tahiri slipped into a side room labeled junk closet and hid inside, wishing for once that she had shoes when she almost stepped on a tack and shaking her head at the odd thought. Looking around she found the light-switch and rummeged in the trash thrown inside, giving a disgusted look to the half decayed carcass of some small animal before a brightly colored package caught her attention on a high shelf. Reaching up for it she pulled it down and read the crude basic. "Pixie Stix... Huh..." She said in amusement before pulling one out. Seeing the paper tube she tore one in half and gasped as sparkly dust fell from it. Catching some, she tasted it and squealed with delight as she poured the rest into her mouth, puckering her lips at the sour taste. "PIXIEEEEE!" She squealed before cuddling the bag to her chest and looking around to see if she could find any other treasures.

Tenel Ka on the other hand was sitting in the cockpit and looking thoughtfully towards the comm. Sighing and cursing her inability to leave well enough alone, she dialed the line to reach Mirax on the Errant Venture, a sickening sense of foreboding aching at her gut. Waiting for it to connect she was surprised to see it pick up but gasped in shock at what she saw. Mirax was indeed in her quarters, but she wasn't alone. Tenel Ka stared in aboslute shock and misery as she watched Clighal ride Mirax into the sheets, so to speak, aided by an interesting device she had seen before. This was it! She'd had it! She HAD to speak her mind... which she did... quite hysterically. "STOP ENOUGH! What in all 13 Danoobian Hells is GOING ON WITH YOU PEOPLE!" She screamed as she stared at the two females. "YOU ALL DISGUST ME!" She shrieked, her voice taking on Fish-wife like quality. "You all are worse than my father when he takes it from Grandmother!" She cried before slapping the comm off and bursting into tears, curling into so tight and small a ball that you have to wonder if she could get enough oxygen.

~*~

Meanwhile....

Jacen sat back and admired the ale he was drinking before sighing as he watched his younger brother chug his own. "Anakin, do you ever miss it?" He asked as he looked down at his dirty and torn fingernails, wondering idly if he should cut them.

Anakin swayed and sighed happily, that wonderful buzzy feeling coming back to him like a fond embrace. "Miss what, oh brother of mine who can't get laid." He asked before giggling at his own cleverness.

Jacen pouted at him, his face looking much as it did when he had thrown his last tantrum, though seeing as that was only a week ago it wasn't quite that surprising. "Do you miss the glory days with the band..." He asked before sipping more of his beer. "You know... I think we should make a comeback... Like... we should tour again." He said hesitantly, waiting for his younger brother's inebriated response.

Anakin sat for a moment, his body looking not unlike a dashboard buddy jesus figure as he swayed. "Duuude!" He finally exclaimed happily before getting up and pulling Jacen to his feet. "You're Totally right, come on, I think I have some leftover hair dye..." He said before running towards his room, tripping twice on the way there - once on a chair, the other on a piece of bellybutton lint. "GLINDA!" He cried before he panicked, "NEVER MIND!" He called again, happy to see that the bad luck genie didn't appear.

Jacen stared at Anakin before shaking his head and pulling out an atrociously ripped and shredded pair of tye-dyed pants. Pulling them on he hopped and squealed, reminding Anakin of the teenybopper fans that had followed them everywhere. "Jace, punk brother of mine... never squeal like that, you look like that idiot Timber Justlake!" He exclaimed with disgust.

Jacen pouted and shook his head, "Bend over the sink, and tell me what color dye you want, the punks are BACK!" He said triumphantly.

[Princess 35]

Anakin looked at Jacen like he'd grown a third head. "Jacen, what the hell have you been drinking? And more importantly, why haven't you shared it with me?"

Jacen stared blankely at Anakin and giggled. "I haven't been drinking anything."

"Then where did you get the idea that we were in a punk band? You've been drinking something funky."

"Nuh uh! Since Uncle Luke came back and told us that alcohol was off limits, I've had to find something new for our fraternity to snack on. I've found these great things called Pixie Sticks. They're pure flavored sugar. And if you snort them, it's even better!!" Jacen did some cartwheels across the room.

Anakin walked over to Jacen and slapped him across the face. Jacen curled up in a little ball and started crying. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO ME?"

Anakin shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time. And since we just finished the last of the ale and you're hopped up on these pixie sticks, let's start packing up the fraternity stuff so that we have it at the new location."

[Pandora 77]

***

Luke and Leia were bouncing ideas off each other, trying to cvome up with an idea for a new Academy location. Luke, of course, was turning down every thing his sister said.

"Kashyyyk?"

"Are you kidding?" Luke excalimed. "We'd have kids swinging from everything!"

"Okay..." Leia thought for a moment, "Dagobah?"

"Mosquitoes the size of mynocks."

"Coruscant?"

"Too crowded."

"Tatooine?"

"Too hot."

Leia threw her hands up in exasperation. "Well, I don't know, Luke. I've given you tons of ideas, but you shot them all down." She took hold of his shoulders and shook him hard. "PICK SOMETHING!"

Luke thought a moment. "Something out of the way, free of distractions. Like... Wayland."

Leia threw her hands up again. "Good! Fine! I don't think it's the best idea, but I'll take it. Han, shall we?"

Han walked in the general direction of the cockpit. "You know, we could try Corellia."

"NO!" Leia and Luke shouted at the same time.

"I said free of distractions," Luke said, "Not full of the stuff that used to get you into trouble. I mean, come on, what'd you do on Corellia when you were the kids' age?"

Han seemed the think for a moment. "Gambled. Drank. Started barfights. Snuck in to see a few hundred peep shows..." A look from Leia Shut him up. "So that's Wayland, right? ... yeah." And with that, Han dashed into the cockpit and promptly set the course.

Edited July 30, 2007 by Mistress Pod

[Princess 35]

All of the academy students were sitting in the academy lecture hall when a holo of Luke popped up on the main screen. "Greetings students. As you know the ownership of Yavin IV has recently changed hands. Because of that, we are having to relocate. I have found us a suitable new habitat on the planet of Wayland. Transports will be arriving shortly to pick up essential supplies and you students. I look forward to working with you to carve out a new chapter in the history of the Jedi. However, there is a bit of a challenge in moving, and so I have decided to make this a training exercise as well." Luke paused as the students all groaned. "Now, now, no whining. This is all designed to make you a better Jedi. Here's the catch, the transports only have room for 2/3 of you students. The first students to get to them will be the ones coming to the new academy. The rest of you will become workers for Lando Calrissian. No use of weapons or Force powers to get to the transports. The race for the transports start when I give the command."

Anakin and Jacen looked at each other warily. "Has Uncle Luke finally lost his mind?" Anakin asked.

"I think so," Jacen replied. "We'd better be ready to run though."

"GO!" The holo of Luke screamed. And chaos erupted in the lecture hall.

[Pandora 77]

Jacen jumped out of his chair, knocking it over in the process. Anakin grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Anakin, dude, come on. You know I'm slow. And you know I'm allergic to manual labor of any kind." Jacen tried to take off, but Anakin yanked him back.

"Jace, I have an idea. Follow me. Slowly now. Calmly." Anakin rose and led Jacen to their rooms to grab their satchels. They packed a few essentials and strode calmly to the roof of the temple. The entire trip was overrun with peril: teenagers and twenty-somethings ran every which direction, gathering belongings; guys toted a pair of pants and half-empty liquer bottles; girls schlepped three suitcases each. Fierce competition was driving the students mad. Elbows and errant trunks flew left and right, bodies where everywhere, students were tumbling down the stairs, jumping out of windows, discarded robes flew hither and thither. But admist it all, Anakin strode calmly oneward, leading a nervous and quivering Jacen behind him.

Finally, slightly bruised, the brothers reached the rooftop. Somewhere along the way, Jacen had acquired a half-open bag of lacy undergarments.

Anakin took Jacen to the edge of the roof and gestured to the treeline. "Just watch."

Jacen followed his brother's gaze to the edge of the forest and held his breath. A moment later, the mass of panicked students dashed into the trees, screaming and yelling like a tribe of hungry cannibals. Another moment later, there was silence. Anankin and Jacen were alone in the temple.

"Now what?" Jacen asked. "You have ensured our postion in last place. Are you happy? What were you thinking?!"

He was still shrieking when Anakin popped a Pixie Stik in Jacen's mouth to shut him up and began dragging him back down stairs and onto the field.

Jacen dumped the last few grains of blue powder into his mouth and stared sadly into the empty paper tube until Anakin elbowed him and pointed at the sky.

"Now watch this," he said.

They watched.

And watched.

Suddenly, Jacen felt like his mother. "Watch what?" he demanded. He gave up, and began walking into the forest.

The rumbling of a sublight engine stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned on a heel and stared in disbelief as two shuttles set down right in front of Anakin. The ramps slowly lowered and Anakin strolled up the one nearest him, calmly calling, "Shotgun!"

[Princess 35]

Jaina, Tenel Ka and the others had finally stopped throwing up after seeing Corran and Ooryl together. Jaina staggered up to the cockpit and realized that they'd dropped out of hyperspace hours ago. She pulled up the navicomp and realized that they were in the Wayland system. "Hmm, since the Noghri are so protective of Mom, maybe I can get them to take care of Corran and Ooryl and get them straightened out since they just scarred me for life. Maybe then Mirax won't kill them." She grabbed the controls and headed towards the Noghri settlement.

On Yavin IV...

"Gee Jason, thanks for getting me on this shuttle big brother. I never would have made it to a shuttle without your help."

"Hey, you know, bros before hoes my man. We're gonna have to stick together because we never know what Uncle Luke is going to pull next."

"You're right Jace. But because of this trick that you just pulled, I can't trust you bro." As Jacen's face gaped, Anakin shoved him into an escape pod and pressed the launch button. Jacen contorted his face and beat at the port screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" while Anakin waved bye-bye to his big brother, whom was about to become very close to Lando. Too close, maybe.

Back on Wayland

Luke was standing near a fire with tiki torches surrounding a large perimeter around the fire. He had a scarf tied over his head and black stripes painted under his eyes. "Welcome Council members," he said to the few instructors that were actually present on Wayland. Kyle had pierced his nose with a wooden stick and had matching black stripes under his eyes. Tionne had shaved all over her head execpt the top of it, which she had pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head. Kyp had returned from wherever the hell he had wandered off to after the whole fraternity mess and had huge earrings stretching holes into his ears. He also had a full sized picture of Ki Adi Mundi tattooed on his chest. Luke shook his head at that. Various other masters and knights were there, all dressed similarly. "We are here to reestablish the Jedi Training Academy. After what has happened to Yavin IV, it has come to my realization that we must train the younglings to be stronger Jedi. Therefore, they will be required to build their own shelters, gather their own food, and participate in feats of strength and stealth. Each week we will eliminate one of the younglings. They will be voted out by their peers and sent to Lando, as per a contractual agreement with Calrissian Inc. The first shuttles should be arriving shortly, so please, disperse to meet the students and tell them the new rules of the academy."

[Pandora 77]

***

Jaina strolled into the empty cockpit, realizing that Corran and Ooryl were probably cuddled up together somewhere. Gagging a little, she took the ship off autopilot, found the Falcon's transponder code and followed it planetside. She shook her head when she realized what her dad--in his infinite brilliance and innate aversion to authority--had changed the code to: "No, officer, this is not the ship you're looking for. And your radar gun is broken; I'm not going that fast."

Tenel Ka sat in the copilot's chair flipping the occasional switch for Jaina. "So how do you want to do this thing?"

Jysella and Tahiri stood in the doorway. "What thing?"

Jaina brought them up to speed. "We're going to use the Noghri to fix those nuts' loose wires."

Jysella spoke up. "Well Dad doesn't have telekinesis, so you Jaina, you and Tenel Ka should be able to restrain him. And Oorly's kinda a wimp. I think I can take him one-handed." Tenel Ka shot her a glare. "Oops. No offense."

Tenel Ka muttered something about beating someone with a severed arm. Out of fear of a demonstration, no one dared ask for clarification.

Jania set the ship down near the Falcon and powered it down. "Okay. Jysella, Tahiri, you two grab Ooryl. Tenel Ka and I will get Corran. We'll take them to that Noghri camp on the other side of this clearing. We have to be quick. Whatever happens, don't look directly at them. We can't keep vomiting like this. Ready? Move!"

The girls ran into the captain's quarters where, sure enough, Ooryl and Corran were snuggled up under a pink blanket, fondling each other in ther sleep. Jaina and Tenel Ka grabbed Corran in a Force grip. Tahiri and Jysella--wearing rubber gloves--picked up Oorly by the arms. They both awoke with a girly scream. Jaina tore the pink blanket away from them and immediately wished she hadn't. Corran was wearing only a black lace thong and matching bra. Ooryl's tragic ensemble was similar, though patent leather instead of lace.

Corran shrieked. "Where are you taking us?" He pointed at the rubber gloves Tahiri was wearing and suddenly sounded more excited than afraid. "And what are you doing with THOSE???"

Tahiri shook the thought from her head. "Dude. No way in hell. Just... don't."

With minimal effort the girls hauled the girly-men to the Noghri camp. They dropped them unceremoniously on the ground and two Noghri ran immediately to bind their hands. When asked the same question of the binders that Tahiri was asked of the gloves, the Noghri dropped them again, twisting their faces into what passed as disgusted looks.

Jaina explained the situation to the leader, who agreed that it was indeed time for drastic measures. He assured the girls that they could handle their "therapy," and issued orders as they departed in search of some mentally-stable people.

* * *

Jacen's escape pod landed in one of Yavin IV's small streams. He opened the hatch and fell face first into the water. "Help! I'm drowning! Help!" He tried to get his feet under him and stood up. He looked down at the water covering his body all the way up to the middle of his shins. "That was close," he said, strolling calmly out of the creek and back to the temple, where Lando's ship was just landing.

Lando strutted down the ramp dressed in a white suit, adroned with silver studs and pant legs that were just too wide at the bottom. He sported a half-length white cape with jewels in the shape of some sort of bird on the back. "Jacen, you're staying to help out?"

Jacen couldn't stop gawking. "Uh, I guess so."

Lando grinned. "Why thank you. Thank you very much."

Edited October 15, 2007 by Mistress Pod

[Pandora 77]

* * *

Happy to be rid of Corran and Ooryl, the four girls found their way to a small gathering of Jedi instructors watching two shuttles unload students from Yavin IV. Most of them, anyway. Jaina searched through the Force for her brothers, finding only Anakin, who seemed very smug but wary of running into their parents.

"Uh oh," Jaina said.

"What is wrong?" asked Tenel Ka.

"Jacen's not here. And Anakin seems really guilty. Come on." Jaina pushed her way through the crowd of bewildered students, the other girls following closely behind her. Too closely, Jaina realized when she bumped into another student and was nearly squashed by her friends as they walked right into her.

"Ow!" Tahiri yelled. "Jaina what are you doing?"

Jaina brushed herself off and stood, assessing what had brought her to a halt. "Sorry. This ditz is in the way." The ditz was student Jaina didn't know personally but knew of her. Her name was Amber and she was surrounded by piles of matching luggage. She was oblivious to the world around her with her nose stuck in a compact reapplying her make up and complaining about the humidity wrecking her hair.

"Honestly, Amber." Jaina searched for a way around the mountain of Prada. "Do you really need all this junk? It's a Jedi Academy not a fashion show."

Amber snapped her compact shut angrily. "Junk! I'll have you know that this one shoe case is worth more than your entire wardrobe!"

Jaina rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Airhead. Now it's a step ladder." With that, she planted a muddy boot on the pink, suede case and hopped over the mountain and continued on her way.

Tahiri followed Jaina until she noticed the skirt Amber was wearing. "OOOh is that from the new Michael Kors spring collection?"

"Tahiri! No!" Tenel Ka grabbed her by the belt and dragged her off.

"What?"

Jysella snickered at her. "Tahiri, your blonde is showing!"

Tahiri examined herself. "Where?"

Anakin closed the rest of the distance between him and the girls. "Hey Jaina," he said, not really making eye contact with his sister,

"Anakin, where's Jacen?"

"Um, what do you mean?"

Jaina pinched his arm. Hard. "What'd you do?"

"Owwwee!" He clasped his arm dramatically. "That really hurt!"

She pinched his other arm. "I'll tell Mom about the magazines under your bed."

"Oh she found those months ago."

"Not the ones you're in."

Anakin hung his head in defeat. "Okay. I kicked him off the shuttle and left him to Lando."

'You what?" The girls yelled in unison.

"It was just a joke!"

Jaina grabbed him by the shoulders. "What did you tell him?"

He chuckled a little. "I told him I couldn't trust him because he tricked me." A look from his sister prompted him to continue. "Well, see, I convinced him that he helped me get on the shuttle--you're going to laugh when I tell you this. When really I helped him get aboard." He laughed nervously. "He actually believed me. See isn't it funny?"

"Anakin, you twit, you know Jacen's turbolift doesn't go much past his ankles." She picked him up with the aid of the Force and dropped him on the ground.

Tahiri burst into laughter. "He's right though, Jaina. That was pretty funny. I just wish I could have seen his face!"

Anakin climbed to his feet. "Oh I got pictures. Look." He produced a holocam from his pocket and showed Tahiri the record of the prank.

Jaina grabbed the camera as she walked past. "I'm showing Uncle Luke."

"No!" Anakin ran after her.

"Uncle Luke, look what Anakin did to Jacen!" He turned around to face her and she took three large steps backwards. "What are you wearing?"

He had replaced the scarf with a large feathered headdress. His clothes had been replaced by a fringed, leather loincloth, and a yellow smiley face was painted on his chest. "This is our new uniform. Except the headdress. That's just for me. I'm the Chief."

"Oh. Kay." Jaina shook her head and handed Luke the holocam. "Look. Anakin booted Jacen off the shuttle, and now he's going to be one of Lando's slaves."

Luke rubbed his hands together. "Yes. Yes, my plan is working already. This is exactly the kind of Jedi we need. Yes. All according to plan."

Tenel Ka raised an eyebrow at Luke. "Master Skywalker, what are you talking about?"

Luke pointed an angry finger at her. "Chief!"

She jumped. "Sorry, Master. Chief."

"No, no, just Chief."

"Um, yes. Okay, Chief."

Luke nodded. "Very good. Thank you. Now I'm dividing you up into teams. You five are going to be on Kyp's team. He's over there."

Anakin and the girls moved to where Luke had indicated and found Kyp in a rather disturbing state of attire. "Master Durron?" Anakin asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Not anymore! Now I am Master Namby Pamby. You can call me Namby for short."

Tahiri buried her face in her hands. "I don't think I can take anymore of this."

An akward silence followed. Kyp--er, Master Namby--decided to break it.

"Look! I can make KiKi dance!!" And he proceded to flex his pectoral muscles.

Jysella's opened wide in horror. "KiKi?"

Tenel Ka put her hand to her mouth to hold back her PowerBar.

Edited October 15, 2007 by Mistress Pod

[Princess 35]

Ooryl and Corran were still cuffed by the Noghri while the Noghri were deciding what to do with the two deviants. "We must be strict with them," Hashbakuh said to the other Noghri who all nodded in agreement. "They have completely lost touch with who they are and we have to remind them that they are not deviants, but that Corran is a Jedi Master with much responsibility, including two young children to raise. And Ooryl is a Gand Findsman and member of Rogue Squadron. We must not tolerate anything other than God's will for these two! They will live in separate caves! There will be no touching! No making of eye babies! Corran must be in Jedi Robes at all times and Oorly must be in his dress uniform. They must clean their caves daily and must be out of bed in time for room inspection. We will tolerate no slacking!"

The Noghri all agreed and went to check on Corran and Ooryl.

Corran an Ooryl were locked in a passionate embrace. The Noghri screamed in pain and threw a bucket of cold ice water on the two. Corran gasped. "What in the name of 9 Corellian Hells was that for?"

"That type of embrace is no longer welcome here. It is time to reform your sinful ways or you shall be punished for all eternity!"

Meanwhile...

Chief Luke interrupted the Kiki dance, for which the rest of the students were grateful. "Welcome to Survivor: Jedi Temple. You have all been divided into tribes based on your primary instructor. All of your luggage must be left here except for your emergency survival bag. I hope that in your hurry to leave Yavin IV that you did bring your survival kits with you and that you didn't forget to pack them. You must search for all of your food. You must build a shelter. Or and your camps have been surrounded by Ysilimari. So you have to do this all with out the aid of the Force. As you win challenges, Ysilimari will be removed. And whichever team loses, will come to Jedi Council and vote out their weakest member. By doing this, we will train only the strongest of those in the Force and the rest, well, have fun working for Lando."

Edited October 16, 2007 by Princess

[Pandora 77]

Nearly a week had passed since Luke made the shocking announcment that they Academy was becoming a cheap knockoff of a worse reality show, though it seemed like over a month. On Master Namby Pamby's team, Jaina, Tahiri, Tenel Ka, and Jysella were becoming very annoyed. Actually, Jaina thought as she felt her stomach turn in response to the twenty-third Kiki dance in the last hour, "annoyed" wasn't nearly a strong enough word. Irritated. Aggravated. Pissed. Furious.

As number twenty-four started the proper word flashed through Jaina's mind.

Homicidal.

With a nausious scream of rage, she lunged at Kyp, intending to slice that tattoo right off his chest. Several other students restrained her, knowing it would cause them to loose points. After the struggle, little Valin Horn spoke up.

"I don't know what your problem is, Jaina. I think it's kinda funny."

Jaina turned on him and growled through clenched teeth, "You.... LIKE.... the Kiki dance?"

Valin shrugged. "Well I think it's kinda cool is all. It's a great demonstration of muscle control. Do it again, Master Namby!"

Much to everyone else's terror, he obliged.

As the students fought to maintain possession of their respective lunches, the sound of approaching drums signalled that a council meeting was about to begin. Luke appeared from between the trees. "It is time to vote someone off."