Lines and Quotes

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

some quotes from The Pretender:

Miss Parker: Broots! Broots you lovable moron, is that you?!

Jarod's Student: He told us that roaches would be the only living thing after a biological holocaust. Them and some woman named Parker.

Miss Parker (about Gar getting blown to bits in SL-27): Hmmm... there's one less vacancy in hell

Agent Stess: Anyone ever tell you you're an odd duck?

Jarod: Duck? No. Odd, occasionally.

Broots : A key?

Miss Parker: Yeah. Piece of metal with teeth on it, you know, those of us that have evolved beyond fire and wheels, use it to unlock doors.

Broots: Have you ever gone to church?

Miss Parker: With all I've seen and done, a church is the last place I should be.

Broots: Or the first.

Jarod: How's life treating you?

Miss Parker: Like he caught me in bed with his wife.

Broots: I found something bizarre.

Miss Parker: What, like hair on your head?

Broots: No, that would be fantasy. This is real.

Jarod: Topless?

Sandi: What? You've never been in a strip joint before? Naked women swinging around metal poles, strange men cramming sweaty wads of money into strange women's panties?

Jarod: I would remember something like that...

Broots: You know the rumor that JFK was kept alive as a vegetable somewhere? Buzzie claims it was right here in SL-18.

Miss Parker: Yeah, next to the alien corpses Nixon showed Jackie Gleason.

Broots: That was here too?

Miss Parker: Maybe I should send you to every Y.M.C.A. in the country first. Or lock you in the Bates Motel with Sydney and Broots.

Jarod: This is about that strip search in Las Vegas, isn't it?

Jarod: [after asking the foreman about the sulfuric chloride] One more question.

Foreman: Shoot.

Jarod: Valentine's Day. Specifically cupid.

Foreman: Yeah.

Jarod: A corpulent infant, who happens to be an archer, goes around shooting arrows into people and suddenly they're in love?

Foreman: That's about it.

Jarod: And to show that they love, people buy each other chocolate and other sweets? Do they want to be fat, like the infant?

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

more from The Pretender:

Miss Parker: God forgives. I don't.

Dr. Jason Earl: Jarod, why don't you tell the group what brought you here?

Jarod: A large cop with bad breath.

Sydney: You believe someone stole your mother's body?

Miss Parker: Except for this Scotch-induced earthquake rattling between my ears, I'm not sure exactly what to believe anymore.

Broots: Let's face it, Sydney. Catherine Parker's body being gone fits in with all the other bizarre happenings around here. The reappearance of Edna Raines, who, after 30 years, everyone thought was dead...

Miss Parker: And now who really is dead, thanks to the Bald Butcher she called hubby.

[Miss Parker's phone rings at 3:44 a.m., waking her up]

Miss Parker: What?

Jarod: Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'?

Isaac Dexter: Actually, I offer a very valuable service. You'd be surprised how many cab drivers won't pick up a man in a dress.

Jarod: Really? Why?

Isaac Dexter: The truth is, I'd like to offer my services as your personal chauffeur.

Jarod: No kidding! That's great! Now, you're sure you have a driver's license?

Isaac Dexter: Don't worry, boss. You're in good hands. And I promise to be the perfect lady.

Man, off camera: Hey, baby!

Isaac Dexter: Up yours, pal!

Jarod: [referring to the champagne Miss Parker is drinking] That isn't good for your ulcer.

Miss Parker: Neither are you.

Miss Parker: [to Broots] You look like you need to change your pamper.

Miss Parker: Sydney, step back. I wouldn't want you to get brain matter all over your new suit.

Isaac Dexter: So, how long have you been a lawyer?

Jarod: About... seven minutes.

Miss Parker: You shouldn't underestimate Jarod. And you should never underestimate me. And the next time that you send me into a building that is gonna explode, it had better blow, because if it doesn't it's gonna be your gray matter they will be mopping up with a toothbrush.

[upon seeing Lyle after Kyle has beaten him for kidnapping Jarod]

Jarod: Kyle, what happened to him?

Kyle: He tripped and hit his head.

Sydney-What about Lyle?

Miss Parker-Leave him here to run his circus.

Broots-True. Lets face it, that place has been different since

Miss Parker-Go ahead Broots, say it. Every since Raines was shot

Sydney-Well, don't look at me. I'm no marksman.

Broots-Hey, I didn't even want to take a gun, remember.

Miss Parker-Well, if I would have shot sterno head he would be snoring through dirt right now unstead of filling bed pans in the Centre burn unit.

Broots-Apparently, Ricky met his wife overseas. They were both worked at a Catholic charity in Africa.

Sydney-[snickers]

Miss Parker-This amuses you

Sydney-Jarod wants people to believe you are a missionary. [Ha Ha Ha]

Miss Parker-What happened to you?

Lyle-Jarod's little brother wanted some information.

Miss Parker-Kyle is here?

Lyle-We negotiated. I lost.

Miss Parker-Doesn't anyone ever really die anymore.

Miss Parker-Gar couldn't light a stick of dynamite if he had a map to the fuse.

[TheUnknown 39]

Okay, I was watching CSPAN this morning. This is an exhange between Representative Ellen Tauscher (D-CA) and a smart ass Republican caller from New York:

Caller: What are you smoking, Ms. Tauscher?

Tauscher: I take my medication on time and you should switch to decaf.

[Brumak 2]

"Events march onward toward a grim conclusion. If the course of those events does not change then we will be doomed to the rule of the Order, bound to the mandate of people whose conviction, among other things, is that magic is an evil corruption that must be eradicated from the world. They believe that mankind is a sinful and corrupt being who should properly be unremarkable and helpless in the face of the almighty spectacle of nature. Those of us who possess magic, precisely because we are not unremarkable and helpless, will be hunted down and destroyed.

If the course of events does not change, then the monstrous beliefs that the Order impose will settle like a burial shroud over the entire world. There will be no safe place, no refuge. An iron mandate of conformity will be locked around the necks of all those left alive. For the delusion of common welfare, in the form of lofty slogans and vacuous notions that incite the feckless rabble into nothing more than mindless lust for the unearned, everything good and noble will be sacrificed, deadening civilzed man into little more than an organized mob of looters."

Shota, witch woman - Phantom - latest Terry Goodkind book.

Edited October 12, 2006 by V!?

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

i got this in an e-mail and thought the guy had a good point:

If they know of him at all, many folks think Ben Stein is just a quirky actor/comedian who talks in a monotone. He's also a very intelligent attorney who knows how to put ideas and words together in such a way as to sway juries and make people think clearly.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?

I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.

If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don' t feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I ca n put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.

But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about and we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wron g, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

aaaaaand on a completely different note, some quotes from Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie:

Ron White: I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, "Bye everyone, I gotta go!" Six bouncers picked me up and hurled me out of that bar like I was a Frisbee. Those big old New York bouncers that think that bouncing is cool. They hang out with other bouncers, talking about bouncing. They go home at night and watch 'Road House' and fondle themselves. For wearing a hat. I walk into a bar and the bouncer comes over to me, real pissy, and goes, "Take off the hat!" I'm like, "What's the deal?" He goes, "I'll tell you what the deal is. Gay people in this area wear hats; we're tryin' to keep them out of our club!" Oh really? The only way we can tell down in Texas is if they have their hair cut like, yours. And he got all pissed. Anyway, I took off the hat, and he walked away. About an hour later, I was drinking and I forgot. Ever forget? It happened to me. I put the hat on, and he comes back over. Now, I'm between six-one and six-six depending on which convenience store I'm leaving. I weigh two hundred and thirty pounds, and this guy comes over, poking me in the shoulder. He says, "You're outta here!" and I said, "I don't think so, Scooter!" And I was wrong. They hurled me out of that bar. And then they squared off with me in the parking lot, and I backed down from the fight, cause I don't know how many of them it would have taken to whip my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use. That's a handy little piece of information, right there. The police got called because we broke a chair on the way out, and I refused to pay for it. I refused to pay for it cause *we* broke it over *my* thigh. And at that point, I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. The cop was like, "Mr. White, you are being charged with drunk in public-KA!" I was like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I was drunk in a bar! They, threw me into public-KA! I don't want to be drunk in public-KA! I wanna be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal! Arrest them!" He didn't arrest them, instead he had me do a field sobriety check, where you stand on one foot, raise the other foot six inches off the ground, and count to thirty. I made it to "woo!" Is that going to be close enough? It wasn't, so they called in for my arrest record. There's some good news! Satellites are linking up in outer space. Computer banks at NASA are kicking on. There's a telegraph in Fritch, Texas, going: beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

[Takes breath] Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. This part takes a while. Brrrrinnnng! Shorthand.

[pause] Beep. Now, I told you that story, to tell you this story. When I was seventeen, I was arrested for being drunk in... public-KA.

Jeff: Kinda seems to be a pattern there, Ron.

Ron White: If you knew Morse code, you'd know that already. And one DWI, which was a bogus charge, cause it turns out they were stopping every driver, traveling down that particular sidewalk. And that's profiling. And profiling is wrong! The arresting officer, who I had literally known, all my life. You know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down the street me, in a town of less than four hundred people. *We've met.* Now, he takes me to jail, and he asks me if I have any aliases.

[Confused, stupid look] And I was just being a smartass, and I said, "Yeah. They call me, "Tater Salad!" " Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed on a bench in New York with blood coming out of my nose, and this cop goes, "Are you Ron 'Tater Salad' White?" Ya caught me! Ya caught the tater!

Ron White: In Texas we have the death penalty, and WE USE IT!

[audience cheers] That's right! If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back! That's our policy...If more than three people saw you do what you did, you don't sit on Death Row for 15 years, Jack. You jump straight to the head of the line. Some states are trying to abolish the death penalty... my state's puttin in an express lane.

Jeff: Men, if you have a wife, a girlfriend, or a daughter, you are being trained. And just cause they aren't doing it with a cattle prod does not mean it isn't working. I'll tell you when I first realized I was being trained. I've been married to a wonderful woman for seventeen years; it was about year five when I realized it. We were lying in bed reading, when she just says, "I'm hot." And I closed *my* book. Got out of bed. Went over to the wall, and turned the ceiling fan. I got about halfway back before, whoa! [bewildered expression on Jeff's face] I wasn't hot! And I swear to god the next day she called her mother and was like, "Momma, it is working so well! I just had to say it, and he got up and turned the ceiling fan on for me!" And her mother was like, "Baby, I'm so proud of you! I'd put your daddy on the phone so you can tell him, but I just said I'm hungry about twenty minutes ago, and he went into town to get me something to eat!"

Jeff: [his definition of redneck] A glorious absence of sophistication. It can be full-time or part-time, but we're all guilty of it at some time or another. And if you're not guilty of it, then you have relatives who are.

Bill: God, she's [his daughter] growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: "When you gonna wear these for me?" She goes, "I can't. They're your daughter's." "Aaaaaaahhhhhh! No, No, No!" There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.

[Ender 8]

High Fidelity quotes:

Rob: Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians.

Laura: No, it's really not, Rob. You know why? Because Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel make pop records.

Rob: Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead. His father shot him.

Rob: Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have sith for brains.

Rob: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

Barry: Holy sithe. What the ewok is that?

Dick: It's the new Belle and Sebastian...

Rob: It's a record we've been listening to and enjoying, Barry.

Barry: Well, that's unfortunate, because it sucks ass.

Rob: Hey, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest. I mean, I've read books like "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" and "Love in the Time of Cholera", and I think I've understood them. They're about girls, right? Just kidding. But I have to say my all-time favorite book is Johnny Cash's autobiography "Cash" by Johnny Cash.

Barry's Customer: Hi, do you have the song "I Just Called To Say I Love You?" It's for my daughter's birthday.

Barry: Yea we have it.

Barry's Customer: Great, Great, can I have it?

Barry: No, no, you can't.

Barry's Customer: Why not?

Barry: Well, it's sentimental tacky crap. Do we look like the kind of store that sells I Just Called to Say I Love You? Go to the mall.

Barry: Don't tell anyone you don't own "Blonde on Blonde". It's gonna be okay.

Rob: Some people never got over 'Nam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. I guess I never got over Charlie.

Dick: I guess it looks as if you're reorganizing your records. What is this though? Chronological?

Rob: No...

Dick: Not alphabetical...

Rob: Nope...

Dick: What?

Rob: Autobiographical.

Dick: No ewoking way.

Rob: I get by because of the people who make a special effort to shop here - mostly young men - who spend all their time looking for deleted Smith singles, and original - not rereleased, underlined - Frank Zappa albums. Fetish properties are not unlike porn. I'd feel guilty taking their money, if I wasn't...well...kinda one of them.

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

No one cares about Global warming when it's snowing says:

lol, will you still work when married with no kids yet

You almost made me believe in fairy tales again says:

probably

You almost made me believe in fairy tales again says:

but not here

No one cares about Global warming when it's snowing says:

lol, yeah you'll x-ray people

No one cares about Global warming when it's snowing says:

I can hear the humming of the plutonium as you open the sliding door for it to scan someone

No one cares about Global warming when it's snowing says:

lol

You almost made me believe in fairy tales again says:

heeheehee

No one cares about Global warming when it's snowing says:

you can make a green light saber

No one cares about Global warming when it's snowing says:

just have to wear a radiation suit to use it

You almost made me believe in fairy tales again says:

i can see it now:

Crazed Healthcare Worker Builds Radioactive Lightsaber; Goes Sith on Patients

You almost made me believe in fairy tales again says:

No one cares about Global warming when it's snowing says:

lol

[Andy 60]

Funny moment from the last episode of the 2006 series of Doctor Who

Apologies for the inaccuracy... I'm typing this from memory:

Cyber Leader: You have declared war on the Cybermen.

Dalek: This is not war; this is pest control!

Cyber Leader: There are five million cybermen, how many are you?

Dalek: Four.

Cyber Leader: You would destroy the Cybermen with four Daleks?

Dalek: We would destroy the Cybermen with one Dalek! You are superior to us in only one respect.

Cyber Leader: What is that?

Dalek: You are better at dying.

[Ayingel 24]

"I use to work in Chicago, in a convenience store

I use to work in Chicago, in a convenience store

In walked a lady with porcelain skin, and I asked her what she was there for

'Liquor' she said and lick'er I did and I don't work there anymore."

~A Prairie Home Companion

[Brumak 2]

Ok this may seem weird...but this line is from me...My gf has a pic at her myspace of a black and white photo of stairs...and the comment I left was:

One that does not climb the steps of life is one that does not experience life. Not one person can truly find joy when he can not step up to what is in front of them.

I didn't think much when I typed it...but after I did it made a lot of sense to me...And I liked it....

Edited January 18, 2007 by Brumak

[Brumak 2]

*double post ftw*

kimotheemoboy: *this is a test of our emergency broadcasting system* *Please stand by*

kimotheemoboy: *Beeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooop*

kimotheemoboy: *the signal cut out*

kimotheemoboy: what do you do?

conceited apathy: kill people

kimotheemoboy: alright!!

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

i saw this over on Fark:

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

[Andy 60]

I don't know what Clorox is, or where I would get brake fluid from. :p

[Princess 35]

Clorox is bleach

[Mara 29]

I don't know what Clorox is, or where I would get brake fluid from.

Your car?

[Andy 60]

Coders, eh... What are they like?

http://www.ipsbeyond.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=531

[Mara 29]

Maybe you need to paste it in?

You have to be a member to see that.

[Andy 60]

Oh, you do? Never mind. It's about 8 pages long. :p

[Mara 29]

:roll:

[Andy 60]

It's just silly things that are hidden in the code for the forum software we use.

Such as...

A picture of one of the coders:

http://www.galacticbasic.net/index.php?act...s=ugly_old_matt

part of an upgrade script:

foreach( $major_pain_in_the_ass as $relief => $preperation_h )

in the Admin panel there is a function called "return_sql_no_no_cant_do_it_sorry_text()" The function to remove unvalidated accounts automatically after a certain amount of time is called "function bash_dead_validations()" Another function is "foreach( $menu_data[ $this->ipsclass->input['act'] ] as $oompaloopma => $menu_array )" Try to move a topic into the forum it is already in, and you get this error:

You cannot move this topic into the same forum, well, you could but there wouldn't be a lot of point

And another couple of error messages around are:

Out of all the options in all the drop down, you had to choose one with dashed lines, well done. Go back and behave yourself.

You cannot merge the same topic, that's just silly

The new name is the same as the old name, that is illogical captain

Some notes in the code:

//-----------------------------------------

// Is it in the hash? :O

//-----------------------------------------

//-----------------------------------------

// unconvert smilies first, or it looks a bit crap.

//-----------------------------------------

/*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

  // Forum tracker

  //

  // What, you need a definition with that title?

  // What are you doing poking around in the code for anyway?

  /*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

<td>{ipb.lang['open_qr']}<div class="desc">{ipb.lang['need_cookie_yum_yum']}</div></td>

/*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

// SEND MESSAGE:

//

// Sends a message. Yes, it's that simple. Why so much code?

// Because typing "send a message to member X" doesnt actually

// do anything.

/*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

//-----------------------------------------

// Do we have permission to do stuff in this

// forum? Lets hope so eh?!

//-----------------------------------------

			//-----------------------------------------

			// Sprinkle on some moderator stuff...

			//-----------------------------------------

	/*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

	// Get parents

	// ------------------

	// Find all the parents of a child without getting the nice lady to

	// use the superstore tannoy to shout "Small ugly boy in tears at reception"

	/*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

	/*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

	// Forums check access

	// ------------------

	// Blah-de-blah

	/*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*/

//--------------------------------

// What in gods name are we doing?

//--------------------------------

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

:lol: somebody was bored when they coded that.

[Ayingel 24]

sounds like what my math professor's notes were when he showed us his developing notes for the first TI calculator

[Mara 29]

Haha.. that's funny.

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

NCIS quotes:

Tony: The golf clubs belonged to his RIO, Lt. Lynch.

Kate: RIO?

Tony: Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs, one B - short for guy in back.

Kate: (to Gibbs) What do you need two B's for?

Gibbs: Second one's for nerfherder.

Tony: That's kinda touching, Gibbs, remembering the day you hired me.

Gibbs: Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Kate: What do you put in your coffee?

Gibbs: Coffee.

Kate: Okay...I'll...just go down the hall and get you another cup.

Gibbs: That's...not coffee.

Tony: I've never experienced Gibbs without his morning coffee. We're in uncharted waters here, Kate.

Tony: You've taken computer classes.

McGee: Masters in computer forensics, MIT.

Tony: I see.

McGee: (looks at a chemical diagram on the computer) This isn't good.

Tony: What?

McGee: Isopropylaminomethyl methlphosphonothiola.

Tony: (looks at him confused)

McGee: BS in Biomechanical engineering Johns Hopkins. You?

Tony: Ohio State......phys ed major......I was a jock.

Tony: Listen kid, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're not exactly Abby's type.

McGee: I've taken care of that. Remember that urge you were talking about?

Tony: (nods)

McGee: I went with Mom.

Tony: (stands there in shock, realizing McGee just got a tattoo on his butt to impress Abby)

Kate: I wonder what he said to make Tony speechless?

Gibbs: He told him he got a tatt on his ass.

Tony: Gibbs'll get in. He's got clearance that'll let him see the dead aliens buried in Area 51.

Kate: Because he probably killed them.

(At the shooting range Gibbs tapes Tony's hat on his target)

Tony: (protesting) Ah c'mon, boss. I've been breaking that cap in for three months. I love that cap.

Kate: Then don't shoot it.

Gibbs: Back this up? (Tapes Kate's PDA to her target) .

Kate: (protests) Ah, no no no, Gibbs. Come on, my whole life is in that thing.

Gibbs: Then don't shoot it. (walks away)

Kate: (to Tony) If we screw this up, I have a suggestion.

Tony: What?

Kate: We break into Gibbs' basement and set the boat on fire.

Tony: That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Gibbs: Fire. Let's see how you do under pressure.

Tony: I'll bring the lighter fluid.

Kate: Deal.

Kate: What's your clearance?

Tony: Confidential.

Kate: Confidential? What'd you do? Kill someone in high school?

Tony: Hah. Funny, Kate.They screwed up my paperwork with another agent.

Gibbs: Yeah, DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.

Tony: They yanked my clearance and now I have to take a physical to get it back.

Kate: Why is that?

Tony: To prove that I'm still alive.

Abby: So I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens.

Gibbs: Do I look like DiNozzo?

Tony: Not funny, boss. Besides I can open a chastity belt.

Abby: Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome, eighteenth century French.

Tony: You have a chastity belt?

Gibbs: So much more information than I need to know about Abby.

Kate: You think he told him a fast one?

Tony: I doubt it.

Kate: Why?

Tony: Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?

FBI Agent Charles: You're under arrest.

Gibbs: For what?

Charles: Pissing off the FBI.

Gibbs: Get used to it.

Kate: Do all Marines build boats?

Tony: Only the ones who've been married a few times.

Kate: Why's that?

Tony: The rest of them can afford to buy one.

Abby: I don't know. Guys have all sorts of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date just so he can be pumped.

Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?

Abby: Does Tony know that you know?

Kate: Speaking of way beyond hinky.

Tony: Okay, Kate. I can take it.

Kate: What was it like, tonguing a guy?

Tony: (deep breath) I can't take it.

Gibbs: Put someone in a wedding dress

Kate: Tony would look cute.

Gibbs: No. He's off interviewing the victim's parents.

Kate: Well, McGee then

Gibbs: No, he's with Tony

Kate: Abby

Gibbs: No, up to her tats in forensic tests.

Kate: Well, what about you?

FBI Agent Fornell: Anyone ever told you you're an insufferable nerfherder?

Gibbs: (pleased) Yeah.

Jimmy Napalitano: I'll kill your brothers, your uncles, your father, and then I'll kill you.

Gibbs: No brothers. No uncles. My father passed away 16 years ago. But I have 3 ex-wives. I would gladly give you their names and addresses. (Jimmy hangs up on Gibbs.) Huh! He hung up!

Kate: Arrrrrrrg.

Abby: Is something wrong?

Kate: Gibbs is driving.

Abby: I'm sending a prayer in many languages.

Ducky: Do you suspect foul play?

Gibbs: Well, you know me, Ducky...I suspect everything.

Ducky: Yes, that's an admirable trait for an investigator. And also, I suspect, the reason your 3 marriages ended in divorce.

Gibbs: Really? And all this time, I thought it was because I'm a nerfherder.

(Tony and Kate are having a food fight)

Gibbs: Any more food fights in here, I'm joining in. With peas.

Kate: Frozen peas?

Gibbs: Nope. In the can.

Tony: I'll take it. I've always wanted a dog. (The dog growls and tries to bite him.)

Kate: Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.

Gibbs: It's a bith, Kate.

Kate: I know.

Kate : Look all I am trying to say is that it is very unprofessional. Gibbs would never walk in here and tell us how much he pay for his shirt.

Tony : Thats because the prices at Sears have been pretty consistant since the late 70's.

Gibbs : We have a body in Virginia. McGee ?

McGee : Yah

Gibbs : Call Ducky

McGee : Got it

Tony : Hey a boss have you had a chance to sign off on that missing persons case I gave you ?

Gibbs: No I haven't DiNozzo. I tried to get to it last night but Sears was having a sale.

Kate: Give him 5 seconds...

McGee: Until What??

Kate: Until he notices there's a ...

Tony: BIKINI CONTEST!!!!

(In the showers.)

Tony: Who would send me a letter with anthrax?

Kate: Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl.

Tony: That's not funny, Kate.

Kate: Yeah, I know.

Tony: This is serious.

Kate: I know, Tony! I'm sorry.

Tony: At this very instant, someone is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt and my Gucci shoes!

McGee: You know, it might not be anthrax.

Tony: I like the sound of that, Probie!

McGee: It could be smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera...

Tony: Probie!

McGee: ...foot powder, face powder, talcum powder...

Tony: Honeydust!

McGee: "Honeydust"?

Tony: Honeydust. I give it to girls.

(Kate glares at him but she know Tony can't see it. He knows it.)

Tony: Women! Sorry, Kate. I give it to "women" at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather.

Kate: (Chuckles) You don't use the whole chicken?

McGee: I never heard of honeydust.

Kate: Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee.

Gibbs: It makes a woman's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey.

(Everybody poke their heads out of their showers and look at Gibbs')

Gibbs: Got a box of Honeydust last Christmas. No card.

Tony: Ah...I think the post office screwed up, boss. Somebody else got your bottle of Jack and you got their...

(Tony is cut of by Kate)

Kate: Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail?

McGee: Yeah, that's right! All federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility at Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, it dies.

Tony: The diseases that you name, they-they have DNA?

McGee: They do.

Kate: Oh, you should have let him squirm.

Tony: Haha! Then, it's no worries!

Gibbs: Unless the post office screwed up again.

Ziva: Remove your hand or I'll rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.

Tony: (to Ziva) You know, I think McGee is really starting to nail your essence, Ziva;

(In a low voice from McGee's book) Stakeouts. Long, endless hours fueled by cheap food and even cheaper coffee, but tonight Moussad Officer Lisa didn't seem to mind, because she was getting to spend it with Agent Tomm... You're right behind me aren't you.

Ziva: Lucky guess. (Tony grunts) You know, I think McGee is right.

Tony: He was, was he.

Ziva: It takes all of my will to resist the urges I have when I'm around you, Tony. Maybe, it's about time I give in.

Tony: And by "give in", you mean...

Ziva: The thing that comes naturally to me, but my father would not approve.

Tony: Why? Because I'm not Jewish?

Ziva: (Laughing) Because he doesn't like it when I kill my co-workers.